waiting for marriage...

Here is one way of looking at it:
Only a very specific type of male can go for the hypothetical 2 years without sex (ie:dating/engagement).

Therefore, you're severely limiting your dating pool to what the fucking section of the world calls dorks.

 

I definitely am not the type to "wait until marriage," but I can respect people who want to.

I do know a person who vowed not to even kiss a man until she was married to him. That was prudishness to the max... it didn't work, anyway.

 

Barefoot-message me sometime if you wanna hear my story-I don't want to post the private details of my life here in the forum but it is relevant

 

When I read that some of you think that you'd HAVE TO HAVE SEX with whomever you'd marry, I can't believe it! I think that idea is absurd. But maybe I'm naive. In fact, I am, that's the definition of a virgin, isn't it?

Still, that sentiment makes me think it's not such a bad idea after all keep waiting until I'm hitched. I'd hope a woman would be able to appreciate the gift that is waiting.

And isn't it romantic, the idea of learning all about sex, together? I think it is.

-Me

 

not sure i read this right ..........not have sex with the person you get married with ??????? well for one thing ,if you don't have sex with the person you are married to ...in the eyes of the law and the church you ain't married ....a marriage has to be consummated to be legal......in the catholic church ,an unconsummated marriage can be annulled ..same as if the marriage never took place ...in legal terms ..many a widow or widower found themselves bereft of their partners' will because of it ..fortunes went to the partner's family in most cases

 

Waiting for marraige before having sex isn't a bad thing. As long as you're getting married in the near future. If you're not then you might end up like me!

 

She'll be single for the rest of her life, unless she has an arranged marriage. Rotsa ruck to her.

 

This reminds me... Saw CSI yesterday... It was about a dead tranvestite who operated himself into herself... He/she was living with a guy, who didn't know. They were waiting for the first wedding night.. Imagine that surprise, your real wife is not so real
Makes you think....

 

I think abstaining before marriage is not a bad idea at all; if anything, it's a good idea! As being said here, you both will have no basis for comparison. At the same time, you should still bear in mind that such a thing as 'sexual compatibility' does exist! But, it's more broad and has a lot to do with a person's temperament. If you have shared temperaments (which is different from *thinking* that you have--sth sometimes only ascertained after marriage), I think your sex life will work out as well. But if you abstain from sex, you should definitely masturbate now and then because you do want to percieve yourself as a sensual person who is capable of romantic love and you want to practice to learn more about yourself.

My wife and I have been first for each other, have not had any sex before the wedding night and we've never had any problems in bed. Because for a man, no matter how "perfect" a woman he's been with he still keeps an eye on the next person...And the more partners he has had the more like he is to continue to compare, IMO. So being the first for each other, BOTH you and your partner, is not a bad idea at all.

 

The only right move is what deep down feels right for you.

There are plenty of people out there that don't wait and there are plenty that do. The kicker is that those are other people and no matter what they are doing it should not weigh upon your decision.

Do not seek your answer from others, seek it from within yourself. Seek love and support from those you love.

This is one of the most important personal decisions you are facing at this point in your life, and I stress the importance of personal.


Peace, Love, and Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream,



-Lemm

 

I was firmly dedicated to the idea, mostly so I was sure that a guy wasn't just using me for sex, but I definitely got caught up in the heat of the moment a few too many times to hold that standard for myself. I lost my virginity at 17 and I really wish it had been under different circumstances. I cared deeply for the guy, we had been together for 4 months (longer than any relationship I had sustained up until that point), and we had already "fooled around," and one day we were sitting out in the woods in his Land Rover, bored, and decided to try. I didn't think it would work, it was a struggle to even get a tampon up in there, but lo and behold, he made it work. I kind of regret that, too. But at the same time, life is far too short to hold a ton of regrets.

Then I was stupidly infatuated with my boyfriend after him (I had a crush on this guy from the first time I saw him when I was 15 years old and then right after I turned 18, he actually gave me the time of day and the rush of it all went to my head) and ended up sleeping with him 3 weeks into the relationship. He had been telling me he loved me, I was crazy about him, so I figured "What the hell?" We broke up 3 weeks after that. After that, I vowed I was not going to have sex until I met the man I knew I was going to marry. The way I've always seen it is marriage is just a legal commitment, the love bonds way before that even takes place.

Wouldn't you know it? My Prince Charming comes along right after graduation, when I least expected or wanted it. I don't regret for a day being intimate with him because I know he's the one.

The way I see it is, I've already done it, no point in regretting anything now. But sex is really special and I think it's really admirable to wait until you're married or engaged. Lord knows there are many times I wish I did.

 

I lost my virginity a mont ago, 16 years old and Im really not sorry
I love my bf and I know he also loves me.
And I just hope we will stay together very long time (4 ever )

 

When you are 16 years old, if you genuinely love your bf or gf, then you should stick with that person through good and bad, and if you want to, have sex and babies, but be sure that it is what you want. If you are unsure, you can try "SAFER" sex, by using contraceptives, and i'm sure you already knew that anyway.

From what I have seen and heard, lot's of young marriages tend to end in tears. Marriage in my opinion is a huge step, and if you have kids, then you have the responsibility of being a parent, and I personally would find it a huge burden. I don't think I would be able to cope with crying babies, and i'd get frustrated and fed up of their constant crying.

