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the asshole.

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by AcousticPeace, Aug 5, 2006.

  1. AcousticPeace

    AcousticPeace Member

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    calm and cool air fills the room,

    with the dissapearance of his face.
    round figures reflect specs of light,
    moving at a very distant pace.

    capturing him is not easy to do,
    lock him away before he locks you.
    one trick to this minind fellow,
    is to teach him how to lose.
     
    AcousticPeace, Aug 5, 2006
    #1
  3. pagansrule!

    pagansrule! Member

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    I think its an intersting poem, but the seperation of the first line from the others sort of threw me off. I understand the second stanza in relation to the title, but the first is more image based and a little disconnected. Don't get me wrong I think you write well, but a sense of anger or resentment doesn't seem to be displayed. Overall, the poem was good and I urge you to keep it up!
     
    pagansrule!, Aug 6, 2006
    #2
  5. AcousticPeace

    AcousticPeace Member

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    yeah the first line wasnt supposed to be separated... i dont know it just kinda showed up like that after i posted it. sry
     
    AcousticPeace, Aug 6, 2006
    #3
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