help! I think my mom might be anorexic

I'm really scared my mom might be anorexic or may have some other type of eating disorder. she's maybe around 5'4" and weighs 108 lbs! this is the first time I've seen her this skinny since I was very young. she's had three kids and for the past 10 years or so has been overweight, which my step-dad used to really hassle her about. I don't know if I should say something or what I should do about it, but I'm really worried about her. she doesn't take personal criticism from me very well, but I'm the only one who seems to really think there's a problem. I just don't know what I should do about it, if anything.

so my mom has been EXTREMELY stressed out for the past year. she had a long, drawn out, horrible divorce from a man she can only describe as evil. he tried to leave her with nothing and take complete custody of their only child. not for any valid reasons, either, just because he was mad at her. he still does shitty things, just to try to get back at her, and often he uses his son (my little brother) to piss her off, like not taking him to baseball practice or scheduled appointments. just a few days ago she had to send my little brother to him to Florida (from Idaho) so that they could have the next three months together, since my mom got to have him for the last three, and in just the past three days he (the ex-husband) changed the only phone number my mom had to get ahold of him. this, plus the fact that she works CONSTANTLY (sometimes 50 hours a week), and her new car was just hit-and-ran yesterday, has REALLY been stressing her out. she smokes (cigarettes) like a chimney, the only thing I ever see her drink is diet soda and she gets drunk almost every night at home alone, and she barely ever has anything to eat in her kitchen. when I ask her about it, she just blows it off "I eat at work". and I've noticed when she does eat, it takes VERY little for her to be full. and she seems to be a little proud of that. I was starting to wonder about her maybe having an eating disorder, so I talked with my grandma about it, and she told me that she once was alarmed when she found laxatives in my mom's room when she was a teenager. THAT, to me, is a big kind of signal that this might truly be a problem.

I just need to know what someone else thinks...

 

ok this is really serious I need some help...

 

Sounds like a problem to me. The fact that she seems a little bit proud of it is a red flag.
Most eating disorders, from what I understand of them, are related to control issues.
Your mothers life is obviously getting away from her right now, it sounds out of her control. Drinking will just add to the problem...It's also empty calories.
You're going to have to handle her with kit gloves though.
I really don't have any advice on how to approach this one.
I think your genuine concern for her well being is very touching.

Personally, I would look online for some groups more familiar with the disorder to maybe talk with before taking it further. Seems to be a fragile situation.
Her eating habits and lifestyle sound like the only escape, &/or things that she has any or much control over now.
You, being her child,(even as an adult)are in a precarious position.
My heart goes out to you, I wish you well with this situation... Step lightly. Be cautious.

 

The STRESS diet- I've done that one. It was REAL effective for me too. I unknowingly went on the stress weight loss plan during my horrible divorce where my ex sued me for custody of my 2 children. I dropped 25 lb in 1 month, along with some of my hair.

I dont think you are looking at an eating disorder. It sounds like extreme stress and maybe depression to some extent. She should see a doctor for something to help her relax if nothing else.
I finally went to the doctor after that first month and was given a Rx for some kind of mild tranzuilizer so I could get through the day.

 

You think it's just stress?

I have dropped weight real fast before from stress...Then there's stress eating I hear about..Certainly possible.

Tamee...what do you think?

 

hmm...I don't know. she's had the same diet for a very long time. but I think the stress is the major contributor to the weight loss. I know I don't barely eat when I'm really stressed out, and I've NEVER had to go through anything she is going through now. so I think I'll just be there for her and see what happens. maybe I'll try to sneak into her house one day and steal her scale from her...she looks at it all the time. or maybe I should let her keep it. she says it helps her try to not lose too much weight...

 

Not to be insensitive (seriously) and I may respond more later but if she is drinking almost every night (espiecially if she's drinking beer?)- she is most likely not anorexic. You know how many calories in beer? Just yeah... a truly anorexic person would not be drinking like that...

however that doesn't mean your mom is not depressed (which might make her not feel like eating) or have other problems...

 

she does drink beer sometimes, but most of the time it's liquor. I find bottles everywhere, under sinks, in closets...anorexia has to do with food. I don't think she cares how many calories are in alcohol. she doesn't really care about calories at all. it's the stress that makes her not eat. plus her ego.

 

It sounds like your mother has a problem. Its not clear exactly what her problem is. I'm not up on the fine distinctions between anorexia and forgetting to eat because of stress.
I would address her drinking rather than her eating habits.It would be easier to convince her that she needs help to stop drinking than to convince her that she might be anorexic.

 

yeah i've been telling her about her drinking problem for the past 5+ years and she just won't listen. she's perpetually telling me "we'll talk about this later".

 

Well, if she won't listen, she won't listen. And these are things that she has to fix. You can't do it for her. You can point out that she needs help, but she has to do the work.

Sorry.