I'm keeping my baby

but if i dont go back to highschool next year my mom will kick me out of the house. She also says that as soon as i graduate in may im out but my baby will be born in feburary. But I don't think that even my mother could kick out a teenage mother and a newborn, so she'll probably let me stay a little longer.

Yes, the father is sticking around and is a high school graduate but i feel like im screwing him over for by keeping this baby. he can't goto a trade school like he wants to because we'll be so desperate for money he'll have to get a job (or 2).

But what am i soposed to do for money? I can't exactly go to any school after I graduate because i need to take care of a baby. Does anyone one know of any career i could do? something maybe I could take classes for online and work at home (we won't be able to afford daycare).

My mother and my boyfriend both said they support me no matter what decision but that they feel abortion is the best. But evrynight i have dreams about this baby and its always a little girl. I was also very careless when i got pregnant and i think that i should be responsable for my actions.

 

{{{Hugs}}} You have to do what you feel is right. It's your body, and if you want this baby, the way I see it is, where there's a will, there's a way. You can make it work. I'm definitely not saying it will be easy, because that would be delusional on my part. However, there is help out there, there is support financially as well as emotionally that can give you aid during this time if you need it.

I'm sure that there are other mamas on here that can offer you better advice, or BTDT experience as far as your situation., but I just wanted to offer my support.

{{{Hugs again}}}

 

I don't think anyone can tell you what is best for you. Only you know that. Don't think you are "screwing over" your bf. He was THERE when the baby was concieved, wasn't he? He knew what could happen, and now he also has to be an adult and do whatever has to be done to be a parent. He can work in the daytime and go to trade school at night. People do this all the time. Are there Public Aid or WIC programs you can get on, to make the transition to being a full fledged adult easier on you? These programs are available everywhere. Good luck.

I hope things go well for you.

 

check out the apple prog for free or low cost day care... the wic offices have info about the ones in your area. what about becoming daycare provider certified? you can do that and keep ur kid w/ you in the same school...

 

Its your body and you make the decision of either keeping the baby or putting it up for adoption or if need be aan abortion. I think that you need to know your options befor you make any kind of decision. if you want to go to college then you should. there are colleges that have free daycare or you could take an online course. If your mother is going to kick you out when you graduate then you need go online and find a womens shelter or something simular to that. they will help you get on your feet and help you with your baby. im not sure they have this particular program where you are but my sister got a check for a couple hundred dollars for the first three months of her babies life so that she wouldnt have to work and be able to spend time with her new born. there are many many other options for you and your baby if you decide to keep him/her. if you have any questions or need to vent either pm me or email me.

 

I'm guessing you live in the US, and I don't know too much about the programs they have down there...
We are getting your daycare funded and our college. Check into funding options and yeah, also about the daycare. Some colleges also offer daycare through the school.
Perhaps if you show your mother that you're looking into as many options as you can and are working your arse off, yeah, she may let you stay longer to properly finish high school. After you've done your research and have a plan, sit down with her and explain you plans and if need be, ask if you could have just a few more months at home. Would you be able to do corispondance (sp?) school in your second semester? It'll be hard, but well worth it...
and yeah, maggie is VERY right, you bf had just as much of a part making this baby, so don't ever feel like your screwing him out of anything.
If you're not interested in going back to college youself, do see if you would be able to get certified for child care. My mom did that for a few years with my sister and I and she was able to make some money while being at home with us.

 

when I had my son I had a tutor sent out every week with my stuff... I stayed on track as everyone else. Maybe they could mail you the work every week while ur on maternity leave? And, if you can't do it yourself or they won't allow you to you could see if you could do it at a tutoring center or with a study group from your school.

 

I forgot to add, they can't discriminate you from getting the appropriate work. Maternity leave is a medical excuse and you can get a doctor's note for it if they are going to be uptight about not allowing you to finish. This could at least get you the months excused so you don't have to take the full year over again next year.

