I've figured out that I am tired of this whole one-night-stand, fuck-and-dump roulette I've been playing ... but I'm still not in search of "A Relationship." What I would really like is a long-term (3 months would be great, more would be incredibly nice but not necessary) open relationship or friendship with benefits, with someone who can have fun and treat me with respect. But I don't know how to ask for that -- too many guys think it sounds too much like "A Relationship", and run away from it! Also, the fact that I want this, makes me doubt myself -- as though I am not a "REAL" free-lover, as if I am somehow hypocritical. And no, I don't just want to give up on sex -- I'm not twenty years old yet, I like to live fast and hate waiting! So how can I get away from the empty fucking ("getting hit with the meat hammer") but yet stay true to my belief in human freedom?
Just hang in there girl, it will happen when the right guy comes along, I know you'v heard it before from old bastards like me, but you'r still young and got time on your side. In the mean time fuck as much as you want and enjoy it!! (If you ever want to fuck an old bastard, let me know)!
that is pretty much what i am looking for. i only want to be with one person but i don't want it to be a relationship. i want to be able to cuddle and go out together sometimes but i still want my freedom. impossible to find, apparently.
I used to just tell guys, though I was pretty blunt about it - "I want a fuck buddy, maybe a date once in a while, not a relationship." Like I said, I was pretty blunt about it (it's easy, for me) but most of the 'fuck buddies' I've had were understanding. Just tell them you don't want a REALLY serious relationship, you just want to have fun and go out once in a while.
Many times, for me anyway, it started as a friendship and just kind of turned... sexual? I understand what you want though. Free love comes in many forms, whether semi-attached or not at all. Sometimes you want a one-nighter, sometimes you want a friend with benefits. But it's always nice to have someone to hang with or have sex with, depending on your mood. Haha.
I'm looking for that too, and I'm a male. Equally impossible for us, apparently. Although I'll skip the going out part, a little too nice and bourgeois for me, I'm sorry to say.
Suncatch, have the courage to say in precise term what you want from the get go everytime. You'll get burned many times, but with some luck you may get what you want.
Why does everyone think a "relationship" takes away your freedom? Freedom to do what, exactly? Fuck other people? Why not just have a real relationship and invite others to join you in w/e sexual activity you want? ? Or explore all kinds but with the one person? I mean i know a lot of people are obessed with following their own philosophy, but when its obivious it isn't working out for you, isn't that a sign that it's time to challenge your own beliefs? To QUESTION them? Change isn't BAD. Relationships don't HAVE to limit your freedom. Also, who cares if you're not a "true" free-lover? So long as you're happy, fuck what everyone else thinks. It sounds like these boys who claim to be free-lovers are just yankin your chain. Scared of committment, scared of anything that goes into the "too hard" box. Suncatch, have you ever even HAD a long term relationship? I'm talking 1 year and above, not this 3 month business. You say you have all these issues with kissing and whatnot, i'm betting a real partner would stick around and help you, not run away like a little boy. If i'd run away at teh first sign of "issues" with my partner - i dont even want to think about what would happen to him. My adivce to you; find someone you love and who loves you back, who WANTS you to be HAPPY. If it's sexual freedom you want then fine, but it sounds like you need emotional support more. It sounds like you need "a rock" in your life.
I don't want to be with only one person, necessarily. I want to live fast and enjoy my youth for as long as I can. BUT I am tired of being treated like an article of clothing to be worn at convenience and then put back in the closet or abandoned. Eechi, you struck a few notes of agreement with me, so expect a full response to your points as soon as I'm back on my own computer.
The difference Eechi is you can see a friend who you have see and sex with (say) once a week, but try that in a relationship and one or the other of you usually wants more. Loving your friends is different to being IN love with someone. And isn't that the point to a relationship..?? It is in my book. I'm desperate for a friend to have sex with, alas there are not enough female friends in my life right now.
