Im 19, and a little over 3 months pregnant. I have a wonderfully supportive family, and I am actually quite excited about being a mommy. I know in the long run everything will be just fine, but Ive been so stressed because the father of the baby just can't make up his mind. I don't really want to raise this child alone. At first he took the news really well, promising me everything would be fine, but I think the reality has kinda set in for him, and hes been trying to push me away the last few weeks. I understand that he is scared, and him freaking out is to be expected, but I really need someone I can count on right now. We had it all figured out, we were going to get an apartment, save some money, and everything seemed to be to good to be true. Now he's gone insane, telling me that he never loved me, that he doesnt want a relationship with me. I feel like he flipped a switch overnight and now everything I had has been taken away from me. He's even been trying to get back with his ex-girlfriend, and he makes me feel so worthless sometimes. I found out that he had been lying to me about his feelings from day 1. I just don't know how to deal with him, I know my child needs a father, and I know it would kill him to not allow him to be a part of this, but after all he's put me through I can't stand to see him. Im to hurt and confused to sort any of this out. Please, any advice would be great. Especially from the guys... do you think he'll come around? I don't want to get my hopes up, but I wish I knew it would be ok. I love him, and him being there means so much for me, but we are so not on the same page and it rips me apart.
he sounds like a selfish asshole. i'm sorry dear that you have to be going through this. just be with your supportive family and try to leave this guy alone for a little while. if he's really into helping you with your unborn child, he'll come around. if not, he's not even worth it. your family seems to be the most important thing in your life right now. do you have supportive friends?
Thanks. My friends have been very supportive. It's just that everyone is so busy with their own lives these days. But they try and I know that they will be there for me when I need them. I really do feel blessed to have such an amazing family. My parents have been divorced for a little over a year, and things have been pretty rough, but they both love me so much and are willing to do anything they can for me. I cant even imagine where I would be without them. I just want to be able to give my child a happy home, and I want so badly for the father and I to work it out and be happy together. I'm just starting to think this is a fairytale dream I have in my head.
i understand that you want the daddy in your child's life. but if he's turning out to be such an ass, do you really want him in you and your unborn child's life? maybe you will find a nice guy, who's not the father, to be a real DADDY to your baby. good luck dear!
Your child can have a happy life without the father. And after all the baby is not even here yet. He has time, in the meantime don't stress out over him, that is not good for you or the baby. What he is doing, rather a defense mechanism for dealing with his own insecurites about being a father, is not good for you. He will come around or he will not. To be pretty honest it does sound like it could be a fairytale for you at this point, but people are known to do and say outrageous things when they are under stress. I would distance myself from him, don't close him out, don't be mean to him, but I wouldn't hang around him to have him degrading you and stressing you out. Stick with your family and friends who will be supportive to you.
awww hunny everything will be ok! it takes some guys time to figure things out before their baby comes into the world. some guys don't even realize how much they love their girl until they are away from them a little bit. i would say stay with your family and just hope he straightens his act out. much luck to you!
Everyone else here is right on, if you ask me Being in a good state of mind and feeling good about yourself is the best thing for both you and you baby, and that boy is not going to help you do that. As much as it may hurt at first, you need to give yourself a good talk and build up a wall to this guy. Right now you seem vaunerable to his actions and words, and he knows that and is playing on it. NOT NICE! You sound like a really nice girl, and you are soooo lucky to have a supportive family behind you! Lean on them! You can do this! We're all here for you! That boy over there isn't right now. Some guys really do get over their insecure feelings....the 3 month mark is when most of them kinda start to freak. But you can't rely on something you don't know, and you need to make yourself strong incase the dude decides to bugger off. If he turns around, then great, you have the extra support...but as it stands right now, start making your own plans. If he wants back in, it'll be on your terms, not his. *hugs*
i know its really hard, but you don't need someone like that in your life. especially now. i mean, if he can't treat you with kindness and respect while you are pregnant then he is not worth it. he's not even being a friend to you right now. he is doing/saying some pretty crappy things to you. if he needs time to deal with all this that is one thing but there is no reason to treat you this way. and if he cared about you at all he would not say/do these things to you. i say forget a relationship with him. you deserve so much better. i know its not all black and white in these situations and i know how badly you want him to be involved with your childs life. but right now he is not giving you what you need. enjoy your pregnancy and focus on being healthy and happy. it will all work out. maybe not the way you expected it to. but it sounds like you have a good support system in your family. count on them. share pregnancy milestones with them. take your mom to ultrasound appointments. i know its probably not the way you imagined this all playing out, but you didn't do anything wrong. this guy is the one with the problem. you shouldn't have to pay for it by feeling bad about yourself or your situation. deal with him after the baby is born. if he can be there as a father, great. but it doesn't sound like you can count on him to be there for you. good luck to you.
I went through the same thing. Except, my baby's daddy didn't take the news well AT ALL at first. He pushed me away from the moment I told him. He freaked out for a good 3 months....but I was persistent about seeing him and we did a lot of talking. We broke up for 15 minutes (really....it was only 15 minutes) then got back together. He really got himself down. He said his life was ruined and that he'd never get to do anything ever again (He turned 21 5 days after I told him). He really made me feel like crap all the time....I cried everyday those 3 months. We're happy now and he's really excited about being a dad. He finally realized that this baby isn't going to end his life....just give him someone else to care about. While he was going through his 'I hate you and I want you to die' phase, my mom was there. We weren't really 'close' before....I mean, we talked about things, but not like we do now. She's really become my best friend. My boyfriend had never told me he loved me before I was pregnant (We were only together a month....and 4 months by the time I'd figured out I was pregnant and I didn't just have a cold). So, I don't know how to address that one. But, he did tell me he didn't want to have a relationship with me. He said I was just trouble. But, we stayed together. He may be trying to get back with his ex to make you feel bad about yourself....and that might be why he's saying he never loved you and all that jazz. Yes, you're going through hell dealing with it....but, guys just don't understand that sometimes. You're the one carrying the baby, not him....why should he be nice....that's the way my boy explained it to me at first. You need to ask yourself if you think he'll eventually come around and if you have the emotional capacity to deal with his b.s until then? Can you wait for him....do you really want to? You just need to keep in mind, you have a baby to worry about....and you sound like you're excited. You'll be fine whether he sticks around or not, and you have to tell yourself that. Your family sounds wonderful....and they'll be there whether he will or not. You don't, by any means, NEED him....nor does your baby need him. My boyfriend eventually came around and we couldn't be happier. Of course, we still fight....but, just normal fighting. And, my hormones cause a lot of chaos....but that's neither here nor there. Honey, everything will be alright. Believe me. I've seen it happen....a lot of my friends were abandoned after they became pregnant....and they have some of the happiest babies I've ever been around. And, they have all the love they need. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this....but try to enjoy your pregnancy. What will be, will be. Keep your stress down as it's bad for your baby and you. You can PM me if you need to talk. I'm here.
Thanks so much to all of you. You are all so kind. I am definitely not as stressed as I had been, I know that something will work out. and I dont want all of his bullshit to take away from this amazing time in my life. I do wish i was able to share it with him, but thats really his loss isn't it? So thanks again, and best of luck to all of you having similar problems.
