My Daughter had Sex at Camp.

So my daughter is 17 and is in Camp.
I got a call at 1 AM that she is being kicked out of Camp since she was caught with a young man in a unsupervised area having sex.
So my reaction was laughing at the camp counselor and saying well I know her Mom and I gave her Condoms and that she is sexually active and she is also been educated on safe sexual practices in the world we now live in.
So my ex and I have brought up all three of our kids in a free environment and do not think it's such a big thing.
What are your views?
I'm sure they will all vary and I'm putting this up here since I think it might be good to talk about an issue that is pretty important in these times.
My own personal opinion is I don't have a hard time with it and think sex is a natural act that we grow yes into to.
As far as age yes she is 17 and is a minor but how many of us have had sex before we were 18?
So let's hear your thoughts and stay on topic!

 

Much props to you for educating your daughter in practicing responsible sex...and for being so open minded.. personally from my own experience, I know that I was not prepared for sex at that age, but I'm not your daughter and i dont know her level of maturity... that aside i think that its great that you provided her with birth control..and stressed its importance in days of sexual recklessness among our youth... too many have learned the hard way, the consequenses of unplanned pregnancy and/or STD's. Also props to your daughter for playing safe!

 

Yeah, what she said. It's just too bad your daughter was caught. I bet the counselor was just feeling envious cuz he/she didn't get some.

 

Makes me wonder, if she was caught masturbating, would they have done the same thing? what is it about exploring our bodies, or exploring someone elses that makes for an unsafe camping environment?

 

I think it's great that you didn't overreact about the situation. I know my mom nearly had a heartattack when she found out I was having sex. (She didn't find out from me, mainly because she didn't raise me in a 'free' environment like you have your children).
It's wonderful that you educated her and that she's following what you've taught her. Better she learn from you than not at all.
Most parents can't deal with their kids being sexually active. Kudos for dealing with it lightly. It means you know that you've taught her right and trust her to make the right choices.
And, the age thing isn't a big deal. As you've said....many of us have had underrage sex.
I think you sound like an easy going set of parents and if more were like you, teens wouldn't have such a hard time with sex and birth control issues.

 

Thats a good point and one I never thought about....I know some right winged, dumb ass parents who would pull that...

 

I don't think the camp did anything wrong. If you're going to have underage sex at camp, don't get caught.

 

Well, as long as the sex was connsensual and of like aged people, I don't think it was an egregious thing.

However, I having worked at a camp, I understand their point of view. Most camps won't use alcohol on a cut for fear of being sued. Anyway, I'd talk to your child in a way that showed concern for her being healthy, respectful, and responsible(which sounds like the case). Other than that, i think kicking her ot is a little extreme but I also understand where the camp is oming from.

peace

PS. maybe part of the conversation about a free envronment couldd include what are appropriate circumstances to engage in sexuality meaning that sex is acceptable but must be done in certain venues and with discretion. I'm sure the camp laid out some guidelines about this sort of thing and she ignored them.

 

I lost my virginity at a fairly young age. I was also raised in a pretty religious family. My father passed away when I was 9 and my mom was too scared to ever talk about sex with me. The most I ever got out of her was when she found condoms in my room when I was 14. She said "you don't do that until you're married!" Great advice mom.
Anyway, you have done very much the right thing in educating you daughter on safe sex practices. However, I think she needs to learn a little more about being discreet. She did nothing wrong but get caught!

 

I wasn't ever aware there are 'sex places' and 'non-sex places'. That kinda ruins the free environment, don't you think? You kinda make sex sound dirty and like it should be done in the privacy of a bedroom only. How terribly old fashioned. Sex is a perfectly natural and wonderful thing....why be so suburban about it?
The last camp I went to had absolutely NO mention of 'Don't have sex here or you'll be kicked out'. Camp is camp....I guess if they failed to leave 'No sex' out of the rules, it's their fault.

