We've had severe flooding up here in Yankee-Crankee-Doodle-Land for the last week and it was getting to be a drag getting across the Schuylkill River-- most of the bridges were closed. Well, by damn!, I needed some vodka. So, at Gibralter, I drove through the barricades (two sets) and at the other end of the bridge I saw no water, and drove through yellow tape. I went under an railroad underpass, came up a hill, and there was a local cop. FUCK! He got all excited and came running down the hill, hollering. "Did someone wave you through?", this 20-something hired thug, asked. "No," I replied. "I saw no water and could think of no reason why I, as a taxpayer, shouldn't be allowed to proceed." " Because it's barricaded off, that's why," the officious jerk-blossum replied. " Why is it barricaded off if there is no water?," I sensibly responded. Beside himself, because I obviously had no respect for authority, he yelled, " Because the township roadmaster said it was slick with mud!" I replied, "That proves him an idiot." To make this short, the fucking cop gave me a ticket for $25 bucks, but with all the costs and totalitairtarian (sp.)horseshit they add on, it cost me $106.50. So, the fucking useless cop (I HATE POLICE, AND I'M A REPUBLICAN!) asks, "Is there anything you don't understand?", after he reads me all this gibberish which I have heard many a time. I say, "Yeah. Why didn't you write up the three cars that were behind me when I went through the barricades?" This example of OUR NATIONS FINEST! OUR THIN BLUE LINE BETWEEN WE AND RANDOM SLAUGHTER! THESE DONUT- SCARFING, COFFEE-SLURPING, PUSSEL-GUTTED, SELF-ANNOINTED GUARDIANS OF THE WEAK, RESCUERS OF THE HELPLESS, BULLY-BOYS IN BLUE, TOADIE-ARSE-SUCKERS OF THE JUDGES, D.A.'S, AND SADIST PRISON GUARDS, this worthless whelp sucking at the public teat, said, "You led the way through and they merely followed." I gave this idiot a baleful stare and said, "I always was a leader; never a follower." Then, I added (I was sober, thank God!), "This is just one goddamn big joke to me." (Kids, I'm 59, and old men are allowed to vent, even to cops. Don't try this on your own.) He said, ignoring my hostility, "Put on your seat-belt before you leave." Not even knowing how seat-belts work, I just waited until he left. I got my half-gallon of vodka-- $11.89, plus $106.50. For that goddamn much I could have shipped all 8 cats first class to Teepi'; or Diligaff; or Shameless- Belled- MooCow; or even SKIP! How about it ultra-moderator? Maybe not 8, but 4 (cuties, all), I think you and Mrs. Skip could not only learn to love, but actually worship and treasure them-Burl's gift to you! They are already shipped. Unfortunately, you have no choice but to accept them, unless you are a cruel, heartless Cat-Nazi. (Teepi told me to do this-- I was under her not inconsiderable spell.) They should arrive tomorrow.
The fucking postage and insurance was outrageous, so I held off shipping them. They're still bouncing in my bushes and terrorizing the local fence-hackies and shrews. I shall never be shut of these critters-- it's my karma. (Moan....!)
Sorry to break your heart (balls?), Skip, but the little skitterers have melted my mean ole heart. So..... I guess it's until death (their death, I hope) we part. I will, however, accept donations of dry cat food. (Forget kitty litter; I use screenings-- something like sand, but coarser-- and it only costs $5 a TON!) Somewhere, there's a redneck joke just waiting to happen.
Ha!! There would be a reveloution if they barracaded the road to the beer store around here. They would have to have dessignated dropoff points for the heliocopters to make the drop of rescue supplies of beer, wine and whiskey. I doubt if that could happen in Texas tho, being a beer state and all. Not to slight Milwalkie (sp) of course.
