Lets all together tell a story

and inside she met a pirate who was swallowed by the whale when his pirate ship sank...

 

and then the whale exploded into a million pieces...

 

and all the pieces of the whale became pieces of gold and silver. There was Sallys fortune, scattered about the sea floor. Oh and by the way; the explosion from the whale created a seismic shock that created a massive tidal wave. The wave completely wiped out the entire Middle East, except for Israel which remarkable survived the destruction because they are not part of some medevil cult called Islam. To boot, Israel got some really nice ocean from property. The force of the tsumnami was such that is broke the cell door of Sadam Husein, freeing him to bring havic and falafels to the world once more. So Sally gets fucked by Tom Hanks, and the story continues.

My appologies to arabs around the world. Now clean that rag on your head and shave for Christ sake.

 

So Sally goes to Israel and becomes a jew. Suits her fine. So she waits for the Messiah to come.
One days she's watching Seinfeld on the box and there's a knock on the door. A nice looking man says "Hi, I'm the Messiah..."
"Do come in" says Sally.
She goes into the kitchen to make a cup of tea...

 

When the tea is done Sally pours a cup for herself and one for the messiah. Sally asks if he would like a buttered scone, and he says that would be just fine. Sally hands the messiah a plate with a buttered scone, and they both begin to chat and drink tea.

 

Haha..."So Sally, I've been meaning..." *choke coke*. The Messiah starts to choke on the buttered scone. Sally panics and starts running around the house in a fluster. She gets a glass of water but its comes out green. She tries to pat the Messiah on the back but her arms turn into wings. At the corner of her eye she sees a strange looking figure by the curtains staring at her...

 

Sally doesn't know what to do. She drinks the glass of green water hastily, and flys around the room chanting, "symetry in motion, symetry in motion", over and over again. The strange figure moves.

 

then sally takes a trip to africa ....she is part of a safari and wears a pith helmet so panthers falling out of trees on her don't mess her hair up.....she gets lost picking jungle jasmine flowers and sulks for a while.......then she comes to a deserted Ubangi village where a savage looking bone in the nose pink pig person is hiding in one of teh straw huts looking at her. She doesn't sense him gazing at her from the hut cuz she is from America where pigs stare at you. He then jumps out and says ooga booga......she doesn't move.......he grunts how come you don't run away like all the black natives???? She says cuz she isn't afraid of pigs cuz she's seen the muppet show.........and then.......

 

The pig starts pissing himself laughing and says "Jesus woman, you're dumb!" and shows his gigantic fangs. He is drooling at the mouth. Sally gets frightened and backs up against a mud hut while he moves towards her. Then a little green mouse crawls across the ground. The pig lets out a loud screech and gallops away into the bushes squealing like a...pig...

 

Sally decides to go on a quest for a sacred African spiritual plant that grows on Mount Kilimanjaros southern slope. It is called solis, and is said to have in it the power of the sun. It can only be harvested by the light of the full moon. The legend has it that there are three tests that have to be passed in order to reach the sacred temple at the base of kilimanjaro. Failure to pass any of the tests results in death to the seeker. The enlightenment to be had from this potent halucinagen is said to be so great that 70 kings of the mightiest kingdoms in Aftrica have perished in their quest for solis. Sally lights up a fatty and hits the trail.

 

So she's walking along with a walking stick she made from a branch, smoking away, minding her own business when this really dark skinned man jumps out from behind a bush and screams. Sally gets a bit of a fright and thinks "Right, fair enough", until she sees that a large warthog is chasing him and the bad part is that he's running in her direction! "Holy shit!" and she starts to run, throwing away her spliff and getting all in a panic, tripping on her own steps and the like. Never the less, Sally had always been able to run at a great speed. She is a good bit ahead of the warthog and the man when she trips on a tree stump. It send her flying and she lands face down in a pile of mud. She reckons she's lost the others so she lies there for a while. When she lifts her head she sees a pair of shoes. Brown comfortable looking ones. She feels like an idiot and reluctantly she looks up to be faced by a wise looking old man, smoking a large pipe. "Come, you look like you've had a bad day. You can take some rest in my house. My wife will be glad to see a young girl."

 

Along the way they see a crashed UFO up on the top of an African tundra hill. There are 8 aliens waving and smiling at them from the crashed spacecraft. There is a male lion laying about half way up the hill, so Sally and the wise ole man wave back and go on their merry way. They figured the aliens were happy enough and can figure out their own problems..........

 

"Sally, you've probably been seeing many extraordinary things lately. Things you hadn't seen before. You have entered a vortex. You may not be mad about it now but once you find what you're seeking you will enjoy this place." said the old man, fiddling with his grey beard. Sally wondered how the old man knew her name but didn't make anything of it, after all, that was quite normal compared to the things she's encountered on her recent travels. "Like, I dunno, maybe you think I'm talking bollocks."
"No, no. I understand. I have been feeling rather strange lately and it's very kind of you to offer a bed. I really could do with a bit of rest. Being chased by strange animals and what have you, it get's quite tiring." Sally reassuringly replied.
"Anyway. Less of the serious talk for now. My wife makes a great stew. You' like that Sally wouldn't you?" said old man.
"Oh yes I havn't eaten properly in days".
The old man has a strange smile on his face and says "My wife is going to dote over you, young girl."

 

Unbeknownwst to the wise ole man, he is about to cause a kitten to kill a retard..........that's why the strange smile...........

 

End of Chapter 1

 

The Beatles said "all you need is love" and then they broke up!

 

Everybody do they own thing

 

Dick an Jane wondered what happened to Sally.

 

A ship in the shape of....well it is more a mish mash or salvage and junk....came into port. The ship came by and Sally got on, that's where it all began. Sailors washed the decks of poop and piled canary droppings on the new tile. The floor got a wax job and joggers lumbered up the escalators to the bridge where they grow their own pot in bowls and smoke the stems carefully watching for seeds to plant in the grey twighlight of dim... Brothers and sisters carefully tie the boxes with string and grumble about the poor people on the plaster ceilings with Lucifer and the undretoe rushing the bull and plying the carefully drawn gnats on the where for. Sally Sally what became of the baby. All grown and simple, and free is she. A story book character blossoms and sings the song song of the long ago tide.

 

Sally starts to smoke from her pipe and watches the waves bob up and down when she feels a hand on her shoulder...