 

who hasnt had sex at camp..

I went to summer camp 5 years in a row.

 

I think its dumb they're sending her home... Why can't you have sex in these days freely? Even I had sex.. And I told my parents about it and they did'nt complain about it .. cause they were wondering how did I think about sex... just let the people in these days free men..

 

Thanks folks. She has been home and I took her out to Dinner and then we had a long talk about it.
She was pissed that the camp would not even let her give her point of view on it all. The camp was more upset that they were having sex in a UNSUPERVISED AREA. So I had asked the camp well if they were in a SUPERVISED AREA would it have been ok? LOL There as just this long pause and she changed the subject. What pissed me off was they demanded that we come pick her up. I told them her Mom was 6 hours away and I do not drive anymore out of choice and if they were so upset they can drive my daughter home to Woodstock which is a hour from the camp. So they hired a car service at $150.00 and told me they were billing me for it which I told them I have no intentions of paying.
But all in all it all went Ok and my daughter is enjoying the rest of her summer and I did not give her the third degree or even ask her about the guy involved. All I wanted to know was if she was Ok and happy.
The suing if she got pregnant wouldn't be anything since she exercises birth control via condoms. We live in Woodstock and it is as other places filled with people who have STD's. A good friend of mine last year at 19 ended up with Herpes from a ass hole who knew he had it but did not tell her. So anyone here be it old or young uses Condoms. We have a place called Woodstock Family which came about in 69 after the festival left so many Hippies here stranded without food or money. So it is still cranking along and they give out free condoms to kids-clothes-food and help for runaways. We get tons of runaways from all over here who end up homeless and living on The Green.
Also, there are tons of single parents here and we all watch over each others kids and look out for them.
Thanks again for all your responses. Peace The Wiz

 

I think you misunderstood my point. What I was getting at is that there are times that it is perfectly fine to engage in sex, but that it isnn't a free for all. I've worked at camps for five years, and each one has laid out guidelines to proper contact. IMHO, if you're at a camp and they say "don't do XYZ," it is only respectful to do so. IF you disagree, go elsewhere. It would be the same if someone let me stay at their house and asked me not to engage in sex. I would just go have it on the beach.

Its not about being suburban, its about being respectful. Sex on a quiet beach is perfectly OK. On the public beach where parents can reasonably be expected to bring children is not.

Just my 2 cents

Peace

 

I live in Britain where anyone over 16 can have sex. I find this age acceptable. I cant see how anyone could take issue with a 17 year old (obviously a mature, aware and thoughtful one-using condoms) having sex.

As for it being wrong to do so in camp...Bah, they werent hurting anyone! The girls aware...it sounds like youve done a GREAT job teaching her about these things, being open and letting her know she can come to you to talk

Xx

 

You know, it would be a lot easier for everyone if the counselor or whoever had just accepted it. People have sex. Sometimes it happens to be at your summer camp. Deal.

And as for the whole car fare thing, that's bullshit. They shouldn't send her home for having sex. That's like sending a kid home because they started a food fight or something. It's ridiculous.

I praise your methods of raising your daughter though. Letting her know that it's okay to have sex is the best way to open yourself up for conversation and any questions she may have. I wish my parents were that okay with sex.

 

LOL true!

 

For many years I have enjoyed "The Prophet" and have always told my kids if you could only have ONE BOOK to keep on a island or in space this would be it. It covers so many things and he has a great way of answering many questions on life.
I thought I would share this with you all since it has been a big infulenece on how I have raised all three of my kids who are all older now and off on their roads in life.
I have two sons one is 27 and the other is 19. I don't hear from that much but know it's becasue they are busy with their own lives and I let the arrows fly awhile ago. My daughter is off to college next year and then i'm pretty much just here for a hey Dad how is your life going email? But that's kool-it's what being a parent is about. Not trying to CONTROL them.

On Children

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children."

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

 

I love that book! So much wisdom...