Am I failing at AP?

I feel like I'm just the most horrible mother in the world...

Brian seems to be able to read Moire's signs better than me. "Maybe she's hungry..." "No, she's not. I just fed her. *five minutes later* Brian, make a bottle please. She's hungry."

And sometimes, I just have to let her cry...Like one day, I needed to go and get Brian some lunch. And she just wouldn't stop crying, despite my changing her, trying to feed her, burp her, and just rock her...And it was upsetting me so much that I was starting to cry too. I'm standing there in a parking lot crying my eyeballs out with a screaming baby in my arms. After a few minutes, I was so beside myself that I just put her in her carseat, closed the door, and just counted to ten. I was fighting this insane urge to drop her, so I had to set her down so I could calm down.

I feel like I'm failing as an Attachment Parent. She's two months old. I should know her. I'm with her 24/7. I sleep with her, feed her, play with her.

Why am I feeling so crummy about this?

 

(((((big hugs))))
I felt the EXACT same way, and was/still sometimes am questioning my abilities as a mother, let alone an AP mother.
Sounds like you may have a bit of PPD, as well, I'd get that checked asap.
You're doing the right thing. If you at anytime feel like she is in danger, put her in a safe place and take a breather. She totally picks up on your uneasiness and it makes her scared and unsure. I find if I put leane down for a minute, or give her to dad and I take a break, I'll feel a ton better, much calmer and I can go back at it again with a fresh, clear mind, and Leane is MUCH happier as well.
You love your little one tons, you're going through something that almost all new moms do. Sadily, it's hidden away to make moms who go through this seem like monsters, but the more and more women I talk to who have had kids ALL go through this.
This is a 24/7 job for you, and lord knows, you need breaks, too. You're a great mama, don't second guess yourself. You're new at this and it takes some time to adjust. No woman is super woman, never will be. Don't feel bad, you're doing great.
See if you could ask Brian to watch her for a 1/2 hour or something while you go have a bath or something. I asked Cody to help me do that, just to clear my head and not think. It made a world of difference.
(((((((((((((((((more hugs))))))))))))))))))

 

Think about it in the last 2 months you have had to change sooooo much - go from being one to being 2 people!!!
Maybe as Brian to have her for a afternoon a week
Or an eveing so you can maybe go and chill out bit

Having anything around you 24/7 is enough to make you feel shite but having something that is screaming and just is upset and making you upset is wayyyy to much

Even if you have the urge to drop her - you wont do it!!!

You did the right thing of putting her in her car seat and counting to 10 - I would have done the same thing!!!

Hope you ok x

 

it sounds to me you may be experiencing post partum depression. Please go talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. ((((((((hugs)))))))))


you are a great mommy!! It's the women who don't care if they are doing a good job or not who worry me the most.

 

Holly, you've had a rough few weeks. It's totally normal that you would have some rough spots emotionally. Remember too that the metformin can cause depression. Talk to your doc about this.

You are a good mom no matter what you may feel at times. You're doing everything you can for your little one and you're dealing with your own health issues too. You're gonna be fine I promise. Hell, I still have days when I feel like the world's worst mother and Dakota is 4 now. Of course, when he tells me "I don't like you, only Dada." That doesn't help a bit. Usually that's after I have punished him for something. Take time for yourself. Relax a bit. she'll do great and so will you.

Kathi

 

I've been there too, I suppose we all have. The sleep deprivation makes the first couple months really rough,too. If you didn't worry or have doubts then you would be doing it wrong. Hang in there!

 

The crying can drive anyone up a wall. I remember Bear having to DRAG me out of the room, when Sunshine was about this age, as I had been rocking, bouncing, feeding, ect her for HOURS and the crying just didn't stop, and I was nearly losing my mind. Like you, it was only for a few minutes, this is better than losing your mind or worse. You counted to 10, you didn't leave her alone for hours. We've all been to the "I haven't slept in 2 months, nothing seems to be working, I can't make this baby happy, I suck." Phase.

Take a walk, either with someone watching Moira, or with her in the sling. Breathe, get something cool to drink. You are a good mama.

I had to come to the conclusion, with my second baby that: BABIES CRY. I decided that I would be healthier, if I just realized I had done all I could for her, and that just putting her in the carrier, and going on with walking, dancing whatever, was the same as trying all kinds of things that just weren't working anyway. I would put Moon in the "Tot Tender" (It's a kind of strap on carrier thing, I didn't have a sling back then) put the Grateful Dead or the Beatles on the stereo, and dance around while, while patting her, while she screamed her brains out, until she could calm down and either nurse or sleep. I was THERE, but I made the observation that there were times that NOTHING I could do would stop the crying, so I tried to be as Zen about it as possible, and just accept that she was crying, and that I was WITH her and that was the BEST both of us could do at that moment.

I also did this with the next two kids. (Luckily, I had slings for these babies.) and we all survivied. I also found that, once in a while, letting Bear take the babies for a few minutes, or my sister, or someone I KNEW wasn't going to just leave them for hours, and taking a walk, or collapsing on the bed for a while, (once I knew I had done EVERYTHING I knew I could do) would work, too. (As long as I didn't do this too often, if I did, I started resenting the time I did spend with her or him, but that may have just been my issue) Also, taking the baby in the bath with me was SOOO relaxing for both of us. I did this a lot, where there was no one there to help (this was very common with Sage, as Bear was working a lot, and I was alone alll day and many evenings with the baby.) Baths can be wonderful.

A few rough times is not PPD. NONSTOP depresssion, nonstop crying, feeling ALL the time like you might hurt yourself or the baby, sleeping all the time or NOT sleeping at all, or very little, even when the baby is asleep, racing thoughts, or starting to abuse alcohol or drugs ARE signs of PPD. Baby Blues is common and usually goes away on it's own. PPD is PERVASIVE, you think about how miserable you are ALL the time, and therapy and eve meds are probably warrented. But, Baby Blues can and will respond to simple changes and some time.

No one here will be able to tell you for sure if you have PPD. Even your OB is most likely not the best person to diagnose, as years ago they UNDER diagnosed and now every mama who says she is feeling down gets put on antidepressants, and this isn't always neccesary. Also, for many therapy may be just a helpful as meds, and other people need both. But a good psychiatrist, who KNOWS and regularly treats PPD is the best person to help yo if the "blues" don't get better on their own, or are there ALL the time.

Love and hugs, sweetie.