its not complete but here it is ... ill sit on a tree and wonder where ull be in the next 20 years drinking some beers and we will be o so happy and i know i really sounds sappy but i love you baby yes i do my little snuggly poo ooo yeah baby now how do u do that crazy thing when u shake ur hips and u start to sing it makes me feel so much better and i dont think that i need to drink anymore, so maybe ill quit for you
No, but practice. Do not take this criticism negatively... I am guessing that you are very young... and it is good that you are trying to write lyrics of your own already. Read some good literature, actually listen to what good song writers have to say... and then you will eventually learn how to write good lyrics.
fair play, i agree with BraveSirRubin. everybody has to start somewhere in whatever it is they chose to do. in your case it's writing lyrics - you've already kinda got into the swing of getting words to rhyme and fit to tell kind of a story. you just need to practice and elaborate on the point you're trying to get across in the song. spend more time on the message you want to convey.
Personally I'm not keen on those lyrics 'cause I think they lack depth, but like the others said, don't take this criticism negatively as though you'll never be able to or all of what you write is crap etc, just practice, read loads of other lyrics from some of the bands you like etc and see how rhyme is employed and metaphores are used etc. Keep writing and good luck to ya
"my little snuggly poo"?:H Um, I can't really judge it unless I hear you sing it. Really sappy lyrics though. I don't know, maybe you can pull this one off with the right melody...just maybe. Sorry I'm not too positive.
