Don't know what to make of this.

I was on my bf's computer and i accidently found that he has been going to adultfriendfinder.com and chatting there and shit. I'm upset by this but I have a tendancy to over-react. So should I dump him over this or isn't not even a big deal.

 

Well one would need to ask, why a singles site, why is he chatting there, why did he not tell you, whom is he chatting with.

 

I did and he wont talk about it. All he says is that he was just fucking around.

 

Well it sound like its okay to "fuck around" in his relationship, invite a guy over to your house, when BF comes home just say "we were fucking around" lol

 

its porn. deal with it, it isn't a big deal.

 

There's a huge difference between looking at porn, and registering at a singles site where you can privately message people and find out where they live and who they are. I think it's about boundaries and what makes people feel secure in their relationship. It would def. NOT be okay for my b.f. to be chatting with local girls in a very sneaky way, i would feel betrayed and furious, mostly because he would know for a fact that i would feel that way and disregard it for his own selfish thrill. And your bf's casual comment that it was "just fucking around" is pretty disrespectful if he knows he's hurt you. He sounds like a jerk. I think everyone knows the difference between porn and meeting people online. And since he obviously doesn't feel the need to resolve this, i agree that you should register on there as well. Fuck it. If it's innocent when he does it, he really can't have a problem with you doing it as well. Why not find yourself some hot guys to flirt with and make you feel sexy, since the job isn't getting done by him? See how he likes it.

 

Run like Hell.

 

Yeah move on, you deserve a hell of a lot better than that. You could registor and see how far he'd go but I'd wonder, is it worth it? He'd log on to find someone on there, so why bother sticking around?

 

I'm not sure if other people have a set up like ours, but my boyfriend is into computers so we each have separate computers. It wouldn't be difficult for me to sign up for something on my computer and be chatting with him on his because mine is in the dining room and his is down in the basement office. But I think most people share a computer, so that would make the chatting a little difficult.

I agree with what evileyva said 100%. Except I still wouldn't waste my time trying to figure out if he is "doing anything". The fact that he went on there to begin with suggests he is interested in finding an adult friend. That is the point of the site. It isn't a porn site, it is a place where people who want to hook up for casual sex go to find other like minded people or groups (orgies and couples and stuff post there). Not only that but he is being disrespectful to you.

Also, there is a posibility he is gay, because a lot of guys on the down low go on that site to cheat with another man.

 

or maybe he was curious about the style.

but hell, no jury just right to the catherine wheel.

 

If he wont talk aout it, thats pretty telling. Ditch him before he gives you an infection he caught from one of his "hookups"

 

all i know is that if someone is satisfied with a relationship, they dont join singles online.

so make what you will of that.

 

You probaly know deep down that you two shouldn't be together but you just can't get there yet. Good Luck Pretending'
Peace&Love&Honesty

 

Curious about what style is that exactly? It is different if one stumbles on to a website accidentally then leaves. It is different if one is curious about other types of sexual acts. But from what I understand this person joined, made an account and is communicating with others regarding sex and having sexual relationships.

Furthermore, if he was "curious" then why couldn't he express this to his partner? All he had to say was "oh that, yeah see I was a little curious to see what else was out there, for example orgies or swingers, so I went to this site, and this is the conclusion I have drawn..." But that is now how it went down at all.

this is why the judicial system is flawed and such a waste of time.

 

Go on the website yourself and hook up.

 

Just do what this person says haha, that'll learn him for not being greatful for what he has, which is obviously someone who cares about him

 

You can just "f*ck around" in a chat room, but to sign up for an account at a singles site is looking for more than a friendly chat. Personally I would call your bf on his bs response. You could get through this if you wanted to stay with him, but he would first have to admit what he did was not just fucking around. However, I am not saying you need to try to work through it, because only you can make that decision.

It is really easy when online to say "kick him to the curb" because we do not know your life situation. Would leaving him be a financial nightmare, are there kids involved, these are things you need to think about. I mean, does he treat you well and then this happened? Or is he a jerk to you, and this is the final straw. Only you know who he is, and what he is capable of.

I wish you the best of luck

 

The fact that he doesn't want to talk about it tells you one thing: DUMP HIM.

The suggestions that you sink to his level are, in my opinion, stupid. Do you really want to be an asshole? Why? Aren't you better than that?

Just walk away. Tell him off, tell him to go fuck himself and that you hope he dies a slow painful death from venereal syphilis (that shit's nasty, it makes your skull look like swiss cheese, probably one of the nastier ways to go). But don't be just like him. You are so much better than that.

Besides, by sinking to his level, you're just telling the world that you deserve to be treated that way. Be the better person.

 

Or would HIV be a worse financial nightmare? How about becoming even more financially entangled before he walks out on you for some hot chick he met on friendfinder?

If so, do you really want to teach your sons that it's ok to treat women this way? Would you want a daughter of yours to accept this sort of treatment?

Isn't that the classic excuse for battered women to stay with their abusers? He treats her amazingly, always buying flowers and sweeping her off her feet, except of course when he's beating the crap out of her...

If he were willing to talk about this, I would not be so quick to judge. But if he refuses to admit that he did anything wrong, any thing hurtful, then you need to get out of that relationship.

If you stay, you're just telling him that it's ok to keep doing this, and why not take it further than he already has (assuming he has not yet slept with any of these new "friends").

 

Where did I miss the part that he beat the crap out of her. I was under the impression that this was about him being tasteless about websites.

Being a complete moron and placing a personal ad when you are in a relationship and then trying to hide it is a far cry from physical abuse. It would be foolish to walk out if you have kids or no money (or both) over someone joining a singles website. However you may want to think about your relationship and where it is headed.

As for my daughter, I hope she is sensible enough not to jump at the worst possible conclusion and to be able to look at situations rationally.

I have been the "battered woman" so if the original question was "He beat me and I don't know what to do" I would answered RUN!