Eating Disorder

You're not a downer... I understand, as I'm sure everyone else who has dealt with or is dealing with this, understands that it's not a simple and easy task to get help. And as with anything, it's difficult to admit to those around you, and even to yourself sometimes. Though I am getting help, I understand completely what you're going through, and I will until the day I die, because I've been there. And recovery is a slow, gradual process, so the things you say... I still deal with those things. And I still feel those things. And I know how scary, embarrassing, draining, upsetting, and frustrating it can be.

A scale in the restaurant??? That's a terrible idea... This society is wayy too focused on weight, clearly.

I do that yes... and I grab around my legs and arms too, to see what they would look like if I "lost" what I can grab. I feel like a freak after I do it too lol.

Unfortunately your body adjusts to lack of food if you do it for long enough, and that's what decreases your desire to eat, and what makes it less pleasant when you do eat normally. The "refeeding" period can be very stressful and painful, because of the terrible stomach aches and nausea you experience trying to get your body back to normal. I'm experiencing that right now... I went out to eat with my dad last night and ate some veggie enchiladas, which I was really proud of again, but I felt nauceas for a good 2-3 hours afterwards. I felt TERRIBLE, physically. The reason the stomach pains are so bad, is because once your body adjusts to starvation mode, it holds food in your stomach for up to 3 hours longer than it would normally, and so that can be very painful. Depending on the severity of your ED, sometimes it's not good to jump into refeeding yourself, because it can put too much stress on your heart... but I can assure you, you probably aren't to that point. Usually that only happens in victims who are emaciated like 70 lbs. That is how Karen Carpenter died. She was trying to recover, and ate too much too quickly, and it strained her heart so much that she died of a heart attack.

Refeeding needs to be done, if you want to get better, but with some people it must be more gradual than others. Some patients are required to eat 3000-4000 calories a day when refeeding.... others take it more gradually, until they reach a NORMAL amount of calories, 2000. It really depends on the person, their health, and how bad the disorder is.


I'll reply more when I'm not at work hehe

 

the whole stomach ache thing happened to me yesterday. you guys may have remembered me saying ill go a long time without eating and tehn i will just toally binge. well that was my yesterday. spagetti and meatball GROSSNESS. that was lie at 3 in the afternoon.

i layed in bed until about 3 am practically DYING from stomach pains. and i was fighting not to vomit- and i was very close several time. involantarily. my mom talked to me for about an hour (she doesnt know i have a big problem, she just notices that i get sick a lot and almost always have an excuse for why im not eating), and i felt so happy that i had to be TALKED to because my eating is so different than a normal person. i mean, i was actually smiling and felt like i had accomplished a goal. i still feel happy.

 

Just out of interest, what are you thinking when you binge? I've never gone a whole day without eating, but a couple of times recently I've gone to make myself a sandwich (not because I'm hungry but because I know I should eat). If I eat an element of it beforehand though, the urge to just eat more and more of it becomes enormous. I think it's something to do with the taste.

 

you know what, i have no idea what im thinking when i binge. its very intense and mellow at the saem time when i binge- its like im tranced.

i dont even know what i feel. all i know is that somewhere towards where i finally stop; ill 'wake up' and think OH MY GOD WHAT AM I DOING. and either my mind will fight it and ill keep eating to 'finish' or i will drop everything and figure out how to undo what ive just done.

it all starts in innocence though usually. even if ive been planning and even looking forward to a binge, i never know when its going to happen. it will start with me walking in the kitchen looking for something low cal to eat. then i loose control.

but there are a couple factors that all play into it: i have to be home alone, it has to be morning, and i have to have been thinking about the binge (just food) a lot before hand.

i hate binging. it makes me literally feel like i should kill myself.

 

good lord! i couldn't believe a thread on "eating disorder" has gone over 200 posts. until I realized it was the same two (or 3) people saying the same things OVER and OVER and OVER...

how long can the same two people go on and on and on...about THIS?!?

shit, just start an online support group.

 

sorry you feel that way... but a lot of these post have been posted to try to fill the ignorance about eating disorders that you obviously have. if your not interested in this thread then dont come. i dont go in other threads i dont care about to tell people that they are posting needlessly.

 

I have a better, more effective way to solve this.. How about YOU just ignore it if you don't like it?

 

i just want you ladies to know that no matter what, you are all truly beautiful. this is coming from an unbiased opinion... honestly you are some of the most beautiful girls i've seen, each unique in your own way. i hope everything works out for you all. i read this thread every day just to check in on you guys. so i just want you to know that you're all in my thoughts

much love ((hugggss)),
sarah

 

aww ^__^ thanks... <3 <3 <3 that really means a lot...

i want you guys to know, i went to a bakery and ate a whole brownie today, and didn't feel guilty about it. the rest of the day hasn't been as good (ate two soydogs, but without a bun ((they're 80 calories each)), got sick after trying to eat ravioli, only finished half the sweet potatoes i made), but i'm proud of that, at least.

dietcoketree, i'm really glad you talked to your mom... i hope it means you're close to getting better. it's a step. and by the way, you look a LOT like ashley tisdale, with brown hair (don't make fun of me because i watch the disney channel). you're adorable.

and apples+oranjes, i finally looked at your gallery too, and you are insanely pretty.

i love you guys a lot (that means everyone who has posted respectfully), and i look forward to coming here every day . screw the people who think it's a joke, or that it's something we can control. they're not gonna ruin this, because i know it is helping us all SO MUCH.

