I am so sick of bad parents. A kid with a disability got in trouble for hitting a staff so today I hear his grandma say-'if you ever punch a staff again I am going to punch you'. she was joking but still. She wanted us to not let her kid have snack all week because of this. I told her I would be willing to give him fruit and milk for a snack instead of junk food but not take away his snack in general. My boss thought I was being too soft, but in my opinion kids need to eat more than three times a day. Geez what is wrong with parents?
Well I don't think theres anything wrong with an idle threat or two. But your right, kids need to eat a lot of small healthy meals.
Punching staff is not a punishable offence. It is a serious psychological problem that needs addressing quickly and correctly... By denying something good as a punishment you focus the wrongdoer on it's own pleasures, it's own self/ego, it then sees itself as centre and the punishers/teachers as part of the frustration and problem..... Try thinking: Tolerance, compassion, and then go on to TEACH the child how to make a LIFE TOOL that will work in situations where there is frustration and lack of knowledge on how to "problem solve" ..... Why do'nt you hit staff ? What do you do to avoid it ? What other options are open to you ?.......these are the Life Tools that the child is missing....your knowledge and the life tools you use... You sound like a really nice person, you care. You seem to have done a good job on yourself, smile and share yourself......
I am pretty highly skilled and trained as far as special education is concerned. I runa programfor kids with special needs so I know how to de-escalate situations and enter the root of the problem. I am actually the director of my program...so behavior mod. is not my concern, rather it is the parents who strip all the progress I make with the behavior mods. This child has down syndrome, is entering puberty and takes a lot of meds. He has never hit anyone before and this staff who he hit can be a jerk. I just don't understand why we teach our kids not to hit others by hitting our kids???
Oh I so agree with you.....Kids are fine, even beautiful....i'ts the parents. So what happened ? Is this bad parenting a new phenomina ? were the parents parents bad ? is this the now noticed result of millenia of bad parenting through generations? OR Is it a change in society? Is society less structured, less punishing or more punishing ? More structred ? What about relgion ? I have no formal education, just raised three children alone in severe poverty in a city...And CARED ! I would really like to hear your views on this.... I'm 47 and I'm seriously thinking about becoming a social worker and working with kids and families for just this reason......What I see and hear makes me so depressed, what you started this thread on is a "lollipop" to what the real reality is for millions of children and parents out there......it's worse, far far worse...........and I brush up against it nearly every day.... Any words of hope or possible solutions gratefully appreciated....
Erggg I do that sometimes sorry. Whenever my mom gives me advice on the kids I dismiss what she has to say because she doesn't have a degree in child psych., but than she reminds me that she raised me by herself and didn't do too bad of a job. So parenting, especially three is worth more than any degree IMO. Sorry my post sounded snotty and I didn't intend it that way. I think parents work too much and kids are spoiled. Instead of eating dinner every night as a family they are bribed with 'things'. I also think poor behavior has alot to do with nutrition. Kids are fed crap and way to much of it. How well can your kid suceed when they are given processed, sugary food pumped with anti-biotics, chemicals and hormones?
Agree again, not just the kids but the parents diet also... I've been posting on another thread here about this "food" issue too: http://hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21830 "So I want to save the world and make everyone happy......" No wonder I'm depressed.. Also a hypocrite because I'm a quick food/alchohol/grass junkie too...who knows better !
I'd give you both a reputation point but I gave out too many yesterday and now I am banned for the next 24 hours. I agree with both your views. My heart breaks for the Mother's that had to raise their Lil' One's on their own. I have a Husband, an excellent one and I feel parenting is still challenging at times. There is so much we have to think of and a lot of that thinking is for somone else. I had a post yesterday about Guilt and Motherhood. I feel guilty if my children watch too much tv, don't eat the right amount of foods, don't exercise enough, don't have enough play time outside....My thinking is constantly wrapped up in the good for the children. I can't stand to hear children be mentally abused. I do strongly agree that children NEED disciplin. Not only do they need it but they crave it. They need structure. A child with special needs would be disciplined differently but should still be taught right from wrong. If the teacher of that child was being a jerk than that teacher should be spoken to. Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Giving up is not an option.
Too bad Human Growth and Development isn't a required course. I am very concerned for the welfare of children and many people get angry with me when I make a comment. But if they only knew how much of an impact everything they said and did had on their children, they would think differently.
