Booty calls....

I have 2 partners that more or less the only time I see them is when they call for a booty call.

I feel a little guilty or perhaps more to the point like a whore.

In both of their cases it is what they can work into their schedule that coincides with mine.

One of them is married so he only has time when he can skip away. Some of this is a good subject for it's own discussion but really he says that they have an open marriage (Ya' I know if I talked with her it may be a different story.

The other works nights & I work days so we are as Leslie Feinburg said of people who work days & nights in hir latest book we are in separate worlds.
Evenings is the common point.

I don't want a permanent monogamous relationship so in some ways these make sense.
I am getting a fairly steady outlet for my sexual energy aside from the issue I mentioned in my previous posts. It is absolutely great with my friend who is married, he really knows how to treat a lady.

I am new on the dating scene having just gained my freedom after being in a mostly monogamous relationship since 1981 so I am perhaps a little behind times with this kind of thing. I also know that I just can't be the only one to be in tis kind of thing. Am I over thinking this?

 

that's because you are being used. They are not treating you like a human person, they are treating you like some sort of inflatable sex doll they can take out of the closet when it's convenient for them. Screw that! You don't have to enter into a heavy monogamous relationship to be treated with respect. You do have to put a stop to being treated poorly by men. You are not an object, you are a person, and you should demand to be treated as such.


Maybe you are overthinking it. How do you feel about it? If you feel bad about it, ever, it's time to change things. How do you want to be treated? What kind of relationship do you really want? Figure that out, and then make it happen.

 

No disrespect but if you feel like a whore,it shouldn't be because you're fucking two different guys. It should be because one of them is married. If he's in an open relationship then why do your encounters have to be whenever "he can skip away?"

And he knows how to treat a lady alright. Just ask his wife...lol

 

You are absolutely correct about this, drumminmama. I have believed in polyamoury for years & when we opened up my last relationship it breathed enough life into our relationship to keep us together for nearly another 3 years after we would have broken up otherwise. That was my primary relatiionship & I always gave it precedence. I couldn't respect a partner who didn't put the primary relationship first be it one that they have with me or one that they have with their life partner & I'm the satelitte. I really do know where he is coming from with this

I am listening to the bad feeling. I know that our intuition is there for a perpose. I do have problems with defining what it is that is troubling me thogh. Having multiple partners just goes with the territory when you are bi & act on it. OK both of them are male but, well does it matter what gender one's multiple partners? It just may be that I want more things besides sex from them as you mentioned. I could see it once in a while with y. Married. Honestly I'm not sure it would work out with Mr. Nocturnal but that may just be a reflection of the frustration I am feeling about his loosing erection when it comes down to doing the act. They both are neet guys. Mr. Married is possibly more fun to be with but then again that is just because his personality is so vivacious. I do kind of wonder if he isreally being on the level with his wife. I have met her, I used to work across trhe street from where she manages a deli. She seems to be a nice lady, He tells me that she has lost interest in sex & that is his reason for "traveliing".

I have to go I'll continue this later.

Thanks for listening & the advice

 

I hear you ... I was what I thought was the primary in two different open relationships -- but in one, the fellow became too controlling of what I did, and in the other the fellow didn't really care. In both, we only ever met "when he could make time."

I put up with feeling like a used tissue, until I was very upset. The controlling fellow got a harsh talking-to, and the uncaring one got the boot. Both fellows are now on my list of exes.

Even when the entire relationship is free, being put on the back burner does sort of make a girl feel like booty call ... even if she's actually not.

 

this isn't good, right nor healthy for you. That is why you are feeling like a whore, not that you are one or that you are even slutty but just that this way of life is obviously not the most healthy for you. If you do not want a relationship that's fine but for your health and peace of mind you need to find a better way of life because this is obviously not working for you. I would break it off with both and be alone until you know what you want. (((hugs)))

 

Well, I haven't heard from either of them since I wrote this. Which is OK with me right now. I have been so busy that if they called I wold tell them, "Sure come over & help me pack for my upcoming move."

I am in general feeling better about them. I went on a date with a lady that I have been trying to get to know better & while we were chatting & she asked me what I wanted in a relationship it occurred to me that I don't want much more commitment. Booty calls are an outlet even if it is sporadic. OK, sure it would be nice to go on a date with one of them once in a while but I also don't want an obligation to a sex partner of either gender just now.
I look at them as members of my circle & I suppose that somewhere in the future I will have a stable poly relationship but just now I need to be as much a single girl as I can & the very part time nature of a relationship that is like this isn't really so bad.