I don't know if this type of thread has been started yet but here goes. This is a divorce thread for those going through, about to go through, considering or just coming out of a divorce. I'll start, i'm going through a divorce and in about 2 hours from now will be signing the papers. I've been lucky in the sence that he's a good man even though we fight and want different things in our life, we're still friends. We just can't live with one another. We've been living apart now since Jan. Everything has been split up and we have no children. I thought "ok well this is might not be so hard to deal with". Boy was I wrong!! Once the decision was made to get a divorce the fighting seemed to stop. But i'll tell ya even if it's simple, cut and dry it's not an easy situation. I don't know if this thread will go anywhere and if it dosen't then thats fine, it's helped me. I hope it can help someone else going through this.
Well nim I will comment on your thread from a male's perspective....cuz I have been seperated from my wife(of 26years)for over a year now...and have prolonged the process of divorce out of reasons of finances and the emotional aspect.I was the one done wrong in my marriage..yet I still look at all those years that are basically wasted.Hell I even went and fell in love again with someone else,only to have my heart further stomped upon...it is a sad state of affairs that games are played at another's emotional expense.I can only imagine the lost you are going through...cuz I have yet to cross that bridge,and I know it isn't going to be easy ...even after being seperated for this amount of time.Yet I still cannot bring myself to take her back after what was done and how I was played.If nothing else nim this thread will be a good platform for others to vent their feelings in regards to similiar situations....which can only help in the healing process,to let those feelings out and view them personally.Thank you for starting this and having the nerve to speak your heart...it has provided me with the strength to do the same.I hope you can find the peace needed to endure these troubled times...as I am seeking for that same peace,and strength...just as my name implies I am trying to fill a major void in my life...which was further widened with a secondary collapse of a relationship..thanks for your strength,draw upon that is all I can say to you,you had the strength to expose your feelings..draw upon that strength for your own emotional survival.
Fyl thank you for sharing. Your warm words of have given me and I hope anybody else who happens upon this thread comfort. It is hard to go through this right now, this I know. One of the lessons i'm learning is to let go of the pain. It's the only way I can move on with my life. A divorce is very personal and everyone deals with it in a different way. But the one common factor seems to be pain. It's kinda like a death. But once the grieving period has passed, lets hope it takes the pain with it. That way we can all mend. Again many thanx. LdyNim
Yes nim..getting through the pain is the hardest struggle...specially when the ghosts keep coming back to haunt you on a daily basis...they say time heals all wounds.....but when they are opened daily..it is a struggle to keep the bleeding in check.As fatalistic as it may sound..there are times I just wish I would bleed out and it would all be over with.Basically waiting on the time to heal all..is only going to come by closing off the heart and turning to total coldness to every living soul...for I have lost all faith in emotions..since they are nothing more than a vehicle to be used against a person.Especially if you open your heart up to individuals who are deceptive and live in a false world of their own making...I know my tone has strayed from the original cocept which I tried to convey...but dealing with my situation...can only be summed up by I have lost all faith in relationships...and my survival will only be obtained through resentment and lack of concern....it beats being ate from the inside out from the pain of the loss.I have hung my heart out there for the last time...since there are too many vultures circling out there looking for a free feast. It is obvious that the only way I will find survival,salvation,and sanity is to cast my heart and soul into the depths of nothingness...and become the ruthless coldhearted bastard...I have been accused of being.Not a very positive outlook I know,but it is all I have left.Just as I have heard numerous times:"All a woman has left is being a total bitch"...well that attitude transcends the gender lines...and is a way of dealing with loss...and at the stage of my life..it looks to be a like a very good fit...so be it.
Coming back from a year overseas to a seven month pregnant woman who had promised to be my wife, opened my eyes. I discovered there had not been a month go by that someone hadn't 'scored.' I was upset. I refused to pay any costs. I demanded that the court consiuder her the 'guilty party.' All went my way, she went to the jerk that now has to live with her and 'his' kid. I'm free and clear, out of service, back to being me. Someday I'll try again - so much wiser. Hard lesson to learn. Still hurts, but I've literally worked my way through the whole thing with a minimum of tears. Question is how any person can do this? And, get this, mom said it would happen. Hasn't said, " I told you so!" Getting around now, surprisingly happy/relieved. Stick in there gang, no sense living with misery! Ain't worth it!!
