I love a girl

She's kind enough to entertain your cheating arse even after the deed (as friends) and you're already getting pissy and worried about not getting anything in return?

Have some conscience and leave her the hell alone. You've already put her through enough. Maybe I don't see you and I can't see whatever change you're describing. Or maybe I'm far too jaded and wary to believe bullshit like what I'm hearing here because I've been through the mill also. Do her a favour and leave her alone.

I've even known men sick enough to want to get back a second time not because they were into me but because they needed to gain forgiveness, or needed to fulfill some selfish need in them to have peace of mind. As if they couldn't go on living with that heavy conscience of what they did. They couldn't stay the fuck out of my life once and for all because they needed it to be "okay".

In the end old habits die hard. I've once been willing to forgive, I've once been naive enough to think people change. What crock. I have no sympathy for what you have done either.

 

awww

well like I stated in my last post, I am definately not someone to be giving advice.
Ya know... there is no one thing that works for every person. People here may share their experience but ... it wont necessarily work for you.

Do what your heart tells you to do. When all else fails, the heart is wiser...

 

Yes, when it's been fucked over a few times.

 

...sometimes, yes.

 

Damn Hannah... thats harsh... lets not forget that there are many "FORMS" of "cheating" and not all of them deserve the type of language or description you used here...

I will use myself as an example... I am a cheater, by societies standard of anything that you couldn't/wouldn't tell your signifcant other is cheating...

I was with a girl drinking and dancing one night on a military installation... we went back to my barracks room where everyone was supposed to congregate, no one else showed up, so it was just me and her, one thing led to another, and we were kissing, petting fondling etc... we both realized it was wrong she was seeing someone as well, so she stayed the night in the other bed, because her roomate had a "friend" over, and she didnt want to intrude...

I eventually told my ex about that night, and she never trusted me again... I told her for two reasons:
1) we were supposed to be getting engaged sometime soon
2) I did not want her finding out sometime later only to think I never told her because I had been with the girl...

So there it is the big catch 22... If I tell her she never trusts me again, if i dont, then I am a lying cheating bastard... there is no room for any other label right?

I have NEVER ONCE slept with another woman when I was in a relationship, and I am here to tell you, that I wish I had on two of those occasions because the relationship I was in ended because the women were insecure, and thought I had cheated...

Call me a cheater for my actions if you want, but I had a clear conscience, and in the end, when I broke it off with her, because she wouldnt trust me to even go get a freaking loaf of bread without thinking I was on my way to cheat again (two years of this type of BS abuse) I finally told her I cant take this shit anymore, I love you, but sometimes love just isnt enough... for two more years she tried to get me to go back to her, and we ended up having great sex several times, because I did not want to see anyone, and she would come to my house crying that she needed me, and even went through a depression, and had counseling, her doctor called me and asked for me to come to therapy with her.

I guess my declining that makes me a dick as well huh?

I dont feel like a cheater, and I have never been down the pants of another woman while in a relationship, sometimes, women take things a little too far just like men do.. neither of us are perfect lets not pretend we are...

And many men, myself included, are tired of dealing with women who dont have enough strength to realize it was the PERSON who cheated and not the gender, not ALL MEN are like that, and we don't need to date women who can not differentiate... you wil excuse me, if I put my two cents where it is not asked for, but it seems to me you are one of "THOSE" type of women. who will be biased, and non-trusting against men for a long time to come..

Im sorry you were screwed over, but please Stop lumping us all in the same basket, what ya say?

 

wonderboy, I would think you have two options,

One (which was already suggested) leave her be for a long time, as in do not see her face to face, just talk to her occasionally on the phone.

When she asks why you never come around anymore, tell her it is because it is too painful to see her, and that you still love her...

Two: Go talk to her mother again, be frank with her, tell her what happened, and that you want to be with her daughter if she will still have you, go get her a ring, and tell her you want her to be with yuo for the rest of your life.. (Only if you are ready for that) and then if she still says no, you have exhausted every chance you possibly could have had of trying to get back with her.

Good luck man..

 

Thank you all for your advice once again, Hannah damn you are one cold bitch. I'm gonna do the let her be she knows my number and where I live if she wants to talk she can call.

