First away, I would like to thank you folks for being my sounding board -- posting here has made my thoughts a lot easier to deal with because in a way I am not alone in them! That being said, I have been doing a lot of thinking, and have figured out a few things about myself. I don't go in for (as someone put it, in response to another of my posts) "that which others call love, [and] I call obsession." I am a free lover and disagree with commitment (at least for myself). When I am with someone that I care about, I do not think or obsess about him -- I might have fleeting thoughts like, "I wonder how/who/what [insert name here] is doing right now ..." or, "Gee, this reminds me of [...]", but they are the sort of thoughts that come and go leaving me with a small smile. But as soon as I feel rejected ... I tend to go into overdrive, to gain some sort of closure (which admittedly in some cases has meant getting back together, but in other cases has meant breaking up for absolute sure). If my path is carrying me into his territory I will keep an eye out for him along the way; I take it personally if he does not talk to me; and I can't seem to get him out of my head. Mind you, I am not even close to as bad as some people I know, AND I am getting better at recovering from it ... but it still bothers me that I do it. Can anyone tell me -- is this normal?
Not normal at all. I suggest you smother yourself with a pillow so you cannot pass this horrible trait down to an innocent human.
"normal" is a statistic issue.....if 49 do "this" and 51 do "that", you are "normal" if you belong to the "that" group.............
Who knows what 'normal', is? But that being said, from what I have heard and experienced I'd say that's quite common.
You're stating you're one thing, and you're actually something else. Don't pretend to hide the depth of your feeling behind "free love", and don't brainwash yourself into thinking you're all right with something when you clearly are not. If I may state plainly, I think you're terrified of letting your heart be trampled on.
Why is it wrong to be afraid of being trampled on? And how does that put me at odds with free love? I mean, I know I am evil, but I don't think I am "hiding behind" anything ... could be wrong though, since of course I am evil. PS: I am never procreating -- don't worry about me passing on this trait to anyone else. And FYI: If I ever kill myself, it will be with a plastic bag taped over my head -- pillows let in air after you pass out from lack of oxygen.
Okay, clarification. I just spoke with one of my exes, who told me I was NOT a clingy person whatsoever ... and that when I do the dumping, I am fine. (He should know ...) But when I get dumped, I take it personally. Not to the point of stalking, but to the point of feeling really bad and actually devoting part of my life to actively feeling bad. I know I can't be the only one who feels this ...
you can keep telling yourself you are okay with being treated like a piece of meat until you believe it, but you can never make it true. I think Hannah is spot-on this time. My first guess is that at some point in your life, you were mistreated so badly that you think it's what you want now. My second guess would be that your mother never had a healthy relationship with a man, and you simply don't know what a good relationship looks like. You really do deserve to be treated with kindness and respect!! Demand to be treated like a human rather than a thing, an object, a sex toy. You deserve so much better than that. ((((((((hugs)))))))))
its ok to say you don't want an endless life of free loving, and its ok to say you want to find one person, or that person to find you, and to stick by them through thick and thin. Its normal to get hurt and to feel hurt when rejected. Hell as painful as it can be, it teaches you to be that little bit stronger. Now all I gotta do is take my own advice on the pain. Have you ever listened to an Everything But The Girl song. I think it goes something like - I walk past your door, but you don't live there anymore, look up to where you once stood.... something like that.
I DON'T want to find just one person, though -- that's the thing. I like having a string of new people. I just hate being thrown away like trash when it ends. It makes me FEEL like trash, and then I have a hard time moving on to my new bedwarmer. Is that bad? I ask this in all seriousness.
Thats totally normal to feel that way both with the feeling like trash and the string of new people - you're young and its just up to you and whoever or whoevers to make sure u all know where you stand, that he probably wont be a permanent bedwarmer. If you feel like trash from being dumped then dump them first. It's kinda dumb advice I guess since I don't really do the whole serial monogamy thing, but it might work.
It's normal to feel bad after being rejected, but from what you're writing it sounds like more than that; like it's an intrenched way of thinking, of being, like you are down on yourself constantly. I suggest going out and absorbing yourself in other things to move on from the relationship; friends, books, movies, nature, whatever you're into, or find something new, and yes, convincoing yourself and trying to convince others that you're fine with being treated like crap never works. No-one deserves to be treated like that, and I mean no-one. *hugs*, hope that helps and good luck.
