Why do we like being told we're beautiful more than

Imagine how someone with a trache ring, or severe deformity would feel reading this topic...

 

I've never dated anyone severly deformed before but I've dated girls who arent the most attractive and I still liked them. I dont consider myself shallow but I have my types that I'm attracted to so I go for certain women based on looks. I think everyone does.

 

Yeah, I think since science has proven that men are visually stimulated more so than women, though..We may be under more pressure than men.
Anybody notice...there was a trend..Not sure if it's still going..On television sitcoms of slightly obese, less than aesthetically attractive men with hotties?
Hell, when thinking about it...Goes all the way back to the Cramdens.

 

Thats because hot guys are gay

 

Well....
I've been working on building my self worth with every good deed I do. Every helping hand I lend..
Every major effort I make not to respond with as much anger as I really feel at the ignorance I see/read at times.
Surrounding oneself with people that nuture that part of you that isn't only skin deep is probably a good idea as well.
Best wishes to all my perplexed friends out there.

 

Wouldn't it be nice if the rest of society felt the way we do? That they didn't care about what we looked like, but only what we were on the inside? Personally, I don't care what you look like, or how smart you are, I care about how I feel when I'm with you...

The sad truth is, many, many, many, many people are superficial and you are judged the moment they see you. And with the brainwashing that most of us have had in our lives, we place a higher emphasis on looks, than we do on our intellect.

I have a high IQ and (usually) am pretty sharp. I was born that way and it comes easy for me, without much effort. I will admit that I do take this for granted. I think I can count on one hand, how many boyfriends my intelligence has attracted.

My looks are another thing. When I was a child, I was the "fat kid" in school. I was teased horribly and it truly did affect my psyche. When I reached puberty, I went through a dramatic change physically, and suddenly people were giving me positive attention, instead of negative.

Now, I am an attractive, but not perfect woman. I have my share of suitors and probably should be happy with the way I look, but I'm not. I think I need to lose weight in order to be more attractive. I don't like my nose, I don't like my hair, I have a lot of scars, etc, etc...

There is an interesting program out there... I don't quite remember what it is called... "The Biology of Attraction" or something. It explains why most people are attracted to certain things (face shape, body shape, etc). It helps to explain why so many people are more superficial (because they are wired to be).

But again, we don't have to be ignorant and we can overcome our natural instincts.

 

Relationships for me were always a point of contention. I wanted men to want and respect me for my brain. They, in turn, liked to play with my breasts. After tons of failed relationships, a couple broken hearts and a little bit of settling, I finally found the solution. It was by total accident, but it was amazing.

I met a man over the internet. I didn't show him a picture of myself until we had been talking for over 6 months. This was my way of assuring he liked me for ME, for my heart, mind and soul... not for my bra size. And because he DID like me for me, he was totally fine with not seeing a picture of me for 6 months.

We are now married and expecting our first child. We read the same geeky books. We do crossword puzzles together in bed. And while he likes my breasts, he is totally behind my decision to have them reduced.

 

Congratulations, & that is really just killer news to hear!

 

Oh, and just a question:

Have any of you women ever "ugly-fied" yourselves on purpose?

I was sexually assulted, and less than a month later I had cut off my hair, dyed it an unflattering colour, thrown out all of my sexy clothes and quit wearing my contact lens. I wore baggy clothes and no makeup for close to 2 years. I wore sports bras that were two sizes too small in attempt to minimize my cheast.

I blamed my outward appearance for the assult.... and became even more the "geekie smart chick" to remove myself from the person whom had been assulted and from the whole sexual arena.

 

Interesting topic. I say that all of the time though. Don't be impressed with yourselves or offended. LOL. I amuse myself. Anyway, the point I wanted to make is that not every single thing that everyone does is as superficial as it appears from this thread.