 

im lovin the love posts lol. i also wake up each morning and run to this thread.

so yea im really stressed out. todays my birthday and its kind of a tradition that when its your birthday, you get to choose your birthday dinner. i used to love this little tradition because it was 'my choice.' however, today, and all week long, ive been stressing out. i hate it because its like saying your birthday revolves around food. i know this whole thing is stupid- because its just something my family is trying to be nice about for me.

i chose to go to chilies. ok i know this isnt like a 'pro thread' but i dont know... maybe there is something you suggest here that i wont totally regret later? like just chicken or something?

 

I know chilis has a "guitless grill" with low carb and low fat choices like chicken & some pastas.. and veggie burgers, etc.
actually their choices are pretty good. Its probably more than you'd like to eat, but at least it will not be bad for you. It says on the menu what's in it, i think (like nutrition facts).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I hope you have a good one Try not to stress out too bad hun. Have a good time. Just remember that everyone is there to love YOU and make you feel good today

 

thank you thank you!

i forgot about that stupid 'guiltless grill'. haha that just means everything has like 300x more salt in it. oh well, hopefully i can just relax and eat sometihng lol.

i dont know about you guys but today is the first day of summer and it looked like crap where im at (illinois). bring out the sun!!

 

Yeah, but even if it has a lot of salt in it, you will lose the water retention within a day or two. It never stays, don't worry. I know, easier said than done...

If you know they put salt on something in it, just ask them to go easy on the salt?

You could always try ordering something and tweeking it to how you want it, like us vegans do lol. I always have to have a thing or two removed from menu items because it's not vegan, so if something like cheese or something makes you uneasy just tell them to hold the cheese please.

And that's not even ED behavior, it's smart too. Making healthy choices when you eat, isn't a bad thing.

I know the whole idea of eating is scary, altogether, but do the best you can to make it less scary and upsetting.

And yeah, I live close to Illinois, only about an hour and a half drive from my house... and we had shitty weather too. Severe thunderstorms and all kinds of crap, it sucked because I'm deathly afraid of thunderstorms, they make my stomach do flips...especially because we get lots of tornadoes around this area.

 

ouch tornadoes are probably in my top 5 fears EVER. :/

 

that's obvious!

you starve yourself to death and then come here and say the same thing over and over with your friend apple girl who does the exact same thing...

my two cents - i think the majority of eating disorders are self-inflicted and psychological torment. most girls your age have eating disorders because you pressure yourself to fit some kind of social conditioning that all girls should look like sticks.

trust me- guys don't want that anyway. and don't tell me you don't care about what people think. it's obvious. we all do.

 

i dont even know what to say to you because you have no idea what your talking about. im not aspiring to be a nicole richie look-a-like.

and dont tell me its self inflicted- because beleive me- the second i can stop this mind game, im going to.

weatherman, i understand the image you might be seeing and so i cant really blame you. you make up 95 percent of people. if we 'bother' you so much, then just dont come here. all your causing is tension and im tired of defending myself to yet another person. from now on im just going to ignore any more of your demeaning posts and act as if it isnt there.



i would think that you reading these posts might influence and at the very least, educate you a little bit. no one here is HAPPY with whats going on.

 

how many times do peole have to say this, its called a forum for a REASON, not everyones goign to have the same opinion, SO WHAT!! jesus :]

 

Firstly, happy birthday dietcoke tree. Many happy returns on the day.

Secondly, it's in the 90s in TX at the moment and has been most days since May. I'm English though so I don't think I'm made for this damn weather though. Thankfully, it hasn't broken 100 all that much yet (at least officially).

Thirdly I'm trying to live by this diet that the nutritionist has given me. The problem is I get this terrible gut ache after I've eaten and was sick yesterday evening (not forced, it just happened). I also feel like crap after I eat, like I'm letting myself down. Any suggestions anyone?

 

i definately don't do this to impress anyone but myself... thanks to coming here, discussing and reading, i'm starting to understand it more and realize there are a lot of things that helped to trigger my behavior.

it's definately about physical size, all the people i admire (because they're intelligent, kind, beautiful people) are tiny little girls that i personally know. so, i do want to be like them.

but it's a control thing too. i have things in my life happen that i have no control over (bad things. my dad dying, not being able to be in school because of schizophrenic-like instances i still haven't figured out, my mom's asshole boyfriend being an asshole, my mom being an asshole, people moving away and dying, running away, blah blah blah, i don't want to play the victim). when i notice i'm smaller than i was last week, because of something i (this isn't the right word to use) chose to do, i feel powerful.

well, i have to go, so, i love you guys
and i hope the birthday dinner goes well!
if you feel like you can't do it think about us and how much we want you to get better .

 

Just ignore that guy, from now on.

Anyway...
AIABBW: Congratulations on the improvement, or trying to improve and following what you're nutritionist said. That's a very brave, huge step, and in time those feelings will go away... both the physical sick feeling, and the "letting yourself down" feeling will go away.

I would expect within a week of following his or her plan for you, your body will start to adjust and you won't feel as physically sick after you eat.

However, the emotional feelings might take a little longer to get through, there really isn't much advice to give except HANG IN THERE. You need to realize and actually believe in your heart, that you're NOT letting yourself down, that you are in fact doing quite the opposite of letting yourself down... You're helping yourself, and getting healthy.

They are called nutritionists for a reason, they care about nutrition and health, so they aren't out to make you fat, or unhealthy. Keep eating to the plan, and do exercise because exercise is important to EVERYONE, but DON'T over do it.

You're doing good... you've gotten past one of the most difficult parts, by following the plan in the first place. I'm SO happy to hear that :-D