I need some advice...

I know I'm young and all and everyone will say I'm too young to be dating or having a real relationship and what not, but I need some advice. My dad doesn't want me to be dating at this age and I understand why and all, but I don't think it's fair that he can let me see this guy for 4 months and now say we can't hang out anymore.
I don't know what to do. About a month ago my dad said I could only see Nick once a week after being able to see him like 2-3 times a week for 3 months. So a couple of nights ago I talked to him about it and asked why he made this decision. He went off on me and now says I can't see Nick at all until I'm 16 (the age he originally told me i could date). I don't think this is fair. I understand my dad's point of view, but I don't like it. How am I supposed to talk with this guy who doesn't even listen to my side of the conversation/arguement?
Another thing is, I think my dad is testing us, and this might just be my paranoia, but I think he's trying to tear us apart to see if we really love each other enough to hold out while he's being such an ass. I don't know if he's going to go all the way through with this, rents hardly ever do, but I think if Nick would wait for me and not try to make me sneak out and lie to my rents, that this would all blow over and we could see each other again. I don't know, but I sure would appreciate any advice anyone has.

 

If this is how you feel, then tell your Dad or your mother. Tell you Dad that you both feel that he is trying to split yas up, and let him know exactly how you are feeling.

I hope my advice has helped.

 

how old is the gent you're seeing? Sometimes big age gaps can really freak parents out.

Your dad is worried about you, it's a fair thing to do. Trying to control you this much is, well, a bit much. Ya'll need to have a serious, calm, rational discussion of what's acceptable and what isn't, how you feel about this guy, how serious you two are, and how far you're gonna go with him. No, not the nitty gritty but something like "Look, I'm so not ready for sex yet, that's a few years/whatevertime down teh road but I know how to be safe when I do get to that point". If you ahve a cell, always have it on and with you so your dad can get ahold of you as need be. If you don't, ask if having one would make him feel better about you, feel as though you were safer

It's not gonna instantaneously change, I can guarantee that. But if you have a few rational, calm discussions (Not yelling matches, try to not get too riled up, try to stay calm and debate the points rather than interrupting/yelling) with your dad he may start to see things from your point of view, may start to see that you're a mature, responsible person (assuming you are, that is), who can take care of herself

 

but the thing is, i've tried to talk to my dad all the time and he never listens to me. anytime i talk to him about me and nick he just makes more restrictions on when we can and can't see each other. nick and i have both talked to mom about sex and stuff and we both told her we're not ready for sex anytime soon and she just rolls her eyes and says stuff about hormones and shit. they don't take anything we say seriously, they just think we're stupid and niave. i can't stand it.

 

And about an age gap, I'm 14 and Nick's 13, so it's not like my rents should be worried. If anything, Nick's rents should be the ones being stupid about this whole situation, but they're not, they're cool with it.

 

you are 14. he is 13. you have been dating 4 months. you already tell each other you love each other. dear, you will think you are in love so many more times before you actually find it. goodluck.

 

As bad of an idea as it sounds, this is what I would do:

Tell your dad he can go fuck himself, and his little dog, too. Tell him that if he's going to make it either Nick or him, then he's gonna have to hit the road and your relationship with him is going to suffer before your relationship with Nick.

 

Ahahahahaha, thats funny.

 

I agree. I pretty much had to tell my dad to fuck the fuck off when I was in 8th grade because he was trying to control who I hung out with and so on and there's just a point where parents have to back off and let you make your own mistakes. They instilled your values into you when you were young, but around the time when you become a teenager is about the time when you should have leeway to make your own decisions and learn from whatever consequences may arise. The way I see it is, you rule over them until they become teenagers, then you should back off and guide them along.

Your dad's got to learn that if he doesn't back off now, you're going to resent him later in life. My dad's controlling attitude kept on and still keeps on to this day (only not nearly as bad, just more or less nagging) and our relationship really isn't that great. So...if I were you, I'd find a more appropriate and respectful way to express it than just telling him right out to fuck off, but he's got to let you be. That doesn't mean you should be allowed to do whatever you please, but he should consider lightening up on you. Maybe you could print articles about how overprotective parenting is damaging. That could definitely help you present your case in a respectful and mature manner.

 

Well if you're not comfortable with your bf getting you to sneak out and see him, tell him so and why, and then tell your dad that you're gonna see him regardless of what he says, and that you're old enough and responsible enough to act maturely etc. Then go about seeing him and hopefully your Dad will come around and realise, with time, and by your actions, that you are responsible, and calm down.

Hope that helps and good luck

 

Honestly... I dont think any of us knows the answer to this question... you just stumble your way through teendom and make of it what you can.

 

Ok, seriously just read through this and try it:

Parents are just like anyone, they care about those they love. Your dad might be trying to control your life out of that care and in some ways that's shitty because it restricts you, but at times it can be a good thing because you have someone there who is looking out for you, so PLEASE don't become bitter towards your family for anything boy related, because if you already don't know this your family's insanely important in the scheme of your life.

Now so I don't seem like some family freak..I'll tell you what I did to start dating someone 3 years older than me, at 14, in a pretty strict family.
I invited my boyfriend over to spend time with my family..this sounds shitty but if you want to date someone and have your parents be ok with it, they need to see that your not a fool when it comes to relationships (show them how you act around him and how he acts around you) and they also get to know this almost invisible creature that you've been spending "so much" time with in their eyes. Make sure to let the guy know of their personal likes and dislikes in people and ONLY mention the GOOD aspects of their personalities so he's not fREAKING out about hanging around with the family..