As many of you already know, I met my boyfriend over the internet. Neither of us knew what the other looked like yet we became "online friends" or whatever. We were both looking for people to date or hang out with or whatever. So I went over to his place to watch a movie one night. He didn't like my ugly pink shirt and the fact that I had long fake finger nails on (I let my friend dress me against my better judgement and I was not being myself). Anyway, I could tell that night (and he told me later that year) that he was not interested in me because of those stupid things. So we didn't "date" after that. We still remained really good friends over AIM though. We were both casually dating other people, but we had long deep discussions about EVERYTHING with each other. We bonded. (I know most of you are rolling your eyes). Anyway, after about 6 months, we had both forgotten what the other looked like and we didn't have those fancy expensive picture takin' devices back then (hell this is when personals were free for crying out loud!). But we pretty much fell for each other over the internet. I know for a fact that I fell in love with his personality. While we are attracted to each other, it was our personalities that brought us together. Perhaps a little intelligence because one of my pet peeves is spelling or grammar mistakes, and I love witty people (must be why I'm drawn to this forum so much). But basically it was just because we were both comfortable enough to be ourselves and share with each other.

Yeah, he got over the pink shirt, and I've had my nails done since then, and he still would rather me grow my own out. We've both gained and lost weight together and changed in other ways, but we are still in love after 6 years. And I still tell him he looks nice/handsome what have you and I still love it when he tells me I look pretty. I don't see that much really wrong with telling someone that you love that you have the hots for them. Maybe if more people did, then there wouldn't be so many relationship problems. Maybe not. I don't know.

 

True, it is easier to just say something. (we've had similar discussion on Parenting forum.) I do tell people their baby is beautiful, but also, if it is true, say about how alert the baby is, and how that often denoted intelligence. (It's true.) A young baby making eye contact and moving in rhythm to your voice is alert, and is probably a smart kid.

Lynsey, andrs, please take the personal stuff to PM or e mail, thank you.

 

I thought about this thread earlier when I went to the mall today. I was filling out applications for some jobs, so I had some nice clothes on with some (painful!) high heels, so I would make a good first impression. Well...I noticed...how amazingly different people treat you depending on how you dress. Usually I'm wearing stained T-shirts and long skirts, barefeet or sandals, dreads hanging down, etc....and I usually get snubbed. People won't hold doors open for me, any smiles or eye contact I make is usually answered with a quick turn of the head by the other person. Today I had men holding doors open for me, saying hello, small talk by both men and women. It was very strange...and it makes me realize how superficial people in our society really are. It's pathetic.

 

It's sad if this is your interpretation the sequence of events/ my intent.
You need help.

Thank you for your continued respect for the sanctity of Private Messages.

When attempting to discredit Folks
better results are possible using credible facts
compared to simply being on your soap box...

 

...sure it was just coincidental...lol and I am superman where the fuck is my red cape and blue teeshirt?

I don't want to pm you, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want you to post in my threads. I am not understanding how I can make this any clearer. If there is a way I can make that easier for you to understand please let me know.

credible facts? About what most people first see? You know who you are talking to right? Read any basic 100 freshman level social psych text and all your 'credible facts' will be there for you.

 

maybe you could not be so jealous and hostile?

 

Pathetic but true ): Our society sucks and it sucks most that some people are forced to cater to look a way they don't feel best in and it sucks even more that no matter how much men deny MOST men are fixated on what is considered conventionally attractive.. I hope you found a cool job and one that doesn't require heels!

 

In the true sense, meaning living various ways of life and being exposed to people and places that differentiate and being able to recognize a particular facet as beautiful when most others keep their eyes shut as tightly as possible and stay in their safe cocoon.

basically exactly what you just articulated.
school of life, not school of AP courses or expensive and over rated colleges. (note I may be saying this because I go to state d: )

 

that's what made me write this thread is that I no longer work with children with disabilities and as I get further and further into administration I care less and less about the actual cause and more and more about myself. I have become not comftrable unless I am wearing heels, a skirt and tons of make-up on where I used to feel comftrable in jeans. I don't think I've worn a pair of jeans in months...sad. I'm compinsating for something or am just used to dressing this way all the time now. I have no idea which or if I am just growing up and this is what type of woman I am.

Is that sad?-to some yes. This may sound cold but for me it was a much needed change to focus on me, my health and those who have always been for me. When I worked with SED and Spec ed kids I had nothing left over, for myself or others. I spent all of my soul on them while cheating everyone else and my heart ached-constantly. It's nice to be mindless, or at least pretend to be mindless for now. Perhaps it's just a phase-who knows?