Hey folks, Today is a memorial service for a friend of mine that died last week. She and her sister were some of the first folks we'd met when we moved down to Virginia. We hung out with them quite a bit up until my son was born. They were younger than us and very much into the party scene. So once we started having kids, we sort of distanced ourselves from them. They were really kynd kids though, just in a different place in their lives then us. i actually think it's probably been about a year since i've talked to her. So we got a call over the weekend letting us know that she passed away. The details are still a bit sketchy, but apparently she suffocated on her mattress. i have to guess that drugs and alcohol, may have played a role. It just seems so impossible, i can't really believe it. i can't imagine what her family is going through, she was in her early 20's. Still just doesn't seem real or even possible. Anyhow, the memorial service is tonight. i really don't have anyone to watch my son. i've never left him with anyone but my mom (who lives in MI). i do have a neighbor that i could probably ask if it were an emergency situation, but it would be awkward. We just don't really talk to the neighbor very often, so i would be uncomfortable calling just to ask for a favor. So i guess i'm asking if it's totally inapporopriate to take children to a memorial service. Sage will have to go, because i'm nursing...but i'm not sure about taking my son who is 4 1/2. Just wondering what folks thoughts are? Blessings, ~tree
Personally I would not take him with me. I know you are in a bit of a bind though with not having anyone to watch your son. Are you just going for the viewing or an actual service?? If it is just the viewing you are going to to pay your respects, maybe you can get someone to go with you and you each take a time to go in while the other person waits outside with the children. Just my thoughts. I would have a hard time taking my kids to something like that. Wish I lived closer and I could help ya out... I'm near the beach though.. Hope you get things figured out, and I am terribly sorry about your friend.
I would not take him either. It's going to be a really hard scene to be at.... This was a tragic death of a young person, not like an old grandma who had a full life. He may be scared by it all, and confused...
I've taken babies, children ect to services and funerals. Death is part of life. My FIL just died about two weeks ago. Not the nicest man, but the kids went to the wake, funeral ect. My littlest girl (also named Sage ) is 6, and she said she didn't want to go near the coffin. That was fine with me. She spent most of her time in the Lounge, until the cigarrette smoke got thick (they lived in a area where there is still smoking allowed EVERYWHERE, I tried to hide the ashtrays, thinkning people might go outside, but someone found them) and then she went into the foyer, where smoking wasn't allowed. I don't think we should be afraid to let our children be exposed to death. I'd explain to any child over the age of a year and a half, to the best they can understand first, but aside from that, if you want to be with your kids, I'd say go ahead and bring them.
I too think, that death is part of life, and should not be hidden from children. They will be scared a lot more, if they have never been to a funeral later on in their life, then if they get used to it slowly.
well... i would take the children along to the viewing but have someone wait with them while I payed my respects... I would not take them to the actual service... children can be very disruptful and it might make it a lot harder on the family considering the women did not have children... make it a quick in and out... and make sure you explain to your son what has happened...
Children aren't always disrupting. They can feel the vibe of a situation, it can be explained. I went to my Papa's funeral when I was three and did fine. As did my brothers during their first funeral.
yeah, it's all a matter of explaining. Explain in advance, what the situation will be like, and that it's important to be quiet.
Hey folks! Thanks for your thoughts. i think that i will take him. We actually just had two chickens die in the last couple weeks, so that was his first exposure to death. i agree that it's part of life and shouldn't be hidden. i think if it was a family member i wouldn't hesitate to take him...but because it wasn't family and the girl was so young, i just wasn't sure if it was appropriate. Thanks again for your thoughts. ~tree
i've taken my kids to funerals and even viewings. my four year old is very sweet, very solemn and polite, she may cry a little, but all in all, she's not at all scarred by the concept of death or the sight of a dead person, dead animal, dead anything. seems to me more people would be okay with the natural processes of life if we didn't completely and utterly hide things from them. but my family has a long history of exposing children to the entire concept and rituals. kai still talks about her great great grandma who died about a year ago. i took her to the viewing, took her to say goodbye, sat for a little while, shared a prayer, and she gave hugs to her great grandma and great great aunts and uncles.
I've taken my kids to viewings and funerals for relatives. I lost my grandmother, great-uncle and grandfather all within 16 months...my 4 year old has talked about death non-stop for the last year... Death is a part of life, I totally agree, but we don't take the kids out to complete stranger's funerals...from what I gathered this little boy did not know the woman who died.
