i don't think i know what life is about anymore

i won't elaborate on that

i will say i'm not depressed, or sad, or suicidal

in fact, i'm quite content

but i just can't say i quite know what life is about anymore



care to share your thoughts with me?

i'm willin' to listen

 

I know exactly what you mean ... I feel kinda lost, but i'm just going with flow and having a good 'ole time!

 

I can't say I know. I'm sort of in the same boat as you.

I guess most people are in it for themselves. Just trying to make themselves happy.

Really, if you want to break it down, we're no better than wild animals and all we should be doing is producing offspring, eating, sleeping and that sort of thing.

But, I would rather have a little fun in between. And, that's my focus these days.

Just do what makes ya happy, Richie (well, don't do anything too damaging in any respect, I mean...) Keep truckin, etc.

 

wow, i'm excited to see we're all in this together

i pretty much follow josh's example

and meg, the same, i agrees with ya


i keep looking back to right before i left for college
how i was, how i was so anxious and pretty nervous about leavin' atlantic

and now here i am in wilmington
things are completely different but they're pretty much the same
it's sort of absurd, yet natural

leaves me sort of confused, but content

it's like:

"woah...okay"

 

i think life means different things to different people. you have to find your soul, your power source (not mean power like "i'm going to control you!" haha), your breath.
whats it all for? well, no one knows for sure... but those moments where you get so caught up in everything, and then see someone amazing smile at you for no reason except that you're being you, thats what its for. those moments.

 

I could go on a huge rant about Moral Law and how humans seem to be hardwired to also go out of our way (often at our own potentially damaging repoductive expense...ie dying) to help somethign else.

but i won't

 

im with ya richie...although i have some sort of direction about what my life is about, nothing is ever certain.


life

 

I wondered that at one point, I was really outraged and upset and I was pretty much unconsolable and I just walked into school and sat in the library and whenever anyone asked if I was OK I just snapped "fine" at them til the librarian got the person who was sort of like a councillor for my year and I just said that I was really upset cos there doesn't seem to be any point to life, we work at school so we can get a job we have to work at and it seems to be all work, and my mum and step dad hate their jobs and we never seem to have enough money. I can't remember what she said, but I'm all upset now!

Oh, I think she said about going to schoo land stuff so you coudl get a job you like and that she loved her job and life was what you mkae it, she sounded much more convincing than I do...I'm going to stop now!

 

I had this conversation with my dad today, and it just keeps dawning on me how difficult it is to live in modern civilization. He's tellin me how when he was a kid, there was no car insurance, no this, no law for that, nothing... Now you can't even let your grass grow to a certain length without going against a goddamn bylaw... Everything is just too ridiculous for words anymore.

That kinda makes me think how nice it'd be to settle down and have a family and just kinda live off the land and sustain ourselves, just like all the wild animals out there.

On the other hand, I think I'm too wishy washy for that and I'd probably wind up running out on them and trying to pursue some selfish, irresponsible lifestyle. Blegh.

You've gotta really wonder who you know that is really and truly happy, I mean perfectly content, and how the hell did they get there, you know?

 

LMFAO I am lukewarmedly happy?

Oh my god.

Hah. NC, Flar-da, and Arcata in 15 months. I might take a vacation during spring break... I kinda want to go to Vermont, for some reason. Or California with my friend and his uncle.

I want to walk away, lemme feel my feet... lemme be freeeeee.

 

Jesus Christ, this is it.

I don't know if you're stoned or drunk or just crazy, George, but you pretty much just summed up Life, the way it should be.

When you comin' to NC?

 

I think that not having a clue what its about is the beauty of life. its the not knowing that makes it so amazing and exciting. i dont think we will truely know what life is about until the day that we die. and im perfectly happy in knowing/thinking that.

 

life is pointless so enjoy every minute of it, dont waste it. I got really down cause i was all 'whats the point' but yer, if you think how insignificant earth is, we are, you realise that problems don't really matter. be good to everything and everyone and enjoy and like then you know when you die you are goin to a good place.

 

Yes.

I don't really know what it's about either... but sometimes you just sort of have to create your own meaning. Do you volunteer at all? Thought about it? Even one day a week can make some people feel better, more useful, more something.

 

I might be in NC during March or April.

 

super, where at?



i'm not very extroverted (so i'm learning)

that always makes things a bit hard

 

I haven't decided... I need to make a trip to Island Dyes, on Hatteras Island... and stop by Bogue Pier and around that ways.

 

thought bogue pier was being torn down.......

 

Well... if it isn't by then.

 

“The answer is never the answer. What's really interesting is the mystery. If you seek the mystery instead of the answer, you'll always be seeking. I've never seen anybody really find the answer -- they think they have, so they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, evoke mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries bloom. The need for mystery is greater than the need for an answer.”
- ken kesey


he's on to something. isn't just living life as great than finding out why it's here. seeking is always good too but life in genral is too big of a cunhk of information and thoughts and feelings for me to comprehend. a little bit of knowledge at a time is all i need, i'll see where that'll take me