is free love cruel?

is it emotionally manipulative and cruel to get very involved with someone yet insist on being free and keeping my options open?

i've always felt that as long as i'm very clear about it, they can decide for themselves whether the situation is hurtful to them and leave if it is, but lately i've started to have doubts after comments like 'be careful not to break his heart'

is consent over-rated? i mean, i've started to think its not actually that easy, that maybe if someone really likes you they wouldnt want to stop seeing you, but may still feel vulnerable if you make no commitment to them....

any thoughts?

 

Well, your scenario indicates a profound ideological gap. Should one party in a relationship surrender his/her lifestyle for another's? That would be the reverse equation. Should you then surrender your much valued sexual freedom so your partner's feelings won't be hurt?

Obviously, one of the two parties would have to compromise on something.

I basically think if open relationships are consentual, they couldn't be called cruel. That doesn't mean they couldn't be problematic.

 

if both parties are ok with an open or closed relationship, it's fine

it's when there's disagreement as to the nature of the relationship,what's allowed and what's not, that's when problems arise.

Is your partner genuinely ok with it? How does he feel about it? Those are things you need to discuss with him

 

I think as long as you're honest with the person about your intentions and they decide that they're still ok with it then there's nothign wrong with it.
if on the other hand you told him/her you really liked him/her and wanted to be with them just to get into their pants then it's wrong.
Also if at any point you start feeling like that isn't enough and you want something closed, that has to discussed too.
You just have to make sure you're honest with the people you're loving.

 

thats the thing though....
he says he's ok with the situation, but lately i've started to think that he's becoming very attached to me, things like talking to my housemate about whether i've got other 'boyfriends' back at home....

so i know that in love no sigle partner is responsible both both partner's emotional wellbeing, but in this situation should i just end it?

do you see what i mean though? that if he's falling for me, he might not so simply have the emotional rationality and discipline to protect himself from what i am making clear, that i want an open relationship?

maybe i'm being absurd...... maybe i should relax and enjoy the sex and take the 'every man for himself' attitude

 

Free love is fine as long as you are upfront about it and it stays free....meaning if you notice the other person starting to get too serious about it and trying to change your relationship the best thing to do is walk away.

Some people do well in "free love" situations, and some do okay for a while...the hard part is when the other person starts getting attached.....I have been there, and the best thing I could do was walk away, I was honest about what I wanted and it worked great until the "I love you's" started. I didnt love him and never would, so why would I lie to him and stay.

 

It's fine if both parties are always aware of the standing of the relationship. I've seen too many times where one person develops real feelings for the other, but is afraid to tell, or the other person knows but uses them...etc. Always, always be up front with your feelings, and encourage them to do the same. That way hearts don't get broken.

 

if both people involved understand what they are getting into, then it's ok. If one person is trying to find his/her wife/husband and the other person is just flowing in life, then it won't work and someone will get hurt. I'm flowing right now in life.

 

The decision of open sexuality take both parties in agreement to work. If both sides are not in agreement on the situation to be open or closed then nothing but hurt and disaster can ensue eventualy. An open relationship take both sides to work. Otherwise one will get jealous/angry/resentful of what is going on.

 

I think if im up front about what I want in my relationship and my intentions, I'll be for the best. I can only control my own feelings.

I give my peace and I give my love.

 

The problem is they hang on thinking they can change you.

 

I think that if you want to preserve this "free love" relationship, you should encourage your boyfriend to see other girls too. That way, he won't have all his sexuality and emotions tied up in just one person (ie: you) so he won't need to turn to your for validation and security every time he needs/wants a boost.

Also, if he has other girls on the side, it helps put him in the same mindset as you are -- just enjoying beautiful souls on this trip 'round the galaxy.

 

I think everyone has to be upfront with the intentions of the relationship. I don't think people are honest enough anyways. As long as everyone's honest and on the same page, then it's not cruel.

 

whats the big deal, just have fun

 

What about free chicken?

 

I agree with Vegan Girl.

 

agreed, honesty is where its at, then its all fun!

 

As long as the other people your involved with understand the situation, no. Anyone who you get involved with, who is opposed to the idea should be told upfront that relationships are't your thing. Honesty is really the only way to make the sensible and work out in the long run.

 

it's best to limit your free love to partners who share the same philosophy of free love. if you get involved with somebody who doesn't feel the same way and rationalize it by saying your being honest about it, some people say that's ok but I disagree. that's not really free love, there's usually control games going on, and people get hurt. and if you aren't interested in partners who also like free love, perhaps you should question wether that's really what you want either.