Relationships.....someone enlighten me please!!!

I was just thinking about the actual point of having a relationship with someone?! Wondered if anyone had a good point to say, as to why we put ourselves through such weird situations of, well pretty much a bit of happiness for a while then pain?! This isn't like one of those *My relationships just gone wrong so someone tell me the point of them in the frist place* As that isn't the case, i was simply thinking for too long and too hard! I did come to the conclusion that, i really didn't understand the point of them! Confussion more than anything, because someone always seems to get hurt! I know they have their good times, otherwise, yeah, no one would ever get themselves into them in the frist place! I just wanted to know why people feel this need to be in one (I'm including myself in *people* there by the way) *My point would be, i love spending time with a certain someone, and if only it could be THAT simple! I hate the way these shit complications ALWAYS seem to pop in like jealousy, or crappy in depth feelings after that sort of *honeymoon period* as they call it! I hate the way one person always seems to like the other more (in my case that's usually me, tuh!) which can (usually does) leads to that person being hurt! I just wish for once that it could just be this simple, complication free relationship! You like someone, they like you, you enjoy spending time together, thats the end of the story! Then all these questions come up about Commitment and Attachments blah blah blah!!!

Somebody PLEASE say something possitive and give me some obvious answers!!!

Thanx

x x x x x

(Bit of a crazy rant there, but i had to let something out and get some possitive feedback from all you lovely, loved up guys, hehe, thanx you!!!)

 

Procreation? That's the only purpose I can see...

 

Procreation......i'm not totaly sure what you mean by that?! Is that the ONLY reason you see in them??

x x x x x

 

Procreation means making babies

Yeah, that's the reason why we experience the emotions associated with partnership like love, jealousy, obsession. It's why we go through the whole mating ritual of relationships. What else?! The emotions are just things we experience incidental to the biological imperative of passing on our genes.

You can dress it up any way you like, but if you're looking for a meaningful point or a purpose to relationships, or any aspect of existence for that matter, there isn't one! It's all just random futility and interesting arrangements of chemicals...

 

Hope!!!

The hope that we'll find someone we can share joy and honesty with through all the good stuff and all the shit. The things wedding vows are made of!

And after all, don't you just feel that much better being with someone? And better still knowing you're making them feel good?


But anyway, enough cheese from the monkey...

 

Sounds like you've had some bad experiences that have put you off. In the perfect relationship, both people feel love for each other. In my opinion true love is absolute, either you love someone or you don't, and you really know it when it happens. Its incredibly rare and many people dont ever experience it, but when it does happen it seems to usually be mutual. Probably in the situations you've been in, one or both of you didn't truly love the other.

If you both did love each other, you would have found someone to share the rest of your life with, to trust absolutely, to share your deepest thoughts and secrets with, and to share the most wonderful experiences with. Thats why we do it. The only remaining danger is that once you find that love, you don't realise how incredibly rare it is... if you do find true love, you must make your relationship the most important thing in your life and not shy away because it may be the only chance you ever get. You risk the chance of being badly hurt but if you don't take the risk, you will never find love and always be lonely.

I've been lucky enough to twice find love in my life and twice I've made silly mistakes and lost it. Older and wiser now, I hope I get a third chance and get it right this time!

 

Then how do you explain homosexuality?


I believe it's all about fear...not all about fear, but about the need
to keep stimulating in your body the touch, the confort and leaving
behind the possibility of getting old lonely.

I see the point of being together.
I see the point of sharing. And that would and is and will always be
the only reason why I search for it.
I don't like silly games either, or jealousy or anything alike.
I just don't get the reason why people who don't trust you
keep on trying to have something with you.

Total trust, partnership...that's the only way I can see it happening.

 

Yeah, I should have said "biological imperative, driven by procreation". If you think about it, and assuming a genetic factor, male gayness would not exist unless it were passed on by heterosexual females on the X chromosome and were somehow beneficial to the survival of the species. One theory is that "male gayness" consists of nothing more than a genetic tendency to be extremely attracted to men, and that this tendency can be present in both men and women. Women who have it tend to procreate more than those who don't, and men who have it are attracted to men and become an evolutionary blind alley. But because it is beneficial to procreation in women, male gayness continues to be passed down both to their sons and daughters, by heterosexual women.

So homosexual relationships are just as much the result of a genetic biological imperative as heterosexual ones.

 

Exactly. I'm very happy in my current relationship, and have been for the last six and a half years. However, I know that the only reason that I'm able to get on so well with my partner is becuase of the patience and tolerance that I learned in my last hellish relationship. Think of every bad relationship as helping to prepare you for the good ones. They all teach you something.

Oh, and don't pay any attention to Showmet. He doesn't believe in Father Christmas, either

 

I was the one who made the little girls cry by telling them it was just some fat bloke with a fake beard. True story!

