What would you do??

So here's the scenario:

At the end of June I moved in with my best friend, along with my fiancee. From the first day that I brought my cat with, my roomie has been a complete bitch about it...
Everyone knows that for most cats it takes a bit for them to adjust to a new environment, and especially another strange adult cat. After a week, my cat was doing really well, and daring to play around the apartment with his little toys and what not, but to this day, he and her cat do not get along.

They are always stalking each other around, hissing and growling and sometimes actually fighting.

I wasn't worried, because they are both declawed.... I wasn't worried until now.

On Saturday my hunny noticed a lump on the base of my cats tail, and he screamed everytime you touched it. I was worried and took him into the vet.

It turns out he had an absess due to a bite...from the other cat. The vet cut it open a bit to drain it of all the pus and grossness, gave me antibiotics to give him and also suggested I sit with a warm damp towel under the affected area to help drain it out. She also suggested to keep the two cats separated until he is healed.

Now, I don't want this to happen again... and just as a general question of opinion, do you think that their little fight may have settled some differences, or is there a good chance they will continue to fight even so?

My roomie is not understanding or nice about it and blames everything on my cat and it's getting on my nerves. My cat hasn't been his usual self, he's been very irritable, and usually he is very sweet, friendly, and pleasant.

I'm worried that my moving into this situation might change his sweet personality, and I don't want that, nor do I want him to be put through any extra added stress more so than the normal stress of moving a cat.

Do you think it would be wise to find a different place quickly to remove him from this situation? Or do you think I could wait it out?

I want to find a place of my own, for the most part, the way it is, but I'm sort of looking to how soon I should go about it...

I can live with a lot of things, but I can't live with feeling as if my cat is being mistreated or that he is unhappy.

 

chances are that they will fight again and that he will get another absess. That means more vet time, money and your poor kitty having to go thru that. In my experiance cats either get on right away or in time come to tolerate each other with the occasional bicker. But if I were you I would get out very soon. If they are being very aggressive with each other that puts both cats in danger of more abrasions and thus more infections. Esp if it's a small apartment and they don't have much room to get away from each other. And since they are both declawed they are more apt to use their teeth to defend themselves. Each cat obviously does not realize that the other is declawed as well but knows that they are and so they will feel the need to bite and be agressive that way...... BITES = ABCESS. That's my opinion.

 

Get out. There's no point in staying in that situation if you can afford to move right now. Your poor li'l bub shouldn't have to feel threatened in his own home.

 

There has to be a dominant and a submissive in any animal family. If neither cat is willing to back down, then either you are going to have to be the dominant creature in the animal family or you will have to move.

My cat has always been dominant.. and sometimes it takes time for that to be worked out amongst the felines. The one time he wasn't dominant (it was with my family's dog) I became dominant over both of them, and they eventually worked it out.

Can you stay at home with them for awhile? To ensure this doesn't happen again? You will know for sure what you will have to do shortly.

 

The vet said that the fact my cat got bit by his rear is a sign that he is the submissive one so I don't know...

I can't stay home from work, but we have been separating the cats before we leave in the morning, my roomie has hers in her room with the litter box, water, and food, and same with my kitty... and when I'm not at work I'm usually home and I keep a close eye so..

But, I do hope to move out soon to ensure his safety and happiness... I took down some numbers last night so hopefully I can get in to look at these places soon.

 

Do they have seperate food dishes and litter boxes? Are they nutered?

A spray from a spray bottle will stop the fights when you see them. I've also heard that tapping a little vanilla behing the ear, or rubbing them down with the same towel will get them to smell similar to eachother and has helped to stop the fighting. Time is the last thing I suggest, it hasn't been too long since they've been introduced. It sometimes takes time for them to sort things out. They could be best buds before you know it.

I have two cats that were raised from kittens together, and even they get into fights sometimes. Not everyone get's along all the time, but they probably fight less than my husband and I do!

And tell your roomie that blaming eachother's animals is an immature way of handling this.

 

I'm sorry, I've only dealt with testosterone fights in guinea pigs. For what it's worth, this is what helped us though...

We got rid of every single toy, all bedding, etc... anything that might have a "yours" and "mine" smell associated with it. All food dishes & bottles were sterilized too, so everyone started out in neutral ground. Each boy has their own water bottle & food dish, so even if a fight arises nobody will go hungry. First encounters were on neutral ground, and included a mountain of their favorite treat. And we didn't leave them alone together until we were certain that the immediate "ruffled feathers" wouldn't turn into something worse.

