I'm thinking of reorganizing this piece, but this is what I've written so far... I wander past the bygone scenes of tenderness. How I wish I did not know. Lonesome child, stares at the World Conflagration, seeing, but not grasping. He drifts past the T.V., reaching for a snack, avoiding the whirlpool of Hells that others have created. The child is Buddha, taking but not consuming, hearing but not interpreting. For once, it was fine not to understand. Only when we did not know the Dharma, did we master it. I continue on my self imposed path, longing. I am not sorry for my sorrow. How I wish I did not know.
I like some of these lines, but it seems a bit overly vague, so as to leave the reader perplexed as to what's even being said. You seem to drift from one thing to another with nothing to really hold it together. Which isn't to say it's totally confusing; I think I get it, but maybe you could be a little clearer I think you have something here, lots of potential, but it could use some refinement. And if you do refine it, post the rewrite! I think this could be one of your best so far, with a bit of, as you say, reorganization.
