How does a man distinguish himself as a man?

well, that goes for women, too. it's a unisex thing. it's a universal.

 

There are male rites of passage. There used to be private family recognitions of becoming a man. The first long pair of pants used to mark the end of childhood.

Now, there are different recognitions. Your husband chopping wood with his grandfather is one. Both realized that he had grown up.

If your report about a woman's first period (about which no man has a valid opinion) is accurate, then it marks womanhood in two ways. 1)The girl becomes a woman and changes physicaly. 2)The mother sees the daughter as a woman.

#2 is the kind of feeling that passed between your husband and his grandfather.

 

*slow claps*

 

Actually the perceived inferiority of others different than an individual is quite prevalent by that individual. We are all different. What experience brings on is self-confidence and that combined with happiness makes a powerful healing tool for both the mind and body. In fact, I think of just about everbody in the world(and some outta this solar system) as being inferior(soft laugh). I do think their is some merit being egotisical and selfish as long as it doesn't go to spoiled brat and greedy. No Expectaions by the Rolling Stones now playing just explained my minds thoughts, Mick sings lyrics like I believe.

 

exactly. i'm sick of all this stereotypical bullshit.

 

exactly so. but what has left me wondering (and wandering, i know) is the complete lack of any of that in my brother's lives. seriously. it makes me sad.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mynameiskc
i see myself in you. we're more alike than you know. everything you said there...it's so me. it makes me uncomfortable. but to be truthful, have you never liked someone and been hurt when they say awful things to you? i love a discussion/debate as much as the next argumentative ass (which i am), but i've learned that you learn more and get more out of it when you don't go out of your way to belittle someone.

response by insanejester.................
Well I've learned sometimes you can like people too much... and eventually that gets in the way of saying the things that need to be said...

I don't believe in trading honesty for a comfortable relationship...

MY RESPONSE
....mmmmmmmmm
"you can't always get what you want (3x)
but if you try sometimes...you just might find.
you get what you need" - Mick Jagger from the song You Can't Aways Get What You Need.

 

lol. you're on a roll.

 

yeh I ran a thread in young hippies a while back with stereotyping in the title, there were some real interesting comments coming from a lot of younger people under 20....ya know I bless my lucky stars there is the newsgroups on the web, if not, I dunno, I might think the quiet kids in public were all a bunch of dunces, haha.

 

You may be unaware of it. It isn't something that is announced.

 

well, neither of my dads were particularly worthy of the title. though my step got much much better. but by the time he did it, both older brothers were out of the house (kinda). they just sorta cast around a bit, lost. it seems overcoming extremely painful circumstances and dealing with the fallout were their steps. i can't help but think they'd both be smiling a bit more if we'd had something to give them for positive growth.

 

the dad roll model thing brings to mind............

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost. -Billy Graham

seems to me your brothers kc could have been helped getting focused on their own character at the time..........me?......even to this day I feel like one of the Lost Boys in Peter Pan.......I culture the lost feeling, kinda like watching a suspenseful movie like Sleuth. Not a whole lot of killer action, just a wonder about what is gonna happen next.

 

If you are looking for a division of male/female roles, it could just come down to you and yours. I cook, my wife does the dishes. I distract the 3 yo she changes the baby's diaper. I work outside the home she stays home and raises the children (this one is really traditional). I'm not saying it has to be this way for everyone, but you can slip into your roles that show off your strengths. You can switch, when my wife cooks, I do the dishes. Or share, we both clean and take care of the kids.

If you are looking for a defining moment for boys.. the boy's first period.. Look to the wet dream. Though it is not a celebrated moment between father and son, it is not an open thing. You have to go out (probably with your mom) and get products and learn how to use them and it marks maturity. We learn how to do laundry and hope to god that no one ever finds out about it. So yes that is a purly physical act of your body that changes you .. you went to bed a boy and woke up a man. (except in the eyes of the law).

One more thing that a man does... he listens while you fret. He is the rock when you are the storm. He decides things when you endlessly go back and forth between 2 things (shoes, where to eat, houses), he has a shoulder to give when you are crying, he is the one who will think you are beautiful after your 3 kid (and 4th cheeseburger and 6th beer), part of what defined me as a man, and it sounds like your brothers too, is my wife. But that's ok, I help her to be the woman that she is.

Men don't need party hats that say.. today you are a man, sometimes they need solitude. Sometimes they need to be physical and chop wood, and sometimes they just need that woman to hold them while they fall apart.

Other than that... watch the red green show

 

that's beautiful, stepdaddy. like i said, my husband went the stereotypical macho country boy style. samhain went a totally opposite direction, but both were defining them as the men they are. i could wish for something better, but if i had sons, it would probably just be incredibly embarassing, come to think upon it.

 

By his deeds.

 

I got another one, I heard this from Chris Rock and I think it is true: Men get the big piece of chicken.

I was taking apart a bunk bed yesterday and hauling the pieces out to the garbage. My 3 yo girl was asking why I was taking it all apart and why I was hauling it. After I told her we were getting new beds she responded: No you are doing this because you are the big strong daddy.

So as men we get to set up furniture, make the bicycles (sometimes at 2 am on christmas eve) take apart the VCRs and get the big piece of chicken. We do get the remote too as noted above.

I like LdyNimue's by his deeds indeed.

 

I think your daughter hit it right on. By being the hero Daddy

 

i like that post, stepdaddy, it makes a great point greater, not to mention prompting fond memories for me...

 

my daughter is 4, and she's getting so big and heavy that i can't just throw her around anymore, not like i do the baby. so now she waits for her daddy to hold her, throw her and carry her around, which is nice, because she was always a mama's girl.

 

I hope this doesn't sound cold, I'm only speaking freely here.

I'm 22, raised with no father, through my experience I think woman push manhood on men more than we do our self's, it's kind of hard to explain. My Ex girlfriend want it me to be a man, well what her personal picture a man was to be.

I couldn't care less if I was considered man or not in general, & since I had to grow up watching my own ass it extremely turned me off when I had to be forced into a role that has certain limitations I'm bind to. Just never fit right & my ex girlfriend was trying to push me into a place I wasn't comfortable & thus our break up.

I don't know about all this hunting & loving crap. I would say a boy turns into a man when reason & logic kicks in.