Now I do have one boy who cannot be housed with the other two. Sometimes it happens... you'll just get one guy who can't "play nice" with the others. Unfortunately the only thing I've found is total physical separation. It doesn't seem fair, but if that's what it takes to keep a pet happy, then that's what's gotta happen. ((((((hugs!!!))))))
love,
mom

 

They each have their own dishes and litterboxes and in separate areas of the apartment.... my cats dishes are in his room, and his litter box is out near the living room--the other cat has her bowls in my roomies room, and her litterbox in her walk through closet.

I originally had his food dishes out by hers by the dining area, for the first couple days, but he refused to eat that close to her stuff, so I put them in our room and problem solved.
I had his litter box next to hers as well, and he was fine with it for a bit, but then began to rebel and started leaving surprises on the floor, so I moved it to where he was pooping, and now he uses the litter box just fine, as well.

My cat is neutered and her cat is spayed; My cat typically doesn't seem to like male cats, but her cat is female, so it kind of surprised me. He usually is just fine with any female cat.

I have explained to my roomie that its immature, and that it irritates me, and for a few days she put an end to it, and started right back up again.

After this happened, and she made a comment again, I kind of snapped on her, and she seemed to back down at first, but she still hasn't been nice.

Sometimes I think she thinks that cats are humans or something.
She will sit there and explain things to my cat as if he understands english, like, "Smokey, don't stare at her, that will just make her mad"

*laughs* And no matter how many times I tell her that doesn't work, and that it's absurd, she doesn't get it.

And, also, the spray bottle idea is actually along the lines of what I was thinking too--- I used the water bottle method when he was a kitten and nipping a lot--- he stopped after squirting him anytime he did. It worked well.

 

Oh and just to clarify her cat IS female, and my cat is male---so its not a testoterone thing---
weirdly enough her boyfriend brings over his male cat a lot, and my cat doesn't seem to react all that much to his male cat.

I can't understand it...

 

Cats tend to get abscesses easily for whatever reason when they get puncture wounds. I agree that it is likey it could happen again, however I also feel that it's pretty early on to give up all hope

This article has some good advice:
http://www.littlebigcat.com/index.php?action=library&act=show&item=cattocatintroductions

You could also look into Feliway a pheromone that can help reduce stress.

 

The entire situation is complicated and goes beyond the cats so I'm utterly confused.

My fiancee wants to move out ASAP, because my roomie is ridiculous and unreasonable, which she is, but none the less she IS my friend, and I don't know how comfortable I feel with leaving her to pay all the rent by herself--- It would have worked, when her and her man were planning on moving in with each other, but now they are in some weird argument, so I don't even know what's going to happen with that, and I would feel TERRIBLE, leaving her there by herself, even though I know I should also consider myself, and what's best for us.

I dont mind giving the cats, a chance to work out their "differences"---there is more hope for them, than for the humans in the apartment, lol...

And what bothers me most is the tension in the house has seemed to put stress on the cats--- My roomie has a tendency of taking out all her stress on those around her, including the cat.... if she's stressed, she starts screaming at my cat for really petty reasons and what not, and it irritates me, because for one, she acts as if I cannot handle my own cat,and two, she is so up and down that my cat doesn't know how to react to her half of the time---- She will scream at him, and then later try to pick him up and cuddle with him, and naturally, he gets irritated and starts squirming away from her--- And then she wonders why he doesn't want to be around her.

I really didn't think that having my cat there would be such a huge deal, but she makes such an unreasonably big deal out of it. We did agree, before moving in, that he could live there with us, so it's not an issue with that.

Certain ocurrences like this really get under my skin: When we first got our new entertainment stand, her cat loved to crawl in the bottom shelf and lay there. And she let her---no big deal---when my cat did she screamed at him, and shoved him away. If the cats fight, she never disciplines her cat, but rather goes after mine, and it irritates me that he is being singled out and being put under so much stress.

Not to mention her and her boyfriend seem to think its funny to scare him--- I have this ab roller in the living room, and if you pick it up and shake it, it makes this odd rattling sound, and my cat is terrified of it, and those two will shake it just for fun because they think its "funny" to see him take off, scared.

My roomie will rile him up by agressively scratching him and patting him---and when I say agressively I mean it---of course, he gets irritated and he usually starts to meow loudly and complain or he snips at her--- then she gets mad and starts yelling at him. I have told her countless times, that if she does something to wind him up, that its not right for her to scream at him when he gets pissed.

She doesn't listen.

Her cat has bitten my fiancee a few times, and when I told her, she laughed hysterically--- if my cat so much as looks like he is going to bite, she freaks out and gives me shit endlessly for how dumb my cat is.

Since we have had to separate the two cats during this time, she seems to feel that my cat should be the only one to be alienated...when I'm not there, and she's there and is getting ready to leave she puts the litter box in my room and locks my cat in there while her cat is free to roam. I don't feel like it's a fair deal to alienate one cat.

