I Came Out and I'm Pretty Young

Alright, so I came out about a month ago. My parents hate it but will not admit it. They say they are happy for me but I hear them calling me a faggot and my mom always tries to convince me I'm not gay. My brother kicks my ass for it and I'm afraid he'll do more. What should I do? Should I move out or what?

 

... Any background on you're family? It may be important knowing HOW homophobic, they may or may not be. As well as which ones are, and which ones aren't? Maybe explaining what type of family you have would help? It's possible there are one or two accepting, or just tolerant people in you're family you have who you just don't know of yet.

The sad thing I've seen a lot of times, is homophobic people are generally much louder, than those who are more accepting, or at LEAST tolerant. Due to this I in my own experience, lived at least 5 years with a family member, and I never found out they would be supporting of me, because I was afraid to ask. Even having just so much as one tolerant family member may help.

 

You are way too young to even think of being on your own, the best thing to do is to try to let the words slip past you as if you never heard them, they are just words, and
try to tone down what ever behaviors you might think you have that may be getting on their nerves. They may feel like you are putting it in their face, so to speak. They love you, really, they are just scared.

 

I agree with erzebet, you are way too young to live on your own. Also, do try to ignore their behind the back comments, I know it isn't easy but do try. Put yourself on the higher plain.

I'm not sure what to say about your brother. He could be afraid what his friend say/would say if they knew he had a gay brother and getting violent with you is his way of dealing with it. One thing, do not stoop to his level. Don't show him it bothers you either physically or emotionally, be stoic, it may get worse but eventually he'll give up and leave you alone. I'm not saying to be his punching bag, I'm just saying not to cry or anything .. maybe something like look him in the eye, shake your head and walk away.

Do you have any other famly members you could live with (aunt/unlce, grandparents) even if for a short time ?

Hang in there man and remember you always have friends here.
peace,
bob

 

I doubt your gay you are only 14.It is going to be very embarrassing explaining to them that your not gay later on in life.It was probly something you should have kept to yourself.

 

What was your relationship with your brother before you came out?

 

wow what helpful advice! I don't think he needs comments like that at a time like this...and no gay teenager needs to hear that they're just going through a "gay phase" and aren't actually gay at all, thats just going to foster confusion (if anyone pays any attention to you at all, which they shouldn't...)

Anyway! as for my advice, do you continue trying to talk it out with your parents? If this issue is ever to be solved, it can't be just sorta swept under the carpet, I don't think.

I'm very sorry you're going through this right now.

 

Uhm, how would you even know about this sort of thing? You're straight, no? You probably haven't even had any sort of experience with homosexuality. When you were 14 years old, you knew that you were straight,right? It doesn't matter what age you are. It depends on the person. Some people know very early on in life. When I was a young girl, I would get crushes on other girls, and I would try to kiss other girls. Ever since I can remember. It's something you're born with,it's not a choice. I really doubt the kid just woke up one day and said, "Wow, I think I'll be gay today..." No, it doesn't work that way. & claiming he is just going through a phase is a typical homophobic reaction. Disgusting,really.

 

Man I'm sorry that they took it like that. It's very sad that you have to go through that for being yourself.

The people who think it to be a "phase" have obviously not ever experienced it. If it were just a phase, I know I would have never gone to my parents about it, and I doubt you would either.

The best advice I can give you is to try to sit it out and see if they change at all. If they don't, you should talk to them about it.

And remember you can always come here and discuss your problems with us.

 

The thing I would recommend is to try to get on peaceful terms with your brother. And make sure you are never alone with him. You said you were afraid he would do more.

 

i knew i was gay before i was 14...

 

I guess some people had problems with what I posted.I didn't mean for it to bother anyone.I received a pm from a memeber regaurding the post and returned it with an ansewer.Bottom is I am just trying to be helpful and if you don't like my adive ignore it.Sorry to anyone else that the post upset.

 

Thats what I believe as well. Test the waters and go out with a girl and see how you like it and then start thinking otherwise.

 

I couldn't get in a romantic relationship with a girl enough to test the waters in the first place, I always seemed to make a "just friends" relationship with them...then I began to understand that there was something about girls that just didn't appeal to me emotion wise, I just could not develop any sort of crush towards any girl. I think that right there was enough to make me start believing I was gay.

 

Or maybe I'm just ugly...

 

There are all sorts of problems associated with being out on your own when you're 14. The only real option is to live with a sympathetic relative.

Running away is not a valid option. I don't know what the laws are where you are, but it's likely you'll have some legal problems. Financial problems would probably be at least as bad. We all need at least some money to survive, and you probably aren't legally allowed to leave school yet.

I don't know enough about your brother or your earlier relationship with him to say anything useful. It's going to take him and your parents some time to wrap their minds around the fact that you're gay. You probably didn't feel ready to tell them as soon as you realized you were gay, so it's not so strange that they haven't mastered it yet.

Is there a chapter of P-FLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) in your area? They can give you some literature and information about meetings. I don't know if your family would be ready to go yet, but it's something you ought to look into for the future. If nothing else, they can give you some answers for questions they might ask.

 

Treefiddy...your not ugly baby........you are a beautiful soul...and a wonderful friend !!!

 

I don't have a lot of advice to give you but all I can say is that you MUST stand up for what you know you are, even though people closest around you will deny it. Among other things, one thing you should try to do is to sit your parents down and ask them if they want to talk about it. It might be a good way to have them bring out any "closet" anxieties they have about you coming out. As a result, it might help the situation with your brother, too, if your parents could handle it like "adults".

The cruel truth is, however, that there's always going to be people around you who will go out of their way to show you that they disapprove. But you can't EVER let them win! Their ignorance and chauvinism can NEVER counter your wonderfully beautiful ability to be honest and sincere! I know I can speak for many when I say you have our deepest hopes and sympathies!

 

[font=&quot]I think the most important thing to remember is that your parents DO love you. There is a lot of intolerance in our culture, and religion teaching it does not help. Your parents are probably conflicted. They have been taught that homosexuality is wrong, yet you their son who they love is gay. I think it is important to remind them that you are still the same person you were before you came out. This has always been a part of who you are after all. I admire your bravery in coming out, that is not an easy thing to do. I have never been completely truthful with my parents about my sexuality, although I think they have a pretty good idea. Anyway, hang in there; everything will work out in the long run.[/font]

 

Yeah, update everybody, I met local gays, my brother stopped beating me, he's still homophobic though and my parents don't care really dont care anymore