I really dont know whats going on

Hey you guys....be nice...this is hard for me to put out there

Ok I really think something is wrong with me. And I think marijuana is the only thing thats helping me deal with it.

For a long time now about every month or two I will go two weeks at least where I get very down and angry. I will be very touchy, snap at my boyfriend and family. Well thats just what im lilke when im around people...when im not, i stay in my room and cry for no reason throughout the day. The only thing I can do to stop crying is smoke a bowl. And when I dont have any weed its much much worse, and I think when I have to go a while without smoking it brings on these feelings. ALso if something happens and I get down, it will be a week before I can feel lke normal again. And when I am crying I feel furious, I have a horrible urge to throw something heavy and scream and cry...and then I feel the urge to hurt myself. I have never done serious harm, it was always biting myself or using sissors or pins to scratch at myself or scratching my wrists...

What makes it harder is that when this happens it doesnt neccesarily mean that something is going wrong in my life. Like I will have something realy great happen and still feel like this.

This week is an example, My fiancee has lived two hours away for 9 months and found out this week that he has a job back down here in a week. Yesterday I was so happy but within an hour I felt angry, touchy and realy down. I just dont understand whats going on. I just had one of the fits I meantioned 30min ago. I smoekd a bowl and now im not crying but I still feel anxious and on edge.

I dont know, I wouldnt think anything of this if it didnt keep happeneing, its really hard to feel like this over and over again. I will be sitting in my room and sobbing and clenching my fists, and thinking ther is nothing wrong in my life, nothing that should be making me cry...and not knowing what to do except get high....

Is this something I could talk to my normal doctor about for some help? My parents will not pay for me to go to a shrink (I told them I had an eating disorder two years ago..I dont struggle with it anymore)...

I just really dont know how to deal with this and I dont know what is goign on...

Has anyone else felt like this??

Thanks you guys so much

 

Might be some sort of combo between anxiety and depression. It sounds like you definitely need meds. Remember, right now you are self medicating. But weed will never be a permanent fix (for obvious reasons) I suggest you go to the doctor and tell him your symptoms. He should refer you to a psychologist.

If you end up on meds, remember they take time to work. Be patient and completely honest with your doctor. Good luck and feel better!

 

You sound pretty normal for a girl your age, nothing wrong with you....less drugs and more exercise will help. Don't blame problems on others and accept life for what it is and try to enjoy it. Life is a struggle and doesn't always feel good.

 

I totally agree with the above post, you should go see a doctor about this. Im glad I did, I feel much better. I wish you the best of luck GreenButterflyDaisy. :sunglasse

 

Have you thought that it may be hormonal? Try and record when abouts you feel like this and if you see a pattern it could be hormonal. Some people dont think hormones can be something which can cause you sadness, depression etc. but they can. And they can make you feel terrible, down, tearful, angry etc. It doesn't have to be just before your period either.

 

Yeah, there are other things it could be too, just go to the doctor and be totally honest with them. :sunglasse

 

I agree with the hormonal suggestion. Keeping track of it can really help prepare you mentaly for when it will come around. I have been watching my own because the doctors thought I was bi polar and even gave me medication for it...but something did'nt feel 'right', the diagnosis did'nt ring true.


So actually when a friend began noticing that I was always in a 'hole' just after the full moon and that it coincided with when my monthly cycle was kicking in and my severe anger and suicidal thoughts would come the week before helped me realise that mebbe the emotions are real, but the only causes are internal.

Shifting my moon time so it did'nt happen with the full moon made a huge difference and so did adding more exercise, it releases your bodies natural mood stabilizers.

Also mebbe look at what you eat, do you get enough of the B vitamins? are there sugars that may be affecting emotional stability by intensifying how you feel?

It's crazy how all this stuff interacts...and that there are'nt better answers out there than 'you are bi~polar' or some other big word disorder.

 

i only read the first paragphraph, but i think for some people weed causes more mood swings than others. and ofcourse not smoking pot for a week makes it worse. it will require you to quit for a good couple months. if your still not "normal", than ...thaaan....

 

Well I have kind of confirmed to myself that 1) something is wrong and I am going to talk to my doctor about it as soona sI can 2) smoking is what helps me even out. 3) i am pretty sure it is related to hormones...

This past weekend i wasnt able to get any weed, and by monday I was a mess. I spilled some soda and got so frustrated that by the time i cleaned it up and was back in my room I was throwing things around. I broke a pill bottle, a yearbook, and dented my wall with a pair of mens shoes... then I sat and cried...my fiancee was at the house and when he saw me and my room he was upset and I sat down and told him that this was what i had talked to him about (I told him essentially the same thing i wrote here and he said it was hormones and told me it was pretty normal) but he is the first persson i have ever been around when i had a momnet like this and he told me he thought i should talk ot my doctor too...

I just know that I cant rely on weed to make me ok, and i cant keep getting this upset becuase it just makes it too hard to function..and im really scared that something like htis will happen while im at work..so im gonna do what i need to

thanks for the advice

 

good luck. And don't worry. Although we don't know too much about the brain, doctors are generally able to deal with the symptoms you describe.

I would suggest trying to wean yourself off the weed, at least for a while. It will definitely make the job of meds or therapy more difficult (it is a known depressant). I'm not saying not to smoke ever again, but at least until you get back on track. And again, you can come off it slowly.

And don't get disappointed if the first thing you try doesn't work Tell your doctor everything you feel and are going through. If the first thing doesn't work, the second might, or the third etc.

Good luck and stay positive!

 

sounds kinda like bipolar disorder...

or something you're upset about but suppressing, and therefor unable to identify.

you either have a good reason to be upset that you just aren't aware of, or you are seriously chemically imbalanced - in either of which situations, you would benefit greatly from visiting a psychologist or counselor of some sort.

good luck, feel better!

 

I completely agree and applaud this response. I couldn't have said it better myself.