Okay -- I have pondered this very same question. Fellows I have dated who have wanted commitment, end up trying to control who I talk to, what I do, what I want out of life, and even what I think. That's why I like the "open relationship" thing ... but when I try to keep it casual and free, I always end up as the "secondary", left in the dirt for a *better* girl. It's not so much what OTHERS think, but what I think. I hate the thought that I am hypocritical to myself. :& I know, believe me. I just am not quite sure that what I want IS in fact at complete odds with what I believe. (See bottom of this post.) Hence, I am not so sure I need to change how I think. I know, but tell that to everyone else ... You know them too, then?! Three months is not a long time at all. It's very short. I ought to know, my longest relationship -- from the time I MET the fellow to the time we stopped speaking to one another -- was three months. I agree ... but what do you call a "real" partner? I am not challenging you, just asking for clarification and out of curiosity. Been there, done that, been dumped. I am trying to avoid that "rock", actually. I hate depending on other people for ANYTHING. What I want out of my relationships is this : someone who will let me be who I am, yet care enough to not just use me for sex and throw me away in the morning. I don't want "just one person", necessarily -- if I could have three people like this, I would take all three, but right now it just seems difficult to find only one. But is there room in free love for any kind of caring? Or is it all about the slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am and nothing more?
Well if you ever decide to move to the UK Sunny, there'd be a nice mature friend for you to relax and have fun and affection with here. I think you're lovely, and i hope you find a friend to share comfort and pleasure with soon.
Mm, by real partner i mean someone who is your equal. Someone who is constantly trying to control you is not seeing you as their equal. If you could find one or more people who each have something that you want, then great if you can get them at the same time - it happens! I'd just say be open to other kinds of relationships, because sometimes "the one" comes along a lot sooner than you'd think, don't let em walk by! Goodluck with it all
Yeah, I'm open to suggestion -- if I ever find "my one" (well, technically I don't think there IS only one person meant for any one other person, but I know what you mean), I won't dump him ... but regretfully I think he has already dumped ME!
suncatch, i have almost the opposite problem. i've been with my g/f for almost 3 years, and i love it. we can laugh, cry do whatever we want together. but im a more sociable person that her. i like seeing my friends a lot. however, my g/f feels uncomfortable in large groups (defined as more than 4 others), so i see less of my friends than i would like. but im okwith it cos im with her. our sex life started of a little awkwardly, but is now pretty good. however... im starting to look at other girls/women and think "what would it be like to have sex with them?" i love my g/f to bits, but a little corner of my mind is sometimes thinking "what would she be like in bed?" can anyone help me? i love my g/f, and we have great sex, but i'd love for my g/f and i to try a threesome or something. i know of some friends of mine who'd be up for it, but my g/f is too shy and she has issue about that sort of thing. please give any help/guidance you can. Peace Out
Why does everyone think I want monogamy and certainty? That was not the point of this at all. Seraph ... I don't know what to say. Dump her and fuck around.
So you want a friend with benefits? Not the most common people out there, but they are there for certain. The greatest difficulty would be finding them. Try personal ads, and explicitly say what you are looking for, another proactive search is freely hooking up (like you might while with said open relationship) and try to meet them that way. You might be surprised how many guys looking for action would love regular sex, but don't want the hassles of a full relationship. Biggest problem is life span, eventually someone gets bored, or someone gets attached. Bored is easy, you each move on, attached is complicated, especially since said parties are usually afraid to admit it and so continue on, only to get more and more attached. Then you have to deal with breaking their heart. personal ads would probably be a good place to go, you can be fairly discreet with them if needed, you can get a communication going before ever meeting them, and you can have the rules clearly lined out before you ever meet (and really all that wouldn't take to long) Being the attractive female you are, You should have no problem getting responses from good-looking, local, and "fun" loving guys
If you're getting turned down for open relationships, you're talking to the wrong guys. Keep trying, you'll find a suitable partnet soon.