i guess it depends also if the kid with the disability has a understanding of right and wrong. if the child is verbal or non verbal. understands instructions. i know many children with disabilites that are non verbal and there only way of expressing themselves is by grabbing, lashing out. lots of these behaviours are sometimes apart of a disability and go along side with it. i dont even know what happend and im not saying the staff member deserved it but what i am trying to say is why did it happen in the first place. was he or she upset. lots of kids with autisim cant handle the word no and so a simple change of phrasing something helps. like instead of no u cant have that. use positive reinforcement. like. its not time for that now. maybe tomorrow. most kids with disabilities have short memorys so being punished for something oneday and making it last a week they will not understand. maybe u should of said something like that. that ok today is fine for the child to not have a snack but why punish him for something tomorrow that he wont have a clue about. all it will prob do on the next day is cause jealousy and resentment. also. lots of medications that children can be on with disabilites can cause them to be hungry alot more then a normal child. a child with a disability normally has one thing that they absolutly love and become protective of. toys, videos, music, a radio and even food. when i get hit by kids with disabilities. i say to them. show me what u want. point. i grab there hand where they have latched onto me and say that and after a while it works and they know. if they show u calmly. it works the same and they get a better response. positive reinforcements and least restrictive alternative. maybe u need to speak to ur boss and say. well ur just bandaiding the problem and u want to work something out so it dosnt happen again. tell them that the kid will get resentment and u need to work at something so it dosnt happen again. more then likely it will happen again and how much food can u take off a kid. u should talk about the safety aspect and that if u dont do things for the long term with a behav plan then someone will get hurt again. incorporate the parent or guardian to work on something long term. the longer u wait to kick it in the butt to stop the behaviour the bigger the kid gets and the more damage tthey can do. kids that attend a special school also mimic other children. i have worked with kids who are autistic and who bite there hands and had kids with downsyndrome in the same class. weeks go by and some kids with downsyndrome see the kids who bite there hands get more attention so they start doing it also. hope it works out for u. i think u did the right thing. sometimes i speak out all the time but i never regret it. its when u dont speak out and u dont advocate that u go home and think. i should of done this. or how could i of not said anything. best of luck
I'm glad you spoke up soulinabowl..... it was interesting and helped me understand..... I fully agree with what you say. strawpuppy
Parents are cruel sometimes... I've been to the mall a couple of times to hear parents swearing at their children, and then wonder why their kids disrespect them... It's kinda eerie, you wonder why more and more people grow up to be these disfunctional adults when they've got such abusive parents...
Withholding food is not a real incentive to change behavior, it is ABUSE! Children should never be punished by taking away nourishment, of course children need to eat more than 3 times a day. What a horrible womyn that gramma is. WTF is it with all these kids being raised by grandparents? There are a ton of kid at my kids's schools who rarely see their parents and are being raised by aging and out of condition grandparents. Not only do many people from this generation have NO idea what is appropriate for children's proper development, they are often unwell or just can't keep up with small children. People should raise their own kids or not have them. This grandmother probably did a SHITTY job of raising her own children, and now her children have had kids, (which with a terrible role model they CAN'T raise, or don't want to) and are dumping their kids on her. Why do people like this breed? It makes the world harder for those of us who actually put some thought and empathy and research into parenting. Then our kids have to put up with crappily raised kids the rest of their lives. SHIT! Sorry to sound so fucking judgemental, but parents who suck make MORE work for those of us who care.
The scary thing is, almost half the people I've ever known were at least raised in part by their grandparents. Once, my psycho bitch mother sent my younger brother to live with our grandparents in Mississippi (we live in Georgia) simply because he wanted to move in with our dad and she wanted to be spiteful about it. He was out there for over a year. And she wonders why, now as an adult he won't have anything to do with her.
Here is a BIG hug for you Maggie. I couln't of said it any better. It makes me so mad when I see other's raising someone elses children because they are too stupid or irresponsible to be the parent the ought to be to their children. I am with my children EVERY DAY. DAY & NIGHT. I realize some people can't stay home because of their financial situations. BUT when they are not at work they should be with their children. Ohhh I get so mad.... I'll send you another hug for your last comment. (I like you Maggie). I am working every last one of my nerves so that my children are well behaved good little boys. What is it with these children that think it is all right to hit their parents? My children witnessed that a few months ago. I did too for the first time and do you know what I thought? I was so mad I was steaming. I thought that if that was my kid he would have one broken arm. Okay, I shoudn't share that but I was mad. I realize it is really the parents fault for letting the child get away with such naughty behavior. Oh, and that same week I saw that little one hit his mother, I saw two more do it the same week. 3x of that made me sick. Thank you for speaking up Maggie.
OK, so I'm a grandma....please don't be too hard on us we are not all the same. I'm about to start a degree this September in Early childhood studies 0-8 years. Why ? ....because of what you are talking about. I've been around the block a few times, starting in my early childhood, continuing through my reproductive years living in third world countries and on through many lives up to here and now. When you say you have seen parents abusing thier children in the street, and how mad it made you feel.....What stopped you from going up to the parent and explaining what they were doing wrong and why ? What stopped you from making sure that someone knew and was doing something about it ? Were you afraid of the parent abusing you ? Did you think it a waste of time because the parent was too ignorant/vulgar/unaproachable ? Did you think that surely someone, the social services or the school were involved and they were doing something about it ? What if.... ....nothing was being done ? What if the abuse you witnessed was normal everyday reality for the family. What if, at the family home where there were no prying eyes, the abuse was far worse? What if from the time the kid was born, that "worse" abuse was considered normal ? And nobody said anything...... Too many times over the years I have reproached myself saying "I should have said or done something".... I know who's responsible for this abuse happening, me...if I did nothing about it, if I watched it and said nothing, thought about it and did nothing, then that means I allowed it to happen.....as a person, and you as a person, and we as a society........as long as we do nothing about it, you and I are responsible....
It is funny to me how all of these 'problems' with him happen during the morning when I am not there. I always put individuality before compliance and program goals, yet he always listens to me and follows his program goals. developmental psychology should be a required course. I took as an elective.
I did say something to the Mother when the child was hitting her. I said something to the child too. My oldest had his first play date after pre-school and this child became a monster. He did not want to go home when his Mommy came and picked him up. He was hitting her, slapping her, kicking her. She did nothing. My children stood there watching till I made them go in the house. I told the little boy he will NOT be allowed over my house if he acts that way to his Mommy. The next day his Daddy made him apologize to me. I asked the Little Boy if he apologized to his Mommy. Her and I talked about it afterwards. I haven't seen them since. I am a firm believer in disciplin. I think children need and want it. They also need consistancy and some structure in their lives I wish you well in School.
