Feeling really self-concious...

Okay, I've been feeling terrible about two things: I'm overweight and I'm very self-concious about it. I weigh nearly 180 and I'm 5' 0", and I know that I was thin once. I used to be 125-130, and I was so happy at that weight. I gained the weight so fast and I got stretch marks on my stomach and "love handles", and I'm really nervous about them. I get nervous when I'm having sex because I'm afraid of what people will think. (I know it's horrible to think that way, but I can't help it.)

Also, my best friend that I'm constantly with has the perfect body. Really, I mean perfect. 38D, size like, 5-7. I'm jealous, sure, but the most annoying part is that I always feel like no one is looking at me. God, I feel so stupid saying all this because I like people to notice me for my eccentric personality and intelligence.

Anyway... I don't know what to do. I really do feel so shitty about saying this but I've become so body-concious.

 

Stop comparing yourself to your friend.
Bigger ladies can be beautiful. If you carry yourself to be ugly, you'll appear that way to other people. You can still be cute....just know how to work clothes to your advantage....don't let it all hang out.
Don't be self concious during sex. If the guy wasn't attracted to you (In most cases) he wouldn't be having sex with you.

 

moon is right
i'm in the same boat as you...I'm 5'2 and 170. I just can not loose my pregnancy weight for the life of me!
I used to be about 130...i used to think i was massive then, so you could only imagine how awful i felt when i couldn't get rid of this weight.
But then I started to not oay attention to the few girls who are bone thin and realuze that the ones with curves were very attractive, too.
Sometimes it's a pain in the ass to go shopping for clothes and hating yourself for buying 4-6 sizes higher than you used to be, but if you buy the right clothes, I promise you'll look awsome! I remember back in high school, there were some 'bigger' girls, but they had a shit load of confidence and were gorgeous for it. I know that if they were to have mopped around school, they would have looked real bad. But the same goes for a 'smaller' girl.
it's all in how you hold yourself
and yeah, your man is having sex with you for a reason; he obviously thinks you're beautiful!

 

Well, being self conscious about the weight wont help you lose it (if that is a goal of yours). Don't make it a guy issue, make it a health issue.

You could be really pretty but if there is a girl who is more sexy than you standing next to you or in the area, then guys will check her out. There are always people better and worse looking than you (and better and worse than you at all things in general) and I agree you shouldn't compare yourself to them because thats pointless.

You don't need "guys" to like you, you need a guy to like you (unless you have narcissistic personality disorder, in which case I really feel bad for you because that sucks). If you want guys to notice you for your personality and intelligence, then go for it. Girls get hit on by guys all the time, but guys almost never or never get hit on by girls. You can't just stand in a corner and wait for guys to hit on you, because they don't see your personality that way. If you ignore societys (and I guess human nature's) "guys should only hit on girls and not vice versa", then you can meet some really great guys.

"Beautiful" girls have to deal with guys who all they want is a peice of ass and don't value the personality at all (most of the guys who hit on them I would say).

You'll probably get rejected for your body some times (I'm not being mean, I'm just being realitistic), but if you can handle that (I can't handle rejection, I don't know about you but I can't).

I also agree with moon_flower that if they are having sex with you, then they find you attractive (unless they are drunk or something, but then they probably still do anyway).

 

honey first of all every one is self concious about one thing or another and i mean everyone even your "perfect" friend is self conciuos of something. Secondly you need not to worry about what others think you need to embrace your curves and be confident and happy with who you are and once your are happy with who you are it will show and guys will notice that.

Heres something to help you pick one or two parts of your body that you know is banging (eyes, back, butt, boobs, etc) and eccentuate those parts of your body and be glad that you have been blessed with such a wonderful body. Be confident in how you look (example: every morning and/or night do affirmations in the mirror. saying i am beautiful inside and out i have a beautiful body and i dont need to be a size 3 to be pretty etc.) honestly size does not matter to some guys and thats wonderful i mean those are the down to earth honest guys that you want to attract you dont want to attract the superficial assholes.

If you still feel shitty about how you look you should start a work out plan of light lifting to your problem areas and slowly increasing the wieght after a week or two. Along with working out change what you eat and whenyou eat have 3 small meals and 2 light snacks of fruit. Working out helps with depression it builds up endorphins and makes you happy and bla bla bla.

