wish fulfillment

still trying to deal with letting go of the ex

i keep thinking that if only things were a certain way or if he could change just a bit that things would work out between us and that we could have this happy family living happily ever after scenario

but

it's
just
never
going
to
happen

because he is who he is, and i am who i am

if i try to change him, then he wont be who he is any more and he'll resent me. and i cant be with him the way that he is now. that's just all there is to that. i think i'm finally knowing myself well enough to know that i need to be with a person who is already 'there' who doesnt need fixing or something. i've always had that 'fix it' complex. i've always felt inferior in some way, always have felt that i dont *deserve* someone who's already together, so i end up with these guys who havent grown up, or have no interest in growing. and somehow i think in my mind that because i'm always on a journey of personal growth that my partner is going to want to join me on that journey. then they just dont want to, they want to stay just the way they are. they just never grow into the person that i need them to be. why is that? ::sigh::

so...i just have to let go of this whole idea of fixing someone, and talk myself into believing that i actually do deserve to be with someone who's got their shit somewhat together

 

On Letting Go

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I
can't control another.

To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their destinies.

To "let go" is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To "let go" is to fear less, and love more.

-- Unknown

 

Well I think you're on the right track keep going the way you are and keep growing

 

thanks.

i think it would be a lot easier to let go of him if he'd let go of me. he's still wearing his freaking wedding ring. i hadnt seen him for over a week because of a vacation and then my work schedule and he didnt make any attempt at communication with me, ie asking how my vacation went, how our kid was when we were away, etc, yet he's still wearing the frikkin ring... i dont get it. it's an enigma to me. he wears my ring, but acts like a bachelor.

anyways, i've only got about another 6 months or so of separation to put in before i can file for uncontestable divorce regardless of what he wants.

 

good luck

Letting go can be quite hard, but somethings are better that way. I don't believe in changing for another or another changing for me either. Any situation where I've been in where this was a part of the relationship lead to a complete disaster and much resentment, so its better to keep living alone until I find someone whom I'm completely happy with just the way they are and they feel the same about me. Hasn't happened yet, but hopefully someday

 

I was there once.I found a great book that built my confidence.It is titled "born to win" by James and Jongward"
Dont be quick to judge it.Read it completely and find that person in you thats not only born to win but will alqays win!
This book saved my life.I was the one who was left by a woman I worshiped but always felt undeserving of her beauty and brains.This was a self fullfilling prophasy.Please try it and find yourself inside you and not be destroyed as I was.It came close to killing me but I still love her!