 

When you are 16 years old, if you genuinely love your bf or gf, then you should stick with that person through good and bad, and if you want to, have sex and babies, but be sure that it is what you want. If you are unsure, you can try "SAFER" sex, by using contraceptives, and i'm sure you already knew that anyway.

From what I have seen and heard, lots of young marriages tend to end in tears. Marriage in my opinion is a huge step, and if you have kids, then you have the responsibility of being a parent, and I personally would find it a huge burden. I don't think I would be able to cope with crying babies, and i'd get frustrated and fed up of their constant crying.

 

When you are 16 years old, if you genuinely love your bf or gf, then you should stick with that person through good and bad, and if you want to, have sex and babies, but be sure that it is what you want. If you are unsure, you can try "SAFER" sex, by using contraceptives, and i'm sure you already knew that anyway.

From what I have seen and heard, lots of young marriages tend to end in tears. Marriage in my opinion is a huge step, and if you have kids, then you have the responsibility of being a parent, and I personally would find it a huge burden. I don't think I would be able to cope with crying babies, and i'd get frustrated and fed up of their constant crying.

 

How does one get an arranged marriage? I've been a virgin my whole life, dating makes no sense to me, and I feel the only way I can get married is if it's arranged.

 

People who have never had sex always say things like this. Once you have it,realize how pleasurable it is,you'll wonder why you waited so long. Then if/when you find your husband isn't that great or ringing your bell,you'll be tempted to see what else is out there. That's when you'll realize....sex does matter.

 

I don't really care what anyone else does and I have no desire to change anyone's mind on the topic in the least bit because if I'm not the one screwing I'm really not all that concerned.

That being said I waited to have sex with my husband, but I was dumb enough to get married at 18, so what does that tell you. I grew up in the church so I was brainwashed to believe that I had to marry him because I had sex with him. I regret that way of thinking. I honestly wish I hadn't passed up the opportunity a few years before that to get it on with this really hot guy. But alas, I was an idiot.

Now, I'm not saying this is true for everyone, but sex with my (now ex) husband was absolutely horrible. I just stopped having sex with him. I tried to make things better, got books and toys and videos, tried talking, playing etc. But he was an idiot and not just in the bedroom. Plus, he was extremely small, so there is only so much one can do.

Anyway, I didn't really love him to begin with, but that is a very long story. So when other men started to pay attention to me and make me feel good and sexy, I was intrigued. I honestly wanted to know what else was out there. I wanted to feel the way these other men made me feel (and no smart asses I wasn't a slut about it, these were relationships with real feelings involved, it was just that the sexual sparks were much more intense than with my ex).

My point is that I do not regret to this day anyone that I ever had sex with. If anything I regret not having sex with people that I wish I had not turned down. Right now I'm happy and with someone that I love and boy do we love to have sex. But neither of us are using each other for sex. We love each other deeply and have been together for over 5 years. We would like to spend the rest of our lives together. We know each other inside and out and still discover new things every day.

Maybe I'm the weird one to believe that virginity really isn't that big of a deal. But really, I just think who cares. Once you have sex once, you aren't a virgin anymore. No one makes a big deal about your first drink or your first anything really. I mean hopefully you will be doing it for a long time after. I really do think that it is society and religion who make this more than what it is. I know I'm going to get a ton of flak for that one. And like I said I'm not trying to tell anyone else what to do in the least bit. I don't care what you people do or don't do. I honestly just don't feel like being a virgin or not is a huge deal. Actually, if I were dating I probably wouldn't date a virgin. Too complicated and way too many expectations.

All of this being said, because again I know I'm going to have a ton of people flip out on me for having an opinion, I'm not telling kids to go out and screw everyone they meet simply for the sake of having sex. As a matter of fact, I'm not telling anyone to do or not do anything, because since when do I have that power over people.

good luck though.

 

i think the PERSON you loose it to matters, and i think the only criteria for them eing 'worthy' of you losing it to them is that you love eachother. whether that just mean care or really love, depends on the person. and as long as your not like 13, i dont really think the age matters either.

not a very big deal to me.

 

Yes, maybe it matters to someone who puts a lot of emphasis on it or cares a lot about that sort of thing and there is nothing wrong with that in the least bit. But it didn't really matter to me. I barely remember it. And I don't know that it always matters to the person you are having sex with. What I mean by that is when someone loves you, they love you for who you are not when where how and why you lost your virginity. It didn't matter to my boyfriend that I was not a virgin. And I was praying he wasn't! And I have had sex with virgins before and really I didn't give a flying fig I just wanted to get it on. I know, I'm an insensitive slut. Oh well.

All I'm saying is in 30 years after one has been having a lot of sex (hopefully), is it really going to be that big of a deal to one still? Maybe. Like I said everyone is different and has an opinion and experiences. Some things are more important to some people.

See I think that maybe some people are genuinely confusing sex with love. They aren't the same thing. Sometimes they go hand in hand, sometimes they are separate for whatever reason. You can most certainly love without having sex and you can have the best sex ever and not be in love. And the whole giving yourself as a gift, I really really cannot comprehend. Sorry, maybe someone could explain why they would want to do that better, because I don't get it. I simply do not understand how it is any more special to be a virgin.

Again like I said I babbel a lot. just smack me when I get out of control.