Dont beat yourself up for not looking like the perfect model or even your skinny best friend. You are who you are and you are a beautiful person no matter what anyone else thinks or says and you should remember that. I hope you take this advice and let me know how you are feeling in a week or two ok. remember you are a beautiful person.

Love
Fallen fairy

 

ok, I have a bone to pick with this....
who are you to say what "more sexy" is?
EVERYONE has a different idea of what sexy is, wether it be skinny, huge or anything inbetween.
I see the point that you're trying to make, but when you look at things from that point of view, you're still constantly comparing yourself to others to see if you look "better" or "worse," when infact, you just look like YOU. I used to do that all the time, and it's NOT healthy to look at it that way.
BTW, if anyone gets rejected soley for their body, the person who rejected them doesn't deserve anything.

 

i agree with what you said barefoot

 

ok, yeah, I missed this, too.
Why does she need a guy to like her? If he doesn't love her for who she is in the first place, screw him. If all women obeyed to a man's wishes for looks, we minus well be living back in the 40's and 50's. She is who she is, and THAT is beautiful!

 

Green is posting from the point of view of a teenaged man. Would you expect anything else from him? I think he makes a valid point, if you take into consideration his gender and age. Dances probably feels bad about herself, at least in part, due to what teenaged men think about her or how they act around her. But boys do eventually grow up, most of them anyway, and they stop wanting to date Barbie dolls when they start wanting to spend time talking to their mate rather than just bonking her on the head with their club and dragging her off into their cave by her hair.


You know what, sweetie? I totally understand how you are feeling. I used to think 130 was fat (on my tiny frame, it is a bit plump). I ballooned up to nearly 200 during my pregnancy with my oldest child. But during the pregnancy I felt more beautiful, more feminine, more sexy, than I ever had before! It was afterwards, when I not only still had all the extra weight, PLUS a horrid scar across my pubes from the c-section, PLUS major swelling all over from having been given too much IV fluids, that I really started feeling bad about it. I had never been self-conscious about my body before that point. never. I used to be the sexy friend with the perfect body. It has taken me a while to adjust, and to be comfortable in my skin again. What I did, and what I think would help you, is to emphasize my eccentric personality and intelligence. I used to try to hide it when I was younger, for fear of being too different from everyone else. Now I play on it instead. The friends I have now are my friends because they like me, not because they like being seen with me or because they want in my pants. It's true, I don't turn men's heads because they want my body anymore, but I do make heads turn everywhere I go. I'm sure the neighbors think of me as that crazy hippy mom with pink/purple hair who dresses funny and has that beautiful kid with dreadlocks. My husband loves me, and desires my body, no matter what. I don't need any other men hitting on me like cavemen to validate my femininity. Suprisingly enough, it still happens from time to time anyway, more and more often as I become more and more self-confident.

 

I just wanna give dances in pajamas a *big hug* You are so much more than just what your outsides look like.

 

I too, recently felt this way. I may not be overweight, but that doesn't matter... And you have to realize this, that is most likely NOT a problem with your weight. People can and will become self concious at anytime whether you are Roseanne or Angelina Jolie.

I just started living with my best friend, and initially I felt the same way with comparing myself to my friend, and feeling almost inferior to her, when it comes to physical appearance.

However, it got to the point where I was feeling so bad that I literally just told myself to stop it, and I began doing the things I like, and being myself again. When I felt inferior to her, I was changing, and becoming a person I am not. I cared more about how I looked, and didn't dress how I normally would... I was wearing make-up constantly [which is very unusual for me, because I actually hate makeup], etc. Now, things are levelling out again. I'm back to my normal self again... I took some space from her, re-connected with who I am, and the things that I was NOT happy with, I have been making an effort to change.

Everyone has body insecurities, and some are foolish, and sometimes something can actually be done about it.

And any insecurity can beCOME foolish if it develops into some sort of obsession. If say, you are insecure about your "love handles" try doing some exercises [most likely some sort of conditioning, and strength training exercise would help best] and to avoid becoming obsessive, remind yourself to be patient, and that you are doing what you can.

In reality, even if you don't end up looking how you picture yourself to, the exercise itself will help your mentality a lot... it will make you feel good about yourself and exercise is proven to increase seratonin levels in your brain to create an overall "feel good" sensation.

