i guess i wanted to write this to vent a little bit, I never vent, so im thinking before i combust, i probably should. My love life in the beginning of my teen years, i should have known from the start was going to fuck me up for the rest of my life. when i was 13 i met a diy kid named Jon who was trainhopper who hailed from seattle.we hit it off pretty well and he stayed at my house for a few weeks and did everything together. when he went back to seattle a few weeks later, i called him and we were talking and he kinda flipped out. i didnt hear from him for like ..4 days which was awkward for us because we talked every day. I called his mom who lived in tacoma and asked if she knew why he wasnt talking to me, she called me a little **** and told me that she was going to slit my throat.. I had no idea what the hell that was about, she said everything was my fault. i handed the phone off to my mom and she told my mom that jon had committed suicide . thats still hard to type without beginning to cry. after 6 years i still sometimes think about it really being my fault. i tried the whole therapy thing for it, but i couldnt stand just having someone sit there and write down little notes , probably not even about what i was talking about. after the suicide things went pretty downhill, i told my best friend at the time and she told everyone not to talk to me because i might drive them to suicide. i found myself drinking and selling lsd, when i was 15 i got sent to a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center, from there it took me 6 months to complete the program. i consider that the end of my first relationship ever. sorry for going on and on, i just never talk about it, so i figured maybe if i did i'd feel better.. talk to you later. -slaughter.
I'm sorry for your loss and that your first experience ended the way it did. Life is a hard place but there are many things that will make the trip worth while. This will not be your only sad experience and there will be things that will happen that will make this seem small later on. First off your not responsible for anyone else's feelings and emotions but your own. You were hardly the reason your friend ended his life. For anyone to put that guilt on you is very cruel. Yourself included! So focus on the good things in life now and enjoy the sunny days for when later on it will rain. Nothing anyone can say or do will bring back your friend and also make it hurt any less. It also sounds like you have other stuff going on besides this experience with your friend. We all have our stuff that we deal with and the thing to remember is you can have your heart broken but it can also open it at the same time. I wish you Love-Light-Peace and Healing. The Wiz
I hope you're feeling even just a little better. You've carried this burden for so long, I think it's good that you decided to talk about it after all these years. My heart goes out to you. Peace.
