I made a huge mistake. Everybody makes mistakes, I know this, but this was a bad one. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year. I know that doesn't seem that long, but we connected way before we actually got together, and we fell in love fairly quickly. He is my world. Truly, I do not know what I would do without him in my life. However, we are in a long distance relationship and I, still being in college, am struggling with this now more than ever. This summer, one of my old friends was in town for the summer. We had dated a bit in High School, and there had always been a strong attraction between us. One night this summer, it got the best of both of us and in the heat of the moment I cheated. I cheated on my boyfriend, the best thing that has ever happened to me, the one who is my everything. It was one night. One stupid mistake of a night. My friend and I have hardly talked since. Needless to say, my boyfriend found out and was devastated (still is) and I can hardly blame him. I have tried everything to make things better and he keeps saying that he wants to be with me again he just needs time to forgive and forget. I understand that, I really do. I have said absolutely everything, done everything that I can possibly do and I feel like it's going nowhere. I am devastated, heartbroken, torn, and every word in between. I can't live like this, wondering if we'll ever be ok, dangling like this hanging on by a thread. I know I deserve everything that he's putting me through right now, but how long is this supposed to go on? How long am I supposed to beat up on myself, be in this depression, be without him before I just can't take it anymore? I am so hurt and I know he's hurting too but there comes a point where he either wants to be with me or he doesn't. I can't be this vulnerable, this miserable forever! They always say, you do the crime, you pay the time, but how much time is deserved? I was honest about it, I told him what happened, I didn't hide anything. Every question he asked, I answered no matter how gut wrenching it was. I did it. I know I fucked up. I know it. But there's just nothing else I can say or do. I just want it all to go away!!! I have no one without him, he is my EVERYTHING! I'm falling off the edge and I don't know how to climb back up.
Had my fiance done that, I'd have dumped him on the spot. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything. And that is ESPECIALLY true in a long distance relationship. At this point, you two need to either work on building up the trust again (see a relationship counsellor if possible) or just throw in the towel now. Beyond that, I have no good advice because, as I said, I'd have already ended the relationship.
I know I made a huge mistake, and it was possibly the worst mistake of my life. If I could go back in time and change it I would in a heartbeat. You think a relationship counsellor would help? I'll do anything.
well i think you did the right thing by being honest about what you did and if he says he needs time to forgive and forget then give him time and stop beating yourself up about this yes you did do something wrong yes you hurt the love of your life but your only human. How long did your bf expect you to hold out for him i mean you have needs and that one night happened because your only human. You had a need and you got it met. so thats how i see it. Getting depressed about what happened and how your bf is handling the situation i can understand but staying in that depressiong is no good for either of you. You two need to wipe the slate clean get a fresh start and come to an agreement that the past is past and what happened happened for a reason to build your relationship stronger and to learn to let go. to regain his trust can take a long time i know for a fact that my fiance after i cheated on him ,2 years ago, one time he had no trust for me he would always assume the worst with me and i didnt regain his trust until a couple months ago and i still dont have his trust he doesnt even trust me around my own kid. so it will take awhile but it will get there. but hopefully by wiping the slate clean and all that may help with the trust issue love FF
Well if he say she needs time, give him time. There's really no telling how much time he needs but I say either try and start rebuilding the trust (be really honest with him about *everything* from now on, the smallest thing and make sure your words always match your actions etc), anything he asks you, tell him straight out, show him you can be trusted. If he feels he can never get it back, then there is really nothing you can do except move on.
I think it's going to take some time for him to forgive you and when he finally does take you back, I don't think your relationship is going to be the same. I think you may have taken a huge chunk of trust away that he had for you. I don't really know that you can rebuild it to the way things were. The bad thing about him needing time away from you is that if he is away from you, then your probably giving him more time to just get over you all together. Thats a tough one there lolli. But these things happen and sometimes you just have to give it time, wait it out, and don't give up trying to make things better because you could always be doing something to better the situation. I know it seems hopeless but this should tell you that he is not the only one who was let down, I think you really let yourself down to and somewhere inside you know that to be true. I can't say that there is any good in what you did to him but I do believe that everything will be okay.