The other day, when my cat came back from the vet he was irritable. Well, I would be too--- but she just couldn't leave him alone. She kept having to pick him up and do the agressive scratching again, and if he walked away or screamed at her, she sat there talking to him angrily like a human "NO. I DO WHAT I WANT CAT...IF YOU DONT LIKE IT TOUGH SHIT" etc....

NORMALLY, something like CATS would not be such a fuckign reason to argue over, but she is really really irritating me with how shes handling it, and no matter how many times I tell her to stop, she just doesn't. She gets some sort of pleasure out of pissing me off about it.

EDIT TO SAY: Aside from screaming at my cat for dumb shit, she treats her cat like she's queen, and gets mad at my hunny and I if she feels we aren't being "nice" to her cat--- which we never are mean to her cat---she gets mad when my hun wants to sit in the glider chair and puts her cat on the floor to sit on it... she will say, "DONT MOVE MY CAT!!!" and start screaming at my boyfriend---- what the fuck?!

 

This girl sounds childish and disrespectful. Screaming at cats? That's wrong. If someone screamed at or tried to scare my cat because they thought it was funny I would punch them (ok maybe not but have some serious words with them). This girl is not your problem. It sounds like she is creating a very stressful enviorment and when you live with other people you need to go out of your way to be respectful and compromise. If I were you I would leave ASAP. It's not because you want to leave her "high and dry"....but you ultimatley have to do what is best for you and your family (the cat is included in the "family" part). SHE is the one that is making the living situation difficult whether she sees it or not and likely if you told her straight up she would not understand, in my opinon. If I were you I would give her ample notice of your plans to leave so she has time to make plans with a possible other roomate or whatever and then when it's that time.....GO. This doesn't mean that you aren't a good friend and if she sees it that way the she IS unreasonable an what kind of friend is that anyway? Get out. That's my opinon. Best of luck.

 

Thanks elle, that was reassuring, and I know it to be true... I just sometimes, let my sympathy get in the way of things.

I think I'm going to sit down with her [after this weekend, because my birthday is this weekend, and I do not feel like enduring drama during my birthday, LOL] and tell her my options, and that, if things do not change now, and stay changed, I'm out.

I tried to talk to her a few weeks ago, but I don't think we discussed things thorougly enough. I am not sure I made myself clear how serious I was about it, so I will give her one more chance to grasp my frustration, and if she still can't, then it's not going to work.

 

any update? and i hope your birthday was good

(yay! my 100th post!!!!!)

 

first of all Lady Fi---is that you in your sig picture? because .... either that is Shirley Manson, or you look JUST LIKE HER.

secondly, I don't know... I kind of what to get out of there but now my fiancee wants to stay put so I feel more confused than before.

I brought my cat to my dads last night, and my fiancee and I slept over there because the house is sold and he will be out of there soon and I wanted to stay in my beloved house one more time before it was gone---but I think my cat thinks we're staying...he seems just a tad too comfortable.

Uh oh...

 

I must be crazy, I always talk to my animals as if they can understand me. Sometimes I think they can. But blaming one animal over another is a bit immature.

My male and female cats cannot seem to get along. I just don't leave them alone together ever. and if they start fighting usually a sharp word from me or hubby stops it. Funny thing is that sometimes they do just fine and othertimes they seem to argue nonstop. Mostly it is the female, because she had some hard times before we got her, I use catnip to reduce stress, I will look into feliway.
Also are there plenty of toys and stimulation for the cats? Cats need to expend energy and if they can't do it one way they will look for another outlet.

 

It is one thing to talk to your animals and another thing totally to expect any behavior changes from talking to them.

 

Right, I believe that talking to your animals is a good thing and helps for them to feel more comfortable in their environment and as part of the family--- but, yeah, to expect that they are going to understand when you're explaining something is absurd.

 

The cats are fucking SPOILED with toys.... they have millions. And sometimes they can coexist, but the second we leave the room, I hear all sorts of hissing and fighting.

They must know its wrong, because they won't do it around us, and they do listen when we tell them "NO" and what not- but...its when we're out of their sight that it's a problem. We keep them separated while we're all at work, but when we're home, and just walking around the house, its still a problem.

The female cat is also our problem, but its more or less I think because she feels like the dominant cat, and she was there for a year before my cat was ....so I think she's not digging this whole "newcomer" thing.

 

Sounds tough. I hope you can work it out, it sounds like maybe there is a friendship at stake here too? The best advice I got was that cats are cats and they won't change. You are doing everything you can do. Sending good energy your way, I hope you can work it out or find another place.

Oh, and I do think that I get behavoir changes from my animals just by talking to them. Not at first but if you do it long enough they start to pay attention!