I didn't really know where to post this but I think this is a fairly good place because I'm looking for advice from young like-minded people so here it goes. I got this friend, (and no this is not me lol it's actually one of my best friends) lets call him A, and we've been friends since 3rd grade I believe, we are now entering sophomore year in highschool. His dad is a huge guy that probably drinks a little too much and it was never really a problem until lately when A decided to not play junior varsity football which is a big thing in his family. So he told his parents he wasn't interested in football and his dad started cussing him out from what he told me and beat the crap out of him. Then a few days later he came to my house with a bag of weed to smoke (this isn't unusual we've been smoking together for about a year) and he starts telling me about how his dad started screamin at him for no reason last night and it escalated to a fight where his dad shoved him into a wall and started hitting him. It's a classic example too of child abuse because his mom told him not to tell anyone since his dad could go to jail for it. Anyway, I'm not quite sure how to approach this I mean I tried to give him a little advice but he didn't want to talk about it. I certainly don't want to tell my parents or other adults because obviously I told him I wouldn't and I'm not like that to begin with, you know? It's also clear to me that after smoking weed he started drinking A LOT. He drinks usually 3-5 days a week which I wouldn't mind because I drink too but it has made him forget about football and everything. I play baseball and I can party and drink and it's fine but ever since he started drinking he doesn't want to do anything. Everything is boring which is why he quit football because it was too boring. Sorry for the length of the post but I wanted to explain this as best as I could seeing as I want to help him out. All advice is appreciated and thank you in advance.
Don't worry about the length. In the future when you type out something that long, toss in a few more paragraphs. Sorry about your friend. I sympathise. If he's drinking so much he forgets about everything else he is drinking way too much. You need to sit down with him and talk about a few things. Tell him, A: His drinking is starting to worry you, your his friend and you don't want to see him falling down a bad path. Don't do it so it sounds like your nagging, but he does need to hear it. I have a penchant for drinking too, but I'm sure you can realise the difference between liking drinking and having a problem. B: His father, if this was an isolated one time thing, tell him he needs to confront his dad. It'll probably be pretty hard for him, but it sounds like theres a lot of things he needs to say to his father. Tell him to wait till he's not angry, and talk to his dad about it. If his drinking is related to how he feels about his father, which I would suspect, attacking the root problem is going to help more then anything. C: If it's not an isolated thing, and this is happening often, he needs help. If it's happening often, tell him you're going to child protective services if he doesn't. He'll hoprfully make up the right choice for himself. D: Let your friend know you'll always have his back.
Thanks, Lodui. And this isn't an isolated thing from what I know. It's happend various times and I just feel so bad because my parents have raised me very well I think and I have a lot of respect for them and I just feel terrible that he has to go through this. I have some thinking to do about what I'm going to do about this but thanks a lot.
Listen young friend... so many people in your shoes..people who have friends they care about who have poorly functioning family units and lives. A) You are a good friend and you can only do so much which Lodui gave you sound advice. B) Your friend has lost interest in life (everything is boring to him ) because he has his own substance abuse issues that he should address with the help of a counselor, school counselor is a very reasonable place to start. C) And you remember what Marley said "Herb is the healing of a nation and alcohol it's destruction". Herb is healing if it is used to heal. But It is destructive too if we are using it to avoid our personal grief and pain and fear. Think of the ole saying, Any blessing taken for granted becomes a curse. If one is taking the sacred herb for granted it can turn into a demon also. Maybeyou should suggest that you and your friend take a yoga class. His dad would really flip out on that "girlie yoga stuff" You know WDYKAM, this is probably going to be a valuable lesson for you if you can figure out what the lesson is supposed to be. Peace
WDYKAM - First off, you are one great friend to be so concerned about your buddy. I give you mega atta-boys for that alone. One thing I was hoping you'd add to your letter would be what YOU think you should do. I know you've got some thinking to do, but what are your first instincts? I'm not playing Dr. Freud here (ain't qualified), but I'm here to tell ya, someone elses advice may sound good, but it may not be your style or what you're able to handle. Being there for someone sometimes comes at a high cost in unexpected ways. So I'd like your input first. What do you think, knowing the two of them, that you could do for your friend, if anything? My Dad and I went through your friend's same scenario but for a different reason. Him drunk, me beat up because of something about school he tried to force on me. I ended up leaving home before graduation and the father/son part of life is one I always wish was different. Good luck, my friend!