Whenever I am stressed about my appearance, exercise helps keep me in line a lot. I don't go overboard, I just do some light walking, and a few strength training exercises.

Otherwise, yoga and pilates might be helpful. They are good for you mentally and physically, fairly easy to learn and become skilled with, and is a top choice of many who are struggling with body image issues.

Yoga is practiced in MANY eating disorder centers because of the effects it seems to have on people with body image issues and weight management. I highly recommend checking into some yoga classes, or even just finding some sort of reliable book or tape that can help guide you through.

I realize that the struggle you are dealing with is more INNER than OUTER, however, taking a physical approach to it that is not connected to vanity or obsessions can really help. If the problem continues, I would seek counseling or some sort of therapy that can help you learn to love yourself.

I know I have an issue with loving my physical self, but I really like who I am as a person, so I often have to use who I am as a person to keep my physical self in check if that makes any sense.

I would space myself from your friend if I were you, just until you feel a bit more comfortable in your own skin. Do things that make you feel comfortable and better about yourself for the time being. Maybe take some time to go help out at a soup kitchen or animal shelter. Meet new people. Do things that make you feel self-empowered.

good luck, and feel free to PM me

 

For one, like others have said... stop comparing yourself to other people. That's a HUGE mistake. I'm 5'3 and around 100-105 lbs. and when I see a girl with a fuller figure, I usually think "God, that's hot" but I don't automatically wish I could look like that - it might be nice, but we've gotta be happy with what we have.

Self-conscious during sex? There's another thing that should NEVER really be a problem. If you're having sex with a guy, he'd better respect you. If not, well... he'd be out of there FAST if it were me.

Again with the best friend - I've seriously figured out that most guys DON'T like the "ideal female" look. None of the major actress/pop star crap. Real men like real women. I have 'love handles' (yes, even at 5'3 and 100lbs) and I think I could stand to lose a bit of fat on my thighs... my husband loves it. He swears hips and thighs are padded for 'something to grab on to' when we're having sex. They're the parts that majorly help your body support your child if/when you're pregnant, and I don't see anything wrong with that.

 

Thanks to everyone who replied. I leave for college Friday and I have some awesome advice to lean on. A lot of it made me realize the good parts of me, and I actually might have hyperthyroid problems... Have to get a blood test though.

But thanks again.

 

There's no need to feel self-conscious. Fuck anyone else that says mean things to you. Fuck them. They suck for being shitty, and they are going to get nowhere in life. I'm 5'2 and 173 lbs, so I got a little extra some somethin... but you know what? Guys who degrade me or anything like that arent worth my time. I dont want to date someone who's shitty to other people... I want a guy who accepts everyone, and understands the meaning true inner beauty.

And I agree with Apples+Oranges, when I feel down, excersizing really does mate me feel better. I feel flushed, and like accomplished something. And I'm helping my body, so it goes both ways, you know? And I'm not talking intense power lifting or anything--walk, ride a bike, play freeze tag--anything that gets your heart rate up. I personally have a pool, so I go swimming, and swimming is really awesome for you body. Gets you lean, and it works all parts of your body.

Don't worry, mama! You are gonna find a guy who loves you for you-- your physical appearance, your inner appearance, your personality, your intelligence...

 

Yeah, man...What she said.. ^Guys certainly aren't all in perfect physical shape. I think most men want someone they can feel comfortable and laid back around.
Good luck to you, I hope your college experience rocks!

 

i think full figured women are super sexy. my honey is 5' 4" and about 170lbs and i can't keep my hands off of her. remember; women are supposed to have curves. as martha stewart says "it's a good thing".

 

I was wondering if there was any specific reason you gained wieght so fast? I would get my thyroid checked because that can cause rapid weight gain. Even of you feel okay a low thyroid level can take a while to show symptoms. I used to be 209 at 5'5 and I lost nearly 80 lbs . I worked superhard. Then I had a serious hip injury that caused me to be immobile for a long time. I have gained 30 lbs. I feel bad about it at times but I love myself for who I am. Not what I look like. I try to exercise often and am paying more attention to my eating patterns. You can change your size, but even it won't matter how small you get if you don't love yourself.