The only way to rebuild trust is to speak with your actions, and give it time.....and you BOTH must be willing. It is easy to say "I will never do it again" but words ring hollow on a heavy heart, so you must show him that you can be trusted, and faithful. As for how long your penance is, no one knows. It depends on how long he wants to stay mad, and how long you want to wait. He may never get over it, but maybe next week he will have accepted the situation. You never know.
Every person who cheats says it was the worse mistake of their life, however knowing it was stupid before hand is the virtue. My advice is to put this guy behind you and learn from your mistakes. Sure people can get over being cheated on but it is not easy. Years later the pain may be down to a dull roar and the trust will never return to what it was. If you were married or had a kid with this guy there might be something there more important then yourselves but that is not the case. I don't see this relationship progressing now especially since it is a long distance relationship. Unfortunately the trust has been broken. You could drag this out for quite awhile but the end result will be the same. He will either end up cheating to get back at you or he will just always have that resentment in his mind, either way it will end eventually. Live and learn.
Haid, have a little faith. You don't need to be married with a kid to be madly in love with someone. We love eachother so much and that hasn't changed surprisingly enough. He seems to be even more optimistic about us working out than I am which is definitely a good sign. I'm young, and scared of the future, I made a mistake and I'm learning the hard way. But I truly do feel that he is the one for me, that he is the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. He says he just needs time so that's what I'll give him. I'll do anything.
Like I said, it can be done. You are going to have this hanging over your relationship for a long time to come though so just be prepared.
It's kind of crazy becasue something very similar happend to me recently. A friend of mine read your post and pointed it out to me. My girlfriend of almost a year cheated on me over the summer, and I found out through an annoymous email several months later. At the time, I was crushed. It broke my heart. Shattered it actually! But I know how truly sorry she felt and how big of a mistake it was. But I took her back and I forgave her. I let it go. I could only do so becasue of how much I love her and that fact that she is my best friend!! Relationships are not easy. Sometimes one person misses being single. Other times someone is all emotional and overwhelming. Relationships have lots of bumps. But you said that this guy was the guy you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with! If you truly mean that, then follow your heart. Little things like one night stands don't mean shit in the long run! I have friends that have had countless one night stands, dated tons of people, but now they are all in there 30's and single. Each and every one of them having turned away the person they loved for other things. Basically I'm saying this, don't cheat. Cheating is a bad habit that is hard to break once you fall into it. I've never cheated in my life because I don't want to be that guy! And if you truly love someone, don't blow it and don't take it for granted. Otherwise, it will be something you regret for the rest of you life. In this world, we don't get do-overs!!
Hi, I appreciate your humility to admit that you did something wrong. Yes, I must agree with u, nobody's perfect and we are all susceptible to commit mistakes. Sometimes we think temptations are too great for us to resist, thus we fall into the pit we personally dug. Then we feel crippled with the uncontrollable, relentless guilt over the blunder. We get so consumed with the situation that bordered on the impossible imaginings of soaring up high the outer space and with a sorcerer's power to pull the planet earth back to its track so to get back a day. My point is, things already happened. Do not continue to breed the seeds of loneliness and despair within u. Albeit its disappointing fact, try to assure yourself you're not the most filthy creature here on earth. Instead, look at this situation as a chance to make yourself a better person. It's a matter of seeing things in perspective. But hey, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying what you did was infinitesimal. Applauding what you have done might instigate you to do it again. What am trying to say is that, you have to face the consequences with a hopeful heart for reconciliation. Try to rekindle small embers that once burned in your hearts. Make some efforts, do some things you think will regain his faith on you. Cuz you know what gurl, if reclaiming his trust seems to be an immense and impossible task to do, then everything would just go down the drain. Futile attempt, so to speak. And it's only you who knows him well, as long as you have that hope and willingness, prove to him that the remorse is great. If you think it's really worth it.
