I don't care if you're male or female. You can answer this. Let's say you have a S/O but you have a flirty streak that has you meeting other people when you go out alone,or at work or wherever. You may landed a phone # or two or an email address or even met someone online that you flirt with or even gone as far as talking dirty to them. Let's say it goes overboard & you sleep with someone. You with hold all info from your S/O because maybe it was one time only or it's only harmless fun you're having (or so you think). Now let's say you go through your S/O's phone call or message log or maybe even his/her email & find that she's having conversations of the same nature as you were. You can't be sure if he/she has slept with this stranger but certain signs pioint to it. Maybe he/she was just flirting,having a little harmless fun.... Do you,even though with your own misdeeds,still bring it up & confront them about what you found & say maybe you had reason to suspect something? Even though you have or were doing the same thing? Or do you sit back,say nothing & think to yourself "Karma's a bitch,I'm getting what I deserve" & let it happen as your own personal payback? I'm interested in hearing varied opinions,answers & takes on this. Thanks
I wouldn't think karma was a bitch and I was getting what I deserved ... I would feel better about my own "straying"! And I might decide to bring up the subject of open relationships ... so we could both do what we wanted, without feeling guilty!
Well if open relationships were COMPLETELY out of the question ... (since that was my first reaction, to appeal to an open relationship, lol) ... I'd have to say, you confront them about it and admit to doing it and decide what to do from there: stay together, break apart, or have an open relationship. The nice thing about real life is that options like an open relationship are never completely out of the question.
If open relationships are completely out of the question ... then one or both sides are being hypocritical (since both are fooling around anyway) -- and something needs to change.
guess it depends on how you really feel about her. If you are jealous then you a/ you shouldnt have looked in the first place and b) you should have considered how it would feel if the boot was on the other foot when you were "harmlessly flirting". You never know you might actually enjoy an open relationship - I have a semi-open relationship which I love. I get to play around (within reason), as long as I ask permission first and tell him exactly what happened afterwards. He doesnt play around and I wouldnt want him to. It would never have happened unless we had talked so I guess what I'm saying is talk to her. You never know where it might lead, although I would be careful about saying you went through her things as she will probably kill you
Yeah, I agree, it's sort of a double standard. If this is both okay with you, and this is what you want to do, why not have an open relationship, and not be exclusive? You cannot expect your partner to be faithful if you aren't yourself, it IS hypocritical. And if you want to end your ways, and be exclusive, then you have to talk with them and work it out, and find some common ground on what you both want/need. It sounds to me like neither of you are ready for an exclusive relationship though. Or maybe just some time apart would help.
To premise the rest of my answer, I'll state right up front -- if I did this, I would blow my fucking brains out. Cheating is one of the most dispicable things a person can do to someone they claim to care about. Sex has nothing to do with it -- it is the absolute destruction of trust, of the very foundation of the relationship. I think the open relationship idea is stupid. I'm not saying open relationships are stupid. I'm saying that, from everyone I've known who has had a successful open relationship, I'm under the impression that trust is key. You've already destroyed any trust that may have existed. So has your partner. An open relationship will only delay the inevitable. If you wanted to have an open relationship, you should have established the agreement BEFORE fooling around with anyone else. It sounds like neither of you truly want to be commited to the other. Whether it is a matter of not being ready to be serious or just a matter of not being right for one another, I wouldn't know. But, yeah, confront your partner. I wouldn't be surprised if they are on to you, and are trying to get your attention and see how you'll react to the same sort of behavior. See just how much of a hypocrite you are.
Funny, that was my first thought. Okay, flirting is fine, getting #'s and emails is not (unless you intend to share the info with your S/O) The general rule for flirting is "how would I feel if my S/O was doing this" As for "flirting and going overboard" a better term is "I had an affair" or "I cheated" never try to sugar coat things with a friendlier version, call it what it is. I see "flirting and going overboard" as a kiss, or getting a #.....but then my body parts would stop thinking for me and I would remember who I love, and feel guilty. If I screwed someone I damn well meant to do it and dont feel guilty. The best policy is honesty, and if you think confronting the S/O is a good idea, well then go for it.....BUT be ready to admit what you did. Don't even bother if you can't * I say you because I am too tired to figure out which person to write it in.....but here is the summary...."subject A should refrain from speaking to subject B until subject A can be honest" Never ask for an opinion, ya might get one
LOL In ALL relationships we are just mirrors of the Other person. What happens on one side will ALWAYS happen on the other. So when YOU went out and had what you call HARMLESS fun what you should have thought of is how you will feel when she does EXACTLY what you did on your side. So it always makes me laugh when you see or hear this and it is so common. I have been in many relationships where my partner wanted me to be Monogamous but has an entire set of rules for their own behavior. So what will happen is sooner or later this will happen. If you are in a so called Monogamous relationship it's for BOTH parties. Everyone THINKS they are getting over but it will always end up this way. Maybe you should reconsider is this what you really want in a relationship? If that's what you want then by all means LIVE UP TO IT and HONOUR it.
