"Inappropriate behavior" in a freind's kid

I have a very good freind. I love her dearly, I love her son, who is my son, Lennon's age (Lennon is almost 15 and this boy, let's call him Danny, is 14) and I adore the family.

Here's the thing. I have noticed some "inappropriate" touching, when he is around my 6 year old dd Sage. It almost seems innocent, but he kinda grabs her, and a few times has pulled her onto the floor, while "Tickling" her. She was about 3 when he started doing this, and I, kindly, put a stop to it. I asked her if it bothered her when Danny did this, and she said he was playing.

We now have a rule that "We only play downstairs." Danny, basically, is not allowed in Sage's room. He never touched her private parts, never scared her, was never mean to her, just something made ME uncomforable.

My friend kinda APed, but, she uses a variety of "camps" and 5 or 6 different day cares, when Danny was younger. He has gone off to Boy Scout Camp (I wouldn't let Lennon within 100 miles of a Boy Scout camp) he goes off to "Church Camp" (again, these scare the SHIT outta me, one of my other kids was "invited" to one, and the "rules" included NO CONTACT with parents, the parents were not allowed to visit, no phone calls, to or from the parents, no "questions" were alllowed to be asked about their rules or their counselors, ect. An other place I wouldn;t allow my kids to go to, even if I was dead.) and he is going to "Boys Dance Camp" this summer, as well. :H As he has almost every summer for many years. He will be gone more than a month in all. This makes my friend's work schedule "easier" but I am afraid for this little boy. He seem preoccupied a lot of the time. He has the worst ADHD I have ever seen, and I have seen a lot. My freind dosen't ask questions of the right people, like the Church Camp and WHO is watching the kids at Boy Scout or Dance Camp.

I tried to talk to her about it. She MUST have realized that Danny's ability to run around our house is limited, and he plays more with Sage than with Lennon, and he is a smart kid. Something isn't right. She doesn't want to hear it. She "Trusts" her Church. She "Trusts" Boy Scouts "Maggie, it's the Scouts, they got rid of the Pedophiles years ago." She "Trusts" the "Boys Dance Camp." I don't, but he isn't my child.

All I can do is to be as kind to the child as possible, and to watch him around Sage. (Bear knows this and agrees.) He is a GOOD kid, but something is not good that is happening go him.

Any thoughts?

 

it's probably not the camps, I'd suspect a close family member or friend has violated this child's personal space and he sees absolutely nothing wrong with doing the same to other children. And when it's someone close to the parent, she is likely to make up excuses and not believe it happened, even if given rock solid proof. "she trusts the camp" but does she trust her own intuition or has something similar happened to her sometime in her past? All you can do is trust in your intuition, protect your own children, and show this boy and his mother kindness and respect. (((((hugs)))))

 

Thanks, mamaboogie. It may well be a freind or family member. I don't know. She is good at hiding her emotions and things like that. Sad really, as she a kind person.

But, I am still not very trusting of camps that don't allow parents contact with their children. I worry about my friend who doesn't question that maybe these places might be proving grounds for pedophiles, but I really have no way of knowing who may have violated this child. This kid is signed up for THREE of camps this summer. Even one would be too much, in my book. I am worried that things will get worse when he does return home.

 

Mama vibes are the best vibes~~ If something is letting you read into this boy,Danny, maybe it is for a good reason. I agree, I would never dream of letting my girls go where there is no outside contact...That is just not right for so many different ways. It makes it harder when they are close friends of the family....but that certainly doesn't help unfortunately either. A 15 Year old boy, shouldn't be tickling a little girl, anyhow, or even be interested in playing with her Good Luck, and keep those good Mama vibes on!

 

If you really feel uncomfortable then it's your call. Talk to your daughter, see how she feels. has she been acting differently? has he? Has he done anything (besides tickling...?) does he say things that might seem strange?

if I may ask, why do you think these particular camps may be proving grounds for pedophiles?

 

One person, one time, can warp a person forever Even if his mom believed you, and your intuition is right, it would be nearly impossible to figure out who did what, and the poor kid probably doesn't even remember. i think you're doing the right thing by just keeping a close eye on your kids, the boy shouldn't be punished for something that may have been done to him, but he shouldn't be allowed to pass on something so ugly either. It's one of those things you just have to balance, even with kids/people who don't act suspicious. It's a very fine, frustrating line between trusting people, and being cautious.

 

Maybe he is in his 'curious' age and Sage is the only one he thinks he can explore....I think it's a good thing you're watching him around her.
Maybe at one of these camps, another child has touched him. It isn't always an adult. With no contact with home....he may just want to keep an incident like this from his mother if she doesn't talk to him as soon as it happens.
I went to a couple types of camps when I was younger....mainly ones around here....4H camp, Church camp, Conservation camp....and the church camp always had the most 'interesting' events. No one expects the children there to be bad....but most of them are. No parents, trusting counselors....it wouldn't surprise me if something did happen to this child at a church camp (If they're anything like the church camps I've been to).
I guess all you can do is keep being the best person you can to this child and maybe one day he'll trust you enough to come to you with any problems he may have. Just be there and let him know he can trust you. Maybe he feels like he doesn't have anyone to talk to about anything that's happening. He's at a weird stage and may not trust his parents enough to talk with them.
Maybe he, Bear, and Lennon can have a 'boys night' and he'll see that he can trust Bear enough to come to.

 

Always trust your intuition. You are picking up the off vibes coming from Danny's mind as he tickles Sage. You are aware, and its not something to be ignored.

Maggiesugar, are you getting that warning instinctive/psychic feeling in your gut or your chest? Just curious...Anyway...

Whatever it is, I think it is good that you are watching him. There is no harm in being extra cautious. Maybe next time he is over you can talk to him, and maybe find out if something has happened to him....I dont know if that would piss off his mother, or if your relationship with him is not that close...

Goodluck!

 

This is totally unbelievable!!! There is no way my children are ever going somewhere they aren't allowed to call me or that I am not allowed to just show up at any time to see what's going on. That sounds criminal! Why in the world would any parent agree to those rules????


Maggie, always trust your gut. You know that. Doesn't matter what he's done or hasn't done to your little girl...yet. You the mama.

 

Yep, that's what I am doing. Danny trusts Bear, but he seem to trust anybody (not that he shouldn't trust Bear, he's known him since birth and really likes him a lot, and Bear is good buddies with the boy's dad.) His dad is a nice dude (I know it wasn't' him) but has some blinders on about the Boy Scouts, like my friend does about the Church Camps. "But, it's the BOY SCOUTS." or "But, it't our CHURCH." Like that somehow is LESS likely to be a pedophile problem. *sigh* No, Bear won't talk to the boy's dad about it, dudes like his dad just don't really talk. Bear just won't do it. And if I am wrong......eek.

I've talked to her, we have had talks about "good touching" and "uncomfortable touching" and she said that Danny never did anything to her. He never says anything inappropiate around me. But, most kids won't talk about this stuff. If his parents "Trust" these damn camps, he may feel he can't.

All I can do is to keep an eye on my dd. Let Danny know I care about him, and eventually TRY to talk to my friend again.

Thank you all so much.

 

History and the opportunity that these type of camps and the people who sometimes work in them have. Not al, but ONE is all it takes. I know too many people who were assaulted at camps like this, and the lack of contact with the parents makes me suspicious.

Look in the news, the Boy Scouts are a veritable free run for pedophiles. As are some people who work in "youth services" in some churches, bands, and athletic camps. But that isn't really want this thread to be about. There has been enough in the news about the pedophiles who frequent places like these camps for me, as a mama, to not be at all comfortable with them.