ALSO, you might want to start being a little more open with your parents about your boyfriend, let them know why you like him, point out the positives about him.

Basically if you treat it situations as if you're a grown up, instead of telling them to fuck off and sneaking around behind their backs, you're more likely to be treated as as a grown up.

If this approach fails, cry..it sounds bad but sometimes they need to see you cry.

 

First of all has your dad met this boy? If he hasn't he should. I am sure once he meets him his feelings may change. If your dad is really so paranoid about you dating maybe you should sit and have a talk with him.Explain that you are only 14 and it isnt as if you are going to marry the kid. Tell him you completely understand him, yet he has no reason to be worried. You should act more like the relationship isn't that serious, that scares parents, especially those of a fourteen your old girl.

 

Yes, my dad has met him. Nick and I haven't gotten together and talked to my dad about all of this, but we've talked to my mom and I've talked to my dad alone about it half a dozen times. But now Nick and i have no chance to get together and talk to my dad because Nick isn't allowed to come over anymore. We're not allowed to see each other at all.
I think my dad will eventually let us see each other again if we just act mature about it and don't sneak out to see each other. I know my dad will let up eventually, but Nick has no patience for this sort of thing. He's very pesimistic about this and thinks my dad's never going to let up and he's going to have to wait an entire year to see me again, so he just sneaks over to see me. I told him I don't want him to sneak over because if we get caught, my dad will never let up. I don't know. I just hate how my dad has resorted to this. He knew we would sneak out to see each other if he totally banned us from being together at all. But maybe he's just testing us. I think this might be a test for Nick. To see if he would wait for me through all this and not go off and find some other chick who can see him all the time, who's Dad isn't a total ass.

 

The thing that gets me is that I know my dad better than Nick does, but Nick's so hard-headed, he doesn't believe anything I tell him about my dad.

 

Darling, I know I'm younger than you but Iono.

I seriously think your dad is just worried about what happened with mom is gonna happen with you and Nick and it will ruin your future relasonships. But I dunno. He's being weird with Lindsay too. I think he's just being a serious asshole. I think you should tell him your a lesbian and then he'll think girls aren't safe at the house anymore and he'll let guys come over again.

Ok. Ignore that. It was wrong.

Um... I just think it was completly weird for him to let you see Nick for 3 months and let him come over whenever he wanted and then just out of the blue tell you that you can't see the boy you love (or whatever the hell that feeling is called at this age.). I remember when Nick and I went out. We'd just see eachother once a week and that was it. But since you'll be going into highschool, things are gonna be really weird for you and Nick.

Well, I think you should tell Dad to fuck off and let you do what you want while you're a kid (well everything short of sex and nasty things like that). Mom gets it. Dad doesn't.

Love,
Crankypoo.

 

you know, it's probably the sneaking out thing that pissed your dad off. And if your boyfriend keeps insisting that you sneak out, and he keeps sneaking over there to see you, I think your father is justified in thinking you shouldn't see him. *Thinking* it, not enforcing too strict rules, though. I think you should really talk to your dad, and let him know you don't like the sneaking around either, or the pressure from Nick to do it. Then tell Nick if he can't back off and quit pressuring you into breaking Dad's rules, you are going to be under lock and key until you graduate, and he'll never see you ever at all. He needs to grow up a little and act more responsible. I wouldn't want him hanging out with my girls, if one of them were a teenager, either, just from what you've shared about him with us.

 

Well I'm a mom, not a dad. But I see several issues that scare me here. First, I am curious as to WHY your dad is suddenly "reigning it in" so to speak. Because yeah, that doesn't seem fair to me either. But believe it or not parents usually have a reason for the things they do... even when we don't see them. Were your grades in school dropping? Does he not like Nick? Has your behavior changed in any way that could have him concerned/worried/upset? As a teen my relationship with my sweetie was curbed for all of these and more while I was still living with my parents.

Second, (yup, I'm gonna talk like a mama for a minute) I don't think that sneaking out is okay. Ever. 'Cause not only are you directly disobeying, but at that point you'll also have to lie... and keep lying to cover it up. It just turns into a mess.

Third, the idea that Nick is pressuring you to sneak out scares me most of all. I don't want to begin to tell you what is or isn't appropriate, it's not my place. But pressuring someone into doing something they don't want to do is a recipe for disaster. Today it's just sneaking out together, but tomorrow it could be something else.

What would I do? First, I'd sit down and talk to Nick and point out that whether or not you agree with your dad on this, you don't want to feel that you're being pressured into anything. If he can't understand that, that's a different story. And then I'd talk to your dad. Ask him if Nick might come over so that the three of you could have an honest discussion together. If he says no, ask why. Maybe he's got a good reason and maybe he hasn't. But while you can always choose a different boyfriend, that's always gonna be your dad. It would take an enormous issue to make me want to break all ties with my dad. I would try hard to sort this out with your dad - maybe even before Nick got over, so you could have a discussion together rather than a fight.
love,
mom

 

Listen to your dad. You are too young, imo, to be dating.

 

you sound very mature for your age. Besides sneaking out I don't see what is wrong with the situation.

Just remember your dad doesn't have 100% control over how you manage your time, you can find time to be with nick without having to sneak out.