Marriage or not?

i could commit long term, but no paperwork for me.

 

"Civilized" world often sucks.

 

I hope to be married someday and start a family.

 

I have been married a good many years. Met him and married in a few months time. No I wasn't pregnant & we never had any kids, sometimes it just right. I have never cheated on him & I don't believe he has ever cheated on me.

 

Ya know what is weird... my boyfriend has not asked me to marry him, though we have discussed it (he has money issues with it) yet he all of a sudden started refering to me to others as his fiance... strange I think. I mean I should have at least gotten asked first. LOL not that I'd say no.

 

Maybe he proposed to you in your sleep and you said "yes" without even knowing it?

 

When I first met my partner I knew we would be together long term. I don't think marriage is a goal for us but I can't predict the future. Maggie Sugar is right. We are now in a position of buying a nice piece of land for ourself and being married may be the "esiest" way to go about it. Society places so much weight in a legal union. For some people it is the not too ideal option.

 

I definitely want to get married one day.. And have a big ole family too

 

I would love to get married and have a large family. I'm getting older, though, so I actually don't know if it will happen for me at all. I honestly think about it every single day lately. It's just horrible to think that the one thing you want more than anything else may never happen.

 

I'm attending two marriages this year (thank god not as a bridesmaid!).

I wouldn't mind it.

 

I'm actually engaged to be married.
I love my fiance, he is so open-minded, he let's me be whoever I want and doesn't place any restrictions on me. I can't let him go, he's too perfect.

 

yep im for marriage and just recently my partner and i stepped it up a notch and decided we would do it... eventually... no big rush... important thing is we know we want to grow old together...

 

I like the idea myself. So hopefully it'll happen one day.

A query I have though is about getting married in Church. My family are quite religious but I'm not. I think they might expect me to get married in church but I'd feel a bit hypocritical doing that since I only go a couple of times a year normally.

 

I've never had a guy in my life because I've never had the time for it. Since life is going pretty well without men, they're an option for me. I don't know if I ever get married. I am a very independent person who doesn't need to be guarded much. Men don't want women to dominate, and I respect that, but in most cases, I am having dominance which makes them holler.

 

I never gave marriage much thought when I was in school or college. When I graduated and started working, I knew I'd like to if I met the right person, but I also started thinking about setting up my life as if I would never marry. I've met more than one woman who put her life on hold, waiting to make big decisions for the day she got married.

I agree that marriage is a social contract, and it greases the wheels of daily transactions (purchasing a home, insurance, etc.), but I also think that standing before your deity of choice and your chosen friends and family, and making that vow public gives it weight. This is, of course, only one philosophy, but stick with me a bit. This social contract-style of commitment has physical and mental health benefits for both people - there are long-term benefits. But being in a long-term relationship isn't always about love and flowers. It gets hard. There are times when you might reeeally dislike that person. And just "being together" makes it so much easier to just walk away when things get hairy. When you've made that social contract, perhaps it makes you stick it out through the unpleasantness. And at the end, it is worth it.

I'll tell you why I think this and then I'll shut up: I've read countless stories of long-married couples, and there was not one of them that didn't have a story like, "Man, about 15 years ago we almost split up - I hate her/him. But we stuck it out, and we're so happy that we did." Seriously! I can't think of a "couple" story where they said, "Oh, we've been in absolute bliss for 37 years! It's been a big fun fancy party the whole time!"

 

I want to get married because it makes more sense than just a long term partnership. In the career I plan on going into, I'm going to have to move around a lot. That would leave the partner out unless he wanted to relocate and find a job on his own dime. However, if I was married, then he would be moved with me and have help with job placement, especially overseas. Though hopefully I would marry someone also in the foreign service because otherwise it'd just be tough unless I married someone who wouldn't freak out about being a house husband.

Also, government insurance is pretty good and I'd definitely want my partner on the plan.

My parents have been married for 25 years and been together for 32 so really it never crossed my mind to not want to get married.

 

I want to get married. I do agree that the legally-binding aspect of it makes you give your decision to leave said commitment more weight than if you just decided you'd had enough in a bf/gf relationship.

Not to mention, for my child's sake, I'd like to give her all of the benefits of a married parental set. Insurance, no wise-cracks from students, no shit from teachers/doctors. I know how it was for me growing up having a different last name from my mom. It was hell. And I wouldn't want to put my baby through that.

Plus, it's hard enough for me right now, taking her to the doctor, signing forms for Moire R. when my name is Holly S. They do look at you funny. Like you're immature.

 

Holly, I hope, because you want to, you two get married soon. But, the last name thing is different, depending on where you live. I live near Chicago. When ever I have to sign up myself and my family for something they ask for EACH child's "last name' "and what is Sunshine's last name?" "And what is Lennon's last name?" Ect. They do this EVERY TIME I take someone to the pediatrician, and we have been going there for decades. We all have the same last name, Bear, Me and all four kids, and people act like we are freaks, really. I think the area that different people live in has different expectations. But, I have heard kids complain that everyone in their family has a different last name. One of Moon's freinds couldn't get over the fact that all 6 of us had the same last name. There are 5 kids in her family ALL different last names, all differnt than mom's last name, except the oldest one.

 

What insurance benifits do you get for the kid by being married? I am honestly completely baffled by that idea. I mean, I understand how once I was married to my husband, I was included on his medical insurance (we were living in Ohio)... but wouldn't a kid be able to be added to both parents medical insurance even if they weren't married? The whole insurance thing goes over my head.

 

I don't think the kid gets any different medical coverage if the parents are married or not. You can both elect to put the child on your insurance and then they would have double but you can do that whether you are married or not. Though the insurance for either you or your spouse if one person is out of work is a good thing, especially if one plans to stay at home with the children and raise them. Then they would need to be healthy.

What I don't understand is why everyone thinks that it is so hard to get a divorce after getting married. Wasn't hard for me at all. It took about 1 day to do all of the research for my state and write up my own separation agreement and go to the notary and sign it and drop it off at the court house. Cost about $40 for the court to process the paperwork. I showed up for 1 hour (though the actual time in court was all of maybe 10 minutes) and told them that I want my maiden name and that I'm not running from the law or financial judgements and the judge was like ok cool, have a nice life. It wasn't hard for me at all. It was hard on my parents but that is because they both have mental problems and that is thier issue to deal with not mine. But I'd just much rather be happy than wake up wanting to kill myself every day for a stupid mistake I made when I was 18. Now granted, knowing what I know now, I never would have gotten married like that to begin with, I did it out of rebellion type deal and I wasn't even in love with the person. I said to my best friend on my wedding day that I'd just get divorced in a couple of years, and I rarely ever had sex with this person, actually started dating someone else shortly into our marriage, so mine wasn't like it is supposed to be. It wasn't for love or hell even for money. It was to prove a point, which my stupid parents still don't get so I gave up trying to prove my points and just be happy with myself.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I still don't see how getting married though would stop anyone from getting divorced or make it harder to walk away. I'm just like that I don't give a shit what my family and friends think, if I'm not happy then I'm outta here. That being said I've stuck by my boyfriend through the hardest 6 years of both of our lives and I don't see us ever giving up so easily, but we stay together because we want to be not because there have been any vows in front of an audience or a god. I really think people who want to make things work, will and those who don't will either get out of a relationship at all costs or stay in it and be miserable. Either way its up to them.