My lil girl will be 3 in September. I consider her a bright child...dont we all. She is such a beautiful little spirit and loves to explore, and be a very outspoken and imaginative child. Lately she has been learning about things dying. We were walking to the store the other day and she saw a dead dove on the sidewalk. "The bird die, mama", she says very serious. "Its not happy, it die". I tried explaining to her that death was not bad, and that the birds body died but its spirit "passed on" to heaven. And that heaven was a good and happy place. This morning when she woke up this first thing she said to me "The bird die". Its hard trying to explain to her these things. I kinda want to say that the dove is sleeping, but she is too smart for that + im lying. She also says just the weirdest things like "Papa's brother died, he died". She even said it at my massage school in front of like 15 people. Everyone kind of raised there eyebrows. My husbands brother isnt dead...And she talks about her falling in the pool and not getting out! She even sings a very eerie but beautiful song that goes kinda like this "You cant die in the water, no you dont die in the water". So any advice about this kind of stuff would be appreciated. She seems to be processing alot. Thanks
An open & honest discussion about what death is and what you feel happens to ones soul would be a good place to start, but it sounds like you've already done that. It sounds like she's processing this right now, and it might just take a few months for her to work out how she feels about this. Might I recommend a few books? The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, by Leo Buscaglia and Badger's Parting Gifts, by Susan Varley are two of my absolute favorites. They both deal well with death in a child-friendly but not dumbed-down way. And one other favorite we have used is: Help Me Say Goodbye, by Janis Silverman. It is full of ideas and ways to express grief in a healthy way. We found this especially helpful for my son when his great-grandmother died. (He was 4 at the time) love, mom
I too have little ones the same age. Twin girls who will be 3 in August. I think they truly understand...kind of in their own innocent way. The other day we were walking outside, and they spotted a bird that our cat had killed. They stood in awe, and said " he not nice", meaning the cat. And also said.."little red birdie sad,mum." And it broke my heart. I try to explain to the best I can, without making it all seem so scary. They catch on to things and learn things so fast. I just think as a parent it seems like they are too young to understand, but we forget that our babies are growing up and realizing a lot more than we think they do! I believe telling the truth is always the best.
My cousin had to explain to his children the passing of his mom to them last January. He took them to the wake and had them come up one at a time (all the family went in 2 hours before the wake started), and let them bid their good byes. He explained that grandma had to leave because her body just couldn't handle the earth anymore, but her spirit wasn't dead. He told them she'd gone to a better place where she'd have a better body (she had breast cancer). He explained how she'd died and asked them if they had any questions about it. They both said they understood pretty well (One is 5, the other 3.), but that it still isn't fair that THEIR grandma had to die. I suppose once a child witnesses a death, it's easier to explain, then ask if they have any questions about it. I don't think the way my cousin handled it was morbid, he told the kids if they didn't want to see grandma they didn't have to. It took them about an hour to warm up to the idea.
when my daughter's great great grandma passed away last year at 100 years old, we took kai to her wake. kai examined her gramma, said good bye, and said of gramma's children "they miss her." she seemed to have a good grasp on the concept. death isn't something that should be hidden. it makes it morbid and scary. it's sad, but it's not evil.
My kids are aware of death and that it's a part of life. I don't want to have scoop up little broken hearts whenever a goldfish dies...so i decided that it was best that they know the truth. I also use it as a life lesson. Whenever we see an animal that's been whacked by a car, I warn them that that's what happens when you go into the street, especially without an adult holding their hand. They are now very cautious to never enter the street with someone there to escort them.
i gave/give my kids the basics. something dies, they biodegrate back into the earth. just this morning, my 4 yo found a dead mouse and we talked about how every living things dies. that's just a part of life. i never insert the words, "sad" or "bad" or anything like that. it's just life. period. everything has to die, and that is not a bad thing, it's just proof that nature is still working right