 

Ha! You're soooooooo predictable However, I have to admit I never knew Frank Dobson was Father Christmas......

 

Wow, thanx everyone!!! I knew you guys would have possitive things to say! I guess i've just been in one of those, *whats the point of all this* kinda mood! It all seems to confuse me a lot more than i want it to, becasue i'm putting myself into a situation where i don't know the outcome, but i fear it because of past relationships! I just want things to be as simple as they sound, but i know that doesn't usually happen! I just hate the way i think about things sometimes, or should i say, the way others see the way i'm thinking and tell me things like *I'm making more effort* and shouldn't! I then get confused as to where's the limit on making an effort for someone and when is it equal, e.t.c! I hate mind games aswell, there can be exciting to an extent, but other than that they cause too much confusion!!! I totally agree with that though-that i learn from bad times, and i've been realising and learning that more and more lately! So all good is bad really

Thanx everyone
Lots of loves

x x x x x

 

relationships are important because you learn about yourself and others through them. so, when you meet someone who you may consider spend the rest of your life with, you have to knowledge to cope with every day things and make sure you dont make the same mistakes you made in the past with other relationships. i think that's the whole point.

sometimes things get complicated and you dont know what to do, that is just part of the experience of having a relationship. if you're lucky to find your ideal person, with whom you see things in a different light, that's just bless...i'm sure it can happen to everyone.

 

Firstly, you should always be making 100% effort for someone you love and nothing less. If you are worried that yourpartner isnt making as much effort, it could just be that they have fallen for some nonsense about 'treat them mean' or 'play hard to get' (like you said, mind games) or it could be that they just dont truly love you.

Since there is no place for mind games in a genuine relationship and since any serious relationship must involve absolute openness and honesty, all you have to do is ask the other person why it is that they behave in the way they do and explain to them exactly what you are worried about. (but make it very clear that you arenot accusing them of something bad - just that you want to understand better)

Usually you very quickly reach an understanding and realise you were worrying about nothing if you do this. Relationships without good communication result in paranoia, worry and ultimately failure or unhappiness. The sort of problems you are talking about never occur if you discuss the issues on your mind with your partner all the time and tell them about everything that you think. If they can't handle that then they are not the one for you anyway!

Chris

 

Indeed. Because we're all perfect human beings.

Or they could just be imperfect.

Indeed. But most 'mind games' are simply people confused by their emotions.

I'm a huge advocate of openness and honesty in relationships, but expecting most people to achieve this is unrealistic.

This assumes that the other person actually understand themself well enough to be aware of the reasons behind their behaviour. This level of self-awareness is rare.

Which is exactly why very few people are in happy, healthy relationships.

Bullshit. I agree that discussing the issues with your partner is essential, but you're assuming a level of understanding between two people that seldom exists. Discussion isn't enough by itself to overcome ingrained behaviour patterns. Assuming that your partner is "not the one for you" just because they have difficulty communicating is the height of patronising arrogance. And who's to say that the simple act of communicating puts your own behaviour above reproach? It may well be that you're behaving in ways that feed the cycle, but are unable to see it. A bit more understanding of your partner's behaviour and your own may be a good idea before you go assuming that they're "not the one for you". Perhaps you're "not the one for them".

 

Thanx again everyone! The thing is though, this isn't like a major relationship, it's not even like we are *Attached* to each other, if that makes sence! It's just someone i'm getting to know more and more, but it's hard due to different thoughts on what we want right now (Which i think might be a lot to do with his past, very long, relationship) and also a big distance thing! I think that's where the whole *who's putting more effort in* and stuff comes in, because i really couldn't call this a love relationship so that's what i meant by stupid thoughts like *How far should you go to make an effort*?! To me i'd probably go to most lengths, but i know that's because i'm a sucker, haha! So i understand what you say, that is should be 100% effort, but I don't feel it's at any sort of stage to be making that desicion! I think i'm finiding it hard because i DONT know whats going on, but in a way i don't wanna know, i prefere to leave things and see what happens! That's why i look at it in a simple way, *I like someone, they like me, (I hope, ha!) We like spending time together, end of story* I guess thats why i'm asking you lot all these stupid questions in the first place to just let a few things out, hehe! Thanx again guys

x x x x x

 

just enjoy the moment in those opening stages of a relationship, don't worry too much about where it's going if you can help it and things tend to turn out rosy, it's what you do after the honeymoon period that really counts. IMHO anyway...

 

Hehe, thanx for that monkey That's what i AM worrying about, the bit after that, haha! That's what i mean though, seeing it simply, not trying to worry!!!

Thanx

x x x x x

 

I don't fucking know. I would trade all my toes for the answer though.

 

Wow, haha, sounds as though you wanna know the answer more than me!

x x x x x