 

I almost didn't post this, but I think it's important to say.
While I respect the fact that this is your body, your life and your choice, I would like to warn you against using ^ this as your reasoning for keeping the child. For one thing (and I don't want to be unpopular here, I'm not trying to be unsupportive, but reasoning must be used here!) things don't always turn out in real life the way they do in dreams. What you're embarking upon will be very hard, and you might not always have the support of your mother and your boyfriend. This child will be your responsibility, first and foremost. You can't always depend on others, even if you think you'll be able to. Sometimes even those closest to you will disappoint you, and you need to be prepared. This is obvious, but I still thought it needed to be said.
For another thing, now that you are pregnant, whatever you do will be "taking responsibility". I've known many women in your situation - some of them chose to keep the child and be "responsible" parents. Others decided that the "responsible" thing to do would be to adopt or abort the baby. "Responsibility" can mean more than just one thing - and this was the real purpose of my message. I've known some people in my life who's parents raised them with exactly that attitude - as if taking care of them was simply a "responsibility", some form of punishment for being irresponsible to begin with.
Again, I don't mean this in any unsupportive way. I respect what you're doing, and I think anyone who so wishes can become a wonderful mother, and a loving supportive parent. But I'd like you to be sure, in this situation, that you are keeping this baby because you want to be a mother - and not because you feel like it would be the "responsible" thing to do.
Whatever happens, I'm sure you will do wonderfully! You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders, and that's a very good place to start.
Oh yeah, and don't forget to take folic acid every day!

 

i also had a tutor that brought me all my homework, gave me my tests, etc. (Missouri) State Law required it for 6 weeks before my due date, and 6 weeks after the birth, as it is considered a "homebound disability." My tutor was kind of an advocate for me, and simply let the school know that i was unable to return (because i was breastfeeding!), and i was able to finish the semester. Because i already had enough credits, i also graduated at the end of the semester So i only spent two weeks of my senior year actually in class, hehe.

i admit i have a pretty jaded view on the subject, but my opinion is that people place way too much emphasis on going to school and getting a career. i have been home since my son was born; i have three kids now, we own a house, and we're all supported by my husband's $7/hour job. So it's not impossible. We can save up for our retirement and our kids' college educations when they're out of the house. We'll never get these years, and the chance to bring up our children, back if we waste it running around trying to pay for everything. So instead we save every penny we can for groceries, and we make life as pleasant as we can. Someday we will get ahead Just not now, because it isn't priority.

 

first, find out what the homebound program is from your local school board, and how to go about finishing school at home through the public school system. It's not the same as homeschooling, and the diploma is the exact same one the kids in school will get, not a GED (if that matters to you).

Also check the yellow pages and internet for a community based program to help women in your situation. Most mid-sized and larger towns have something of that sort, but they don't advertise it because often they serve as a shelter for abused women and children as well, and you can't have too many people knowing about these things or it fails to work properly.

I know you want to keep the baby, but you also need to be informed of all the other alternatives. Learn about the adoption process with an open mind. Open private adoption is what many of my friends who found themselves in your situation chose, that way they remained part of their babies' lives.

As for the babydaddy, he is perfectly able to work full time and go to school. I did it, my DH did it, lots of people have to pay their own way through college or trade school, and they do that while working retail or some other no-skill sort of job. (my DH, with his two-year degree from trade school makes more money now than most of his friends and their four-year degrees from fancy colleges, FWIW. It's definitely a good choice to make, as long as he really loves doing the sort of work he plans to learn, and is good at it.) The baby is just as much his responsibility as it is yours, only difference is that you are the one who gets to decide whether or not to incubate the fertilized egg for the better part of a year and then give birth to it.

 

Some high schools have free day care or someone who will help you find one. Many colleges do. Possibly trade school, as well. Also, there's always night school. Just don't rule out school for you or the father yet until you take a good look at all the possibilities.