I wrote this awhile back from my own experiences. I try and follow it myself but like everyone else on here I'm still learning and growing. I just took a chance on a new relationship and was so wrong about who I THOUGHT that person was. Who she was and what she claimed she was all about ended up as two different people. But I think every relationship we do walk away with some good things aside from our heart being broken again. I don't judge the success of a relationship by the length of it anymore and I just take any of the emotions now and pump it into my Art. Also-I think the more we do get our hearts broken the more they can also open. This is long but well worth the read. Peace The Wiz Soul Mates? Humanity as a race is going through a major transition at this time. This results in changes both physical, emotional and spiritual. Often when we are making these changes, we attract someone to help us through this phase of our experience here. This person the Transition Person. Usually this person does not remain in our lives, or live up to fantasies we may have created about them, but they do serve a purpose in helping us move on and into a new space. The Transition Person can be a friend, lover, or both. Here is an example...You are in a bad marriage or relationship. You know you need to move on, but as with most people you don't want to move forward until someone new has come into your life. Many people hate living alone. [Remember that in most separations - one partner has found someone new while the other is mortally wounded!] Enter the Transition Person. That person is someone you have attracted to help you move on. Now comes the sticky part...Often you think you have attracted that person as your life long soul mate. Wrong! Usually that is not the case. That person lives out whatever karma they have to help you move on...then moves out of your life. Your soul is confused. But you have to understand their role in your life and accept it - allowing time for your soul to heal from the issues of both relationships. Always keep this in mind when dealing with any relationship - either both of you want the relationship - or you don't! That's it. If one of you is ambivalent - it will end. Don't push the energies. If you are waiting for the Transition Person to return - Give it up!! If that person was supposed to be in your life they would be there! That's it! No excuses today! Look at your relationship! You and your partner or ex-partner are either on the 'same page' or you are not! The Transition Person can also be there to help you when you relocate as your soul tells you a move is needed. Most people move to places where they know other people, if moving alone. The Transition Person can be that person, but may move out of your life after helping you relocate. The karma is over. You are on your own. That is what this game is about anyway! We all attract Transition People at one time or another. They just seem to show up in our lives as if by synchronicity. With this person - watch your heart and do not fall in love easily. Most likely you will get hurt. In Metaphysics the Transition Person is the one who helps you 'wake up' to the greater reality of the universe - and to healing whatever issues you have been dealing with. This too is a person you can get very friendly with...but beware ...do not fall in love as now you are dealing not just be 3D stuff but with spiritual as well. Falling in love with a metaphysical partner then loosing them, can be the most destructive of all especially as you are building a new YOU. You can become way to co-depending on Transitional People at that time - as healers, teachers, authors, etc. I have learned how quickly people in this field become lovers - which has also been my own experience. We meet - begin a transition - spend time together - quickly feel we are in love. As metaphysics is an ongoing journey into awareness - one partner soon moves on. Metaphysical people are free spirits who experience many people, places, and things.As humans we are not created to be monogamous. That is a social condition - but there are variations on all themes - as karmic bonds can create long relationships. If you are ready to make change in your life...look for the Transition Person you will now bring in for you to experience with. They can be fun. You really can enjoy the time if you don't allow yourself to get too co-dependent on them and allow them to move on when one or both of you are ready. Honor what you and the Transition Person have shared, then move on. It is almost Fall - a time of transition and graduation to things that will help your soul grow. Your Transition Person may be about to knock on your door. Please be there to open it, and don't be afraid. Go with the flow....of creation....your creation! Trust it! THE INTERIM LOVER You wish to end a bad relationship with a spouse / lover. You have put up with all sorts of abuse and unhappiness but have stayed with that person because: you were afraid to be alone felt comfortable enough to stick it out couldn't imagine --or feel worthy of--a good partner financial or family obligations kept saying you would leave but didn't have the guts to do it! You were waiting for another person to come along first. Enter the Interim Lover! You sense the karma between you the moment you meet and a strong attraction. They have everything your partner lacks and most of all understands you - you are on the same frequency. The connection is strong. You think about this person constantly - and they feel the connection - as if you tune into each other's thoughts. You see soul connection! You connect with each other's thoughts and energies. Sometimes this can become an obsessive pattern. You call, email, make plans, laugh, share your lives, have great sex! You finally leave your first relationship as it no longer works for a 'happily ever after' with the new partner. With all of the "perfect ingredients" you think nothing but blissful thoughts. You never stop to think that the universe has brought this person into your life just to help you get away from the first partner. Suddenly the "bubble is burst"! The fantasy stops. Reality Check. Obsession - High maintenance as you try everything you can to get the energies back to where they were. Perhaps the partner disappoints you and decides to move in another direction. Perhaps the partner said they would leave their partner for you - then decides that they cannot leave or once they have left - being alone and free is more suited to their needs than being with you. You are crushed! You question what went wrong and why. You must now come to an understanding as to why that person came into your life in the first place - how they helped you grow, experience, and move forward - and that no one is here to bring you the happiness you must find for yourself on your 3D journey into awareness. You must now seek your personal power and continue the journey that was given to you when you first attracted the Interim Lover. How have you grown from the experience? Are you upset because you did not get what you want or expected? How long did you really feel the Interim Lover could maintain this experience while dealing with their own issues? Can you get past the anger? Doesn't everybody after a period of time? After a bad relationship ends you must find out who you have become and what you have learned. You are not the same person you were when you first started the initial relationship. You have grown in both relationships and reality now takes on a new frequency for you. If you feel you need professional help from a therapist -seek this out. Spiritual counselors can also give guidance - as can a good psychic reading. Friends and family may help - if you are willing to listen. You wonder about the fantasy about eternal love and romance and whether it will ever find you. You may feel alone and depressed. This is better than giving your personal power away. Please do not return to your original partner in desperation or out of fear of being alone. Being alone is a time of growth. You do not have to feel lonely. This is your journey - use it wisely.
