Abusive relationship problem Ok so for almost a year now I've had this friend. I have much love for her, more then what you'd usually have for a friend, but I wouldn't say I'm all lovey dovey for her. For most of the time she has a boyfriend and I've always respected that. The problem is that for a long time their relationship has seemed a bit rocky but now I've been hearing from her roommate about how her calls her names like fat and telling her if she breaks up with him he'll be sleeping with other girls that weekend. I wrote her a really deep letter straight from the heart telling her I had feelings for her and that her boyfriend is an ass. Well that didn't go to well because he saw the letter and told her she wasn't allowed to be my friend anymore. She still calls me but won't hang out with me for fear that her boyfriend will find out. Well here at school I'm in a frat and this weekend I was at another local frat party. My friend Elizabeth showed up, and when her boyfriend arrived they started fighting again. I cut and went to another party, but then a pledge from my fraternity came to me saying she got punched by her boyfriend and pushed all the way to the other side of the room, crashing against the wall. I was pissed, and walked back to fight him, but he was gone. I also didn't know exactly what to do thinking it might only further wreck our friendship. She was also really crying hard when I got there, which mad me sad. I really don't get this girl though because today she called me up talking about how even though he treats her like shit she still wants to be my friend how much she loved her boyfriend and still wants to be with him. Word for word she said, "When things are good me and Mike are really good together". I’ll let this guy slide for once especially since I didn’t see it, but if I hear about her getting hit again I will beat this man down. My question exactly is what should I do. This guy is afraid to fight me, but I'm still worried that if I fight this guy she won't talk to me anymore. I also feel I can report this because she'll never talk to me anymore. I'm really lost on what I should do and need advice. Can anybody come up with a good solution for me???
you can't do anything for her. It's up to her whether to put up with the abuse or not. Problem is, she's probably convinced that she needs him in some way or another, or is terrified of the consequences of leaving him. There is absolutely nothing you can do. You can't save her. It's up to her to save herself. Just be her friend and maybe someday, if the time is right, you two can get together. In many places, the law is such that nobody but the woman herself can press charges when it's domestic violence. Sucks, and it only protects the abuser, because women in such situations can't press charges themselves. But, if all those people witnessed him hitting her, someone should have called the law regardless, gotten the incident on the books and documented, in case the next time she ends up seriously injured or worse...
So everyone at the Frat house watched this go down and didn't whip his ass? What the hell kind of friends do you have? I would say if she still wants to be with him then back away. There isn't much you can do about it. I would be tempted to kick his ass anyway and if she didn't want to be friends then screw it.