 

Don't EVER let your boyfriend or your mother pressure into abortion. If you don't want to do it....and you have any doubt in your mind right now....whether it be because of your dreams, or your heart....you'll probably regret doing it in the long run. I went through the whole 'boyfriend thinking abortion is the best' deal. Once he sees the sonogram and hears the little heartbeat, he'll change. He may still be aprehensive, but he'll change. If not, maybe you should just go at this on your own. It WILL be tough, but there are people out there willing to help you. Don't let him make you feel guilty for keeping this baby, either. He'll always be the father....but you let him know it's his choice whether or not he'll be a daddy. You can do it on your own.
About school....like the ladies have said, homebound will come to you. That way, you can do your school work and watch your baby.
Here, we have this thing called the HANDS program. These ladies that work at the health department come once a week or once a month leading up to the birth of your baby....they give you books and whatnot on what to expect during pregnancy and after childbirth. They 'prepare' you for being a mother....at least the basics, I guess. They also come once a week after the baby is born to play with it and teach it new things. They also offer a free daycare program. They offer to pay for major utilities that you may not have money for for a certain month. They even help find a low cost house.
You can work while you're pregnant. Maybe this coming school year, you can do the homebound program and get a job during the nights or whatever. Then, when you think you can handle it, get a low-income house, or check into HUD. If you can get a certificate of homelessness (I think that's how the lady explained the homeless part to me), then you can get it. There are other qualifications....you can also be a single parent with minor children....which you would qualify.
Plus, you also need to look in on getting WIC. They supply you with milk and whatnot while you're pregnant.
I wish you could just come live with me. Just because you sound like a good person, and I'm sorry you have to go through all this stress. But, you'll be ok.

(Sorry if this doesn't make sense....I already forgot what I typed....and it probably sounds really out there.)

 

first and foremost, NEVER let ANYONE decide on weither you keep your baby. It's a scary thing when someone other then yourself controls your body. if i got pregnant right now I wouldn't have much money either, but i would have lots of love to give and that's all that matters. Can't afford diapers, well use clothe diapers. that's what my mom used on me and i turned out fine. Can't afford formula? Breast feed your baby. Can't afford baby food? make it from veggies. There are so many ways to rise your baby with little money. Plus, there are many government programs out there to help you. The best thing you could do is love your baby with all your heart and prepare him or her for the world. How about you check out nursing? it's a two-year program at hospitals and universities. Hospitals rienburse you for the tuition, get an amazing sign on bonus, amazing pay, and you can pick the hours you want to work. your man can still go to school at night. Good lcuk hun

 

Are you TRYING to cause a fight?
Attatchment parenting gives kids confidence and security in themselves and makes them feel safer than leaving them to cry and suffer alone.
Go do some research before you critisize.

 

double post....opps:&

 

YAY Kirsten!!!! You da mama!

 

lol! *flexes arms*

 

you obviously don't know what the hell you are talking about, and you have never met any truly attachment parented children.


and this?

An "apprenticeship" where my DH works means you can't join the union, and will spend your days sweeping up the metal filings and weld slag that the journeymen leave behind. And they never make it up the ranks. There are helpers (because it's not reallly an apprenticeship program, those are few and far between nowadays, at least in fabrication and machine shops) who have been there for thirty years, doing the same grunt work they can't afford to pay the journeymen's wages for them to do. Sure, it pays better than min wage, but not even half what the union boilermakers make. You have no clue, do you? What does your husband do? Sit behind a desk pushing papers all day? In the real world, where people actually work for a living, a two year degree from a trade school (along with years of experience) means the difference between making 20K a year and 50K. The experience alone, or the trade school alone won't get you there, but a combination of those two things with hard work and determination sure will. IF he likes what he's doing and is good at it.

 

mamaboogie, I beleive "tribeofeight" is a man. We have seen a lot of really good papas on this forum. But, I don't beleive "tribe" understands a whit about Attachment. Sad, as he claims to have 6 kids.......Tibeofeight. read Bowbly's "Attachment and Loss" it is one of the first published treatises on what Attachment is, and he proved that real attachment is neccesary, and that the lack of it, in primates,actually leads to brain changes, emotional illness, chronic depression, inability to form mating relationships, damaged immune systems, and earlier death and higher death rates, and INABILITY to properly raise young, unless steps are taken to teach them how to parent. Hey, sounds JUST like Industrial American and Europe!!!!!

The ENTIRE world practices "attachment parenting" without giving it a name. Children, in the days before Industrialization, who were not "attachment parented" died. As do those in Non-Industrial countries, who are not attached. Look at the Foundling Hospitals in England, France and Germany in the 17th through 19th centuries, these poor abandoned babies never were able to be attached, these hospitals had 97 to99% death rates. Attachment is LIFE for infants, and neccesary for proper functioning of the Family.