 

I would like to give u advice but not sure wat to say its kinda like u and my cuzin are stuck inthe same boat as u well hes asked me to post this he needs advice to heres how it goes well he was talking to a girl for about 2 months he really liked her but she told him her self im the type of girl that never calls. so only he would call everything went great but one day he jstu stopped calling a week went buy 2 and then about 3 months. One day he jsut called her she seemed happy to talk to him they talked for about another month he would call but she wouldnt unless she missed his call she would call back but they stopped talking again he really wants to talk to her again and make more of it its been 2 months and i can tell hes dying to call her bt he jsut wont wat should he do as much as he wants to call her hes afraid well would apreciate any advice for him

 

I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

 

Are you trying to play victim for the wrong that you have done? Call yourself a cheater or not, frankly it's you who have to live with your conscience. If you're satisfied that you did nothing wrong, that's wonderful.

Re-read my post. NOwhere in there did I make any absolute statements about cheating being inherent in men.

It's a pity your ex snivelled and went back to you after what you had done. Actually I hardly have pity for a woman who cannot differentiate or know better.

Incase you miss it again, I sincerely hope people like yourself don't get away with weak women. Or vice versa, for men. You were sorry for what you did, but that you are faulting a woman for being insecure about YOU and what you have done is entirely unacceptable.

I wouldn't go so far as to say it was any one person to blame. Usually in long drawn out cases like yours, it's both people who hope too much to piece things back together.

Go ahead and "cheat" all you want (as I'm sure you will either way), by whomever's definitions. It is perfectly dandy for you and for some women who will tolerate that BS. For others, that's all it is. Pure bs.

 

Hannah will you go out on a date with me please. I'll treat you with respect and treat you like a princess.

 

Well I would have to say I'm getting closer. I have been getting help with all my current relationship issues and it has helped. People can change my friends and family have noticed. I just wish people weren't so close minded. I saw what I was doing I acknowledged my problems and currently they are being fixed. I can still feel myself swing back to the lets say darkside but hey i'm single i'm a loud to. I have been acting like i've been in a relationship for quite some time. And I have been behaving. Even though I'm not with her yet I act like i'm with someone. I've been talking to her a lot lately. Her boyfriend treats her like shit and she is still with him. I know I cheated on her but other then that I treated her well. Her current boyfriend breaks her down calls her fat says she is controlling bitch and tells her she is boring constantly. So if we get back together I know its gonna be hard for her to take a compliment because when I talk to her I give her them all the time and starts crying because I along with her friends are the only people that do that for her. I love her, its been over a year. I 'm ready just have to wait for her. Which I did. I can't wait. I cannot stress that enough. She is the love of my life. I was just young and stupid and didn't know how to handle it. It was my first love and I miss her. I can't wait to hear from all of you yelling at me. So make me feel like shit.

 

You'll more than likely do it again when you get her back.
Right now, you want her because you think you can't have her.
Once she is yours again, the cheating will happen again.
I have learned this much about men and it nauseates me, to be honest.

 

See thats totally understandable I can see where you think I might do this again. But I've been trying to get her back for over a year now. Why on earth would I go through all this just to cheat on her again. I'm not that sick in the head. I also have a question. Why is it that she always comes to me when her and her boyfiend are fighting. I tell her she is beautiful and I always make her happy. I don't push the fact that she should leave him or she can do better. I am a biased friend. When I do this she feels so much better and totally forgets about me a week later. Doesn't call return calls or messages. Why does she use me to make herself feel better then totally forget about me. Please help me with this one.

 

wonderboy...just a quick thing you may not have considered:

you want this girl to trust you, to see you HAVE changed and you HAVE got integrity\

well...

1. how much integrity does it show to be hitting on another guy's girlfriend? whether she bitches about him or not is up to HER...i think it is nasty that you don't respect their relationship

2. how much integrity does it show to be constantly demanding "but i KNOW she's in love with me, i KNOW we're meant to be together"...that's what YOU think. it doesn't sound like what she thinks because she's not WITh you. don't put words into her mouth and don't ASSUME she's going to be with you. that's just controlling and manipulative.

it sounds like she's already made her choice, if you really respected her you would respect where she's at rather than trying to convince her she wants you [when she obviously doesn't], and if you really had integrity you wouldn't be hitting on another guy's g/f. it doesn't sound like you've learn much at all...your view sounds quite selfish to me.

sorry if that comes off harsh but i'm just trying to call it like i see it. i'm surprised someone hasn't pointed this out in a previous post!!