Harry Potter-based Random Silliness

I was just going through my old files, looking for something completely different when I ran across this bit I wrote several years ago. It's like David Letterman takes on Harry Potter. If you aren't a HP fan, skip it... it's all inside jokes. And a complete waste of time. (But I had to do something that had absolutely NOTHING whatsoever to do with Smut and mudpuddle, simply for my own sanity.)

Top Ten Ways to Cost Your House Major Points Towards the House Cup at Hogwarts
(but still might be worth it)


10) Buy Dumbledore a lifetime supply of Berthie-Botts.

9) Tell classmates that the "petrificus totalis" spell is a good cure for impotence.

8) Stuff a bludger into Draco Malfoy's shorts.

7) Write an essay on the similar characteristics of Professor Quirrell and flobberworms.

6) Convince Nearly-Headless Nick that it's the epitome of humor to appear head first out of the faculty loo, but only when it's in use.

5) Announce loudly in Charms class that something called the "swish and flick" is entirely too gay to teach a bunch of eleven-year-olds.

4) Superglue Crabb and Goyle together at the lips. Get pictures for The Daily Prophet.

3) Slip industrial strength laxative into the delivery owls' feed.

2) Start a rumor that Ron is the only Gryffyndor that Hermoine isn't putting out for.

1) Tell Snape he walks like he has a Nimbus 2000 up his bum.​

 

haha, i like this thread, good one

 

Thank you. I wrote this up a few years ago when I was first introduced to the first couple of books by a friend. Anyone who says that HP is only for kids doesn't remember being that age themselves.

But so long as you found them entertaining, that's all I hoped for.

 

damn right i did, ledgendary.