So there's this guy at work that's been showing interest in me lately...a little too much interest. At first he would just say hi to me in passing, then he started stopping by my part of the shop to say hi to me. This went on for a few days, then a few days ago he started really opening up to me, wanting to talk to me for stretches of time, showing me pictures of his kid, etc. He asked if I'd like to hang out sometime, and since he's a nice guy I though 'hey, why not?'. He asked for my number so he could call and make plans, so I gave it to him. That was about 5 days ago. Everyday since he's been calling me just to talk and to see how I'm doing. If I don't pick up the phone he calls 2-4 times (spaced out), and at that point I usually pick up. And last night he was out with friends, and he called because "he wanted to hear my voice". It's creepy me out now. He's coming on very strong, and I wish he would just back off. I have no intentions of being in a relationship with this guy, and I kind of don't want to be friends even. He's much older than me for one thing (10 years), he seems way to clingy, I don't find him attractive, and I don't want to get too close to someone with a mood disorder. (I have one myself, and in past experiences things go to hell fast when I get together with another afflicted person). So I don't want to hurt this guy, or make things awkward since I'll have to see him quite often, and also because he's good friends with a woman I work with, so how do I handle this? In the past I've gotten into relationships I don't want to be in because I've been too nice and afraid to hurt/offend the other person. What's a gentle, polite way I can go about this? Ideas would be appreciated. Exact sentences to use will be adored.
This is what breeds these situations. Learn to speak up for yourself and be honest with others. The next time he calls tell him that the frequency of calls is making you uncomfortable and you have no intention of having a relationship with him. You are going to have to do it anyway. What are you just going to start seeing this guy because you don't want to cause discomfort? Just be honest and tell him to quit calling. If it still doesn't work cut off contact and change your number.
You should have never given him your number in my opinion. But since you can't go back in time, you just need to be upfront with him, exactly how you are in this thread. I sound like a bitch, but sometimes these things are what people need to hear in order to snap them back into reality. And don't get me wrong I have had crushes before, but this is going way beyond that and if you don't set boundries now, you will be crying in 2 months that his stalking has gotten worse and taken a whole new turn.
there are a million ways to try to send him the message that your not interested. however, the most effective one is to be straight up and honest. you dont have to be mean, you just have to be respectful and truthful. let him know that youd like to keep the relationship strictly buisness, maybe friends, but thats all. if he has issues, i would maybe tell a manager to just keep an eye on him and see if he can help give you both space. lying to him is what got you into this mess, so you mind as well end it as quick and painlessly instead of piling more lies on top.
just tell him that your seeing somebody now or that your ex boyfriend came back to town and you think that you two are going to get back together. dannayelli
when i used to give guys that wanted my number my phone number i'd give them the police stations number... No way no how . They have to have the balls to give me their number. thats exactly why. Anyways just try to say politely the multiple calls are making you uncomfortable and you don't want to be in a relationship or (even friends)... * And if at work he makes you uncomfortable you can write him up you have all rights not just cause your a woman but if a woman was doing that to a guy as well he could do the exact same to her. Don't be afraid. Pg
Next time you see him at work tell him ohw you are feeling. that you're not interested in a relationship with him and that the frequency of his calls are making you feel uncomfortable. Here's wishing you luck
"I enjoy spending time with you on a friend level and I am so glad I get to work with such a fun guy. I think you would be perfect for my friend *insert name here*" He's going to come back with 'Well I think you're pretty perfect or something lame like that and in that case he is not respecting your boundaries so be blunt and say "I think YOU may have misunderstood my intentions. I am particular), you're very attractive, but not my type"
You weren't to know what this guy was like when you gave him your number. You just thought he was a nice guy. Now that he's coming on too strong you need to tell others what is happening. If he does turn out to be a complete nut job, other knowing what the situation is could prevent allot of mess (just make sure that telling others doesn't lead to a situation where his is ostracised at work). Next, you need to tell him that you are not interested in him. It would probably be good to do this at work when others are around, BUT not when everyone can hear. If you can't do this at work, do it at the shops or something with plenty of strangers around. This way he can't get violent without others knowing immediately. This will also help him save face and avoid embarrassment (he still might just be a really nice guy who comes on too strong and has no social skills). Tell him that you don't want him to call you. If he asks why, tell him you don't need a reason. It is your decision wether you want to interact with him outside of work hours.
Rule # 1: You shouldn't play where you work Rule #2: When speaking to him about this situation refer to rule # 1. Goodluck don't let him pressure you
Thanks everyone. I've lost my nerve the past couple of days and have ended up just giving him the cold shoulder instead. He's backed off a bit (less visits at work, less calls) but it's not enough for comfort. I'm thinking today's the day. If he stops by where I'm working I'll tell him that I'd appreciate if he wouldn't stop by while I'm working, and that I'd also appreciate it if he didn't call. I'm also hoping to add that I think it would be best if we weren't friends outside of work. That way he might think I mean that I don't want friendships with ANYONE I work with and not take it so personally. If he does take it personally at least I'll have it off my chest, and be in a place to tell management if he bothers me more. Thanks again everyone.
