i've been with my boyf for a year n a half. but some ppl give me a lota slack because he is 28 n im 16. i dont get it as much anymore but theres the occassionaly snide comment. do u guys find anythin wrong with the age gap? and how do i get ppl who do to shut up? luv sunshine
If we assume puberty at age 13, you've been a woman for 3 years. He has been a man for 15. There are people who are not comfortable with that 15:3 ratio.
i think the only thing that people are scrutinizing (and it seems they do so in a tactless and mean way, which is wrong) is the fact that you are supposedly in a crucial phase of your development, which he is already past in his development, thus giving him life experience on you. now, i was in a relationship with a man who was in his forties when i was 17 which lasted roughly a year and a half (my family didn't know about us because i KNEW they'd flip out) and when i look back, this was detrimental to my development. however, that is my case and not yours. i would still, since you are very young, tread carefully and be sure to keep yourself, your education, and your future at the forefront of your priorities. being in a serious relationship with anyone of any age at your age has its benefits and drawbacks, and it's smart to evaluate whether or not a relationship has more benefits than drawbacks. i was a completely different person at 18 than i was at 16. now i'm 24, and i'm a completely different person now than i was at 18. i put off getting an education and achieving my own personal goals because of being distracted by the relationship i chose in that era of my life, thinking i'd found the one when it really turned out to be a bad pairing despite our age gap - when it boiled down to it, we weren't a good match. all i'm saying, i guess, is to stay focused on yourself, because you're in a critical development stage in your life. i must say that if i had a 16 year old son or daughter in a relationship with someone who was almost 30, i'd be scrutinizing the almost-30-year-old's intentions. however, if the intentions turned out to be good, i'd be happy if my kid was happy. i'd just be concerned for them taking care of their future.
I think that maybe the issue is simply because, in some states, that would be considered illegal. However, in the past, women were married off by the age of thirteen, to much older men, thrust into a life of baring several children and having to raise them with little money or support. Personally, I generally tend to date men within the range of one to five years younger than me. My current boyfriend is twenty and I am twenty five.
I don't think that "age" has as much to do with an age gap, so much as maturity. If you are a mature 16 year old it would be almost impossible for you to maintain a relationship with someone in your peer group. But, I am a mom, and being a mom would make me question the intentions of a 28 year old man that wants to date my 16 year old "minor" daughter. A 12 year old age gap becomes less of an issue as you get older, but at 16 it is pretty substantial. He graduated high school when you started school (or close to it) and his peer group is totally different from yours. This can pose a problem, and often does. Yes, people did used to get married at a young age, but the life expectancy was 35 years old and childbirth was often fatal. Times have changed, and with it people have become more critical of the world around them. Epiphany was correct when she said " maybe the issue is simply because in some states, that would be considered illegal." It is in my state, and is termed "unlawful sex/relationship with a minor" and people often say "16 will get you 20" when they see a relationship such as yours. The "20" means 20 years in jail, and it happens. What do your parents think of the situation? Your friends? They are the most important people in your life, not the stranger on the street. As for getting people to shut up....you can't when you are dating a 28 year old man at 16, so just ignore the comments as much as possible.
i daetd a 22yr old when i was 16; and there wasnt a thing wrong with it for me. 16 and 28 is a bit different; but who am i to judge. make sure you are TRULY comfertable, and youll be just fine.
Most 16 year old do not know enough about themselves to be in a healthy relationship with someone their own age...let alone someone who is 28 years old. I question why he would WANT to be in a relationship with a 16 year old...no offense, but what do you have to offer him in a relationship? I mean, let's be real here...what would a 28 year old MAN be looking for in a 16 year old GIRL? That makes me a little nervous...I mean...when I was 16...I had no idea how to talk to someone who was almost 30...I was in a relationship with a 22 year old when I was 15 and you know what? It was never going to work out because we were in two totally different places in our lives...we couldn't even relate to eachother on the same level...and I was pretty inexperienced relationship-wise. Is it possible he finds that he can control you easily...is he starting to steer you away from friendships or family? If so...you need to get out of there QUICK...that's an indication of bad things to come. Tread carefully...it's a sensitive situation that could defintely be detrimental to your development, like another poster already said. You will grow and change...and it's quite possible that you won't be the same person as you get older...and that might not be what he wants...*shrugs*
I have no problem with agegaps (i'm in one), but you are still pretty young and he's a lot older than you. 12 years doesn't make much difference once you're say, 20 or even 18, but at 16 yu're still discoverin' yourself, so I'd be careful. As long as the guy treats you well and doesn't try and control you or anything,then i say go ahead, but tred carefully 'cause you're going to change a lot in the next 4 yeras. when my bf and i met i was 19 and he was 35 but we were friends for a year before-hand. been together 3 years now and all is well, but some aren't so lucky. Hope that helps ya and take care.
How is a 16 year old girl going to recognize when a 28 year old guy is "trying to control" her? A 28yr. guy has more experience lying to women than a 16yr old has in detecting lies.
Well girl Life is about learning and growing. If he is an ass like poor ole suspicious MikeE seems to think he is I believe that you could tell. It's hard for closeminded people to try to fathom that you could be as emotionally mature as a 28 yr oldman/boy and that's what most of us guys are. Perpetual boys. Not lying perverts. Campfirejam is right on I think and the Wiz too.
Woodstock, NY, hey that's where the original woodstock was right? I know there's a lot of country land in New York, but whenever someone mentions NY, I picture New York City, like all of New York is like New York City, I don't know why.
