my best mate who i see evryday at college suddenly decided that the day before going off to Uganda for a month would tell me how he felt about me.. some of the things he said were really strong like "i would leave the course for you, your more important than anything else in my life." he said so much, but the thing is i only see him as a friend (almost like a brother) and now when i see him next theres going to be a lingering awkwardness, hes such a lovely guy, but im not attracted to him, i keep kicking myself cus hes so nice! i dont know what to do... how can i make the awkwardness go away!!??
Have you told him yet that you're only interested in him as a friend, or did you let him go off to Uganda hoping that you would be more than friends when he comes home? I've learned the hard way, it's best to just be open and honest -- it may hurt now, but not as much as it would hurt later. Of course, focus on reasons other than physical attraction, because, well, that could just feed into any insecurities he may have. Focus on the fact that he feels like a brother. If you don't tell him honestly how you feel, he is likely to hold out hope for more. I've had the experience of telling a guy "I'm just not ready for a relationship now"... Which then would have caused tension/awkwardness if he knew I had started dating someone else... Instead, it led to him showing up unannounced on Valentines Day, probably 6 months to just under a year after I had told him I wasn't ready for a relationship (he gave me time), with flowers and whatnot, asking me to be his Valentine... Awkward!!! Almost everyone I know has had that experience of wishing they could like someone -- s/he is so nice, smart, etc., but the spark is just not there. Don't try to convince yourself that you could like this guy like that... I've had friends who did that -- either the guy/girl was so awesome or the friend had been single for so long that s/he settled for someone who is "nice enough" -- and every time, it has turned out badly.
i told him that i wasnt interested like that... and he said "well you have time to think it over"..and he said he wasnted to meet up before we went back to college "to clear the air". it's going to be so awkward though because i wont see him in tha same way, i wont be able to be as open with him and stuff . Hes also said he wont getover it and that he will always like me in that way, which to be honest creeps me out really bad!! ive started thinking that i could make myself like him... but i think your right, becuase the spark really wouldnt be there, and it would ruin the friendship aswell! i just dont know how to make the awkwardness go away though!!? soso awkward.
tell him that you only wanna be friends , no sex , cause you won a love slave in a card game ....ill put a collar on and stay in an extra latge dog box like the ones at the pet store .....tell him that your 'slave' will give you oral pleasure when you want it 24/7 and you can verbaly insult n humiliate him at will . he wont want that job description on his resume .....
I wouldn't worry about it he will most likely meet someone who wants to be more then a friend while he is away from you. Then you don't have to worry about it anymore.
yea but im still willing to do the dog cage thing .....might be overkill but he wont be wantin in on it .....hey ill even poop on the lawn .....!!
Don't you hate it when guys say that kind of thing? *sigh* He's wrong. He WILL get over it, or if not, he WILL find someone new. That's just how it works. Do NOT give in to pressure, though. I did once and it was a HUGE mistake. This may end your friendship ... hope it doesn't, but you can't help what you feel and shouldn't try to force it.
He is wrong 'cause he will eventually get over you so don't worry about him saying that. I really have no advice regarding how to make the awkwardness go away, except to give it time and don't hang out as much as you used to when he gets back. Good on you for being honest and here's hoping you can still be friends. Peace
So, for all the talk about "oh, he'll get over it"... Been there, thought that too. Sure, he'll EVENTUALLY get over it, but will that happen in time to save the friendship? I've had experiences in which I told a guy that I wasn't interested in him that way, but he continued to act as though he still liked me, as though, if he's nice enough, I'll eventually fall for him. It was pretty creepy and before long it ruined the friendship. Hopefully, once he gets back, he will be over it. But, if he isn't, I would suggest asking him how much you mean to him -- does he really care that little for your friendship? Would he prefer to make you avoid him (to avoid the uncomfortable awkwardness), thereby throwing away the friendship if he can't fuck you? How much love does that show? You have told him how you feel -- a true friend would accept and respect that, not pressure you for more. And, before anyone gets upset that I'm overreacting or trying to twist a nice guy into an asshole, the point is to take the extreme opposite position from his. He's focusing on how much he wants her, and is attempting to get her to want the same thing. He has told her how he feels, and she told him she didn't feel the same, so if he continues to press the issue, he's pressuring her to do something she's not interested in doing. He's crossed the line into no longer taking her feelings into consideration. Not out of malice, but because of his personal focus. So, I'm assuming he's a nice guy who will back off when he hears his actions reinterpreted as so disrespectful. Hopefully, by making it clear that you are not interested, and by pointing out a different view of the situation, you will get him to realize that he does care about your friendship, even as nothing more than friends, and get things back as close as possible to normal.
your completely right.. i think he will back off, or he wont have any choice to!!! i wouldnt wanna wreck the friendship for anything, were so close and work together perfectly at college, im sure he wouldnt but this at more risk than he has already He will see sence... and maybe will have matured abit more when he gets back from uganda! i might well have found someone by the time he gets back which will make him see sence (although im not gonna rush out and find someone jus for the sake of it) thankyou all so much for the advice!! love xxx