that's a really nice piece of writing wiz i'm halfway thru my separation, another 6mos before we can get divorced. ::sigh:: i kindof decided to wait until the divorce was over before i hooked up with someone new. need some space for myself, to rebalance and recenter so that i dont get sucked back into icky relationship patterns. y'know how sometimes you end a relationship with one person and end up with someone who turns out to be exactly like the person you left? i dont want that kind of thing to happen.
I dance around through-out the whole house barefoot...but dancing barefoot on burning coals would be easier then any new relationship
Well said Wiz & very true, that's a path i've been down before. And had that same talk with a friend of mine the other night. I explained to him "This is a road I can't go down right now". "I have to get my life in order and get back to knowing myself again before I can share my life with anybody else". We've been friends oh for about 4 years now. When he found out my ex and I went our own way he was right there for me. "Do you need anything"? "How can I help"? I told him a friend is what I need right now. I got married for the first time at 40 years old, and it seems like i've had to learn to do things all over again for myself. And thats as it should be. Part of me enjoys this quest to find myself again, but then there are some days I don't. It's all a learning process.
Awww Fyl you and I have had chats on this subject before and have helped one another in the process. You may not agree with this, but hey whats one more woman to disagree with right . In order for a wound to heal it does need to be covered up sometimes. If it keeps getting picked at it becomes just that a huge raw wound. Just don't let it fester baby. It's been my experience in life that I have caused myself the most pain at times. I'd hate to see that happen with you. So go ahead and heal, it's needed. People will come in and out of your life, sometimes when you least expect it. Once you've healed come back to the playing field. You just might fylthevoyd. LdyNim
When I divorced my ex it was a nightmare. While I tried to keep it civil he did not, and that caused much pain and bitterness. However after many years and much forgiveness we are friends. For me the hardest part was losing a friend....we were lousy at being married. I will say that I needed time to heal myself and figure out what it was that I wanted out of life. I spent 10 years living for my ex, and decided to tear down and rebuild. So, for anyone going through a divorce I would have to say don't jump back into the fire....get to know yourself and take the time to fix things if needed. It made a world of difference to me, and now I know that I can conquer the world if I set my mind to it. Being single is a great time to figure out who you are and what you want. As for the dancing part.....dance like no one is watching you, and have fun!
Setting out for the individual journey, we sometimes find the waves of drama rising high take all our attention, as if this was the only truth. And caught in drama, we sometimes we forget that it is not the others who make our lifes miserable, or happy. But nobody can make us so ... nobody can make us sit in bitterness forever. Nobody can take away our ability to love either. But all the others add to what is ours. Sometimes the anger at life, like a mask, sits on the face of joy; and sadness covers the deeper knowing of all being one. The echoes of the void as they fill you become the mirrors of a separate truth, telling you this is your wondrous journey; and you are the very best to make it, as this is your gift to life. Sooner or later we all come to know that life itself makes us whole and complete, as it is life that heals, and it is life that changes; and it is, and ever was ours, through all the facets we have been. ... just a few thoughts on this thread. Have a good day everybody
Hello, everyone. This is a helpful thread. I am not divorced, but am at a crossroads in my marriage where that is certainly an option. At this point, staying or leaving both seem impossible. It's good to know that if I choose to go my own way, I will come out of it alive ( and wiser )!
Read this thread very interesting. Going through a divorce, very bad one. Someone helped me through it, they also in the same position. I fell for this person but never mentioned it, they are happy on their own/space after the trauma and arent looking to a relationship, only when they are through this. Do i maintain the friendship, which still exists and hope, this person is there the same still. Are they the wise and just me be foolish, they know time is needed on both sides.
or is this self destructive on my part or could this friendship with all its caring still be my constant help i need. In a turmoil through the divorce and continuing bad part and actions of ex, so cannot see clearly
