Ahhh!! These People!

Sorry, another rant. Another thing I learned about after joining this forum was AP. Thanks Maggie! I read all the books and talked to all kinds of parents who practiced it and now I find it ideal. I even asked my mom and found out that she was a true 1970s earthy mama. I was carried in a sling and all! I now use all the techniques I can. Breastfeeding and slings are obviously out as both my kids are done BFing and they are waaay too heavy for my to carry but I do cosleep and I do not ditch them with other people unless I have to work. They go with their dad every other weekend and that's when I have my social life.lol.

On this other forum where the whole hospital rant spawned from, this woman was asking advice on how to remove her 9 year old son from her bed. All of the posters(except me) told her to be harsh and set the strict boundaries, kids need to be told "no"...ect ect. I told her to talk to her child and maybe get to the root of why he still wants to sleep in her bed. Then I commented that "is it really that bad that your child wants the comfort of you when he sleeps?"

They turned on me like I was a certifiable nutcase. One poster was even accusing people who "indulge" certain behaviors in babies and children(crying, needing closeness..ect) as being lazy and coddling. I was like what the..?

I stated my lecture on howing crying out is shitty and lazy and people wonder why things like Columbine happen...it's because of selfish parenting. People dont want to parent, they just want partially raise some kids, hope they turn out decent so they can take care of them when elderly.

I decided a long time ago that my right to a personal bubble from my children was forfeited for 18 years the moment I gave birth.

Having babies is a choice and people need to understand what that responsibility entails. It means sacrifice.

Oh and I ended my soapbox lecture with Maggies signature on AP...though I doubt any of them can even get past their despisement of anything remotely different to even comprehend what I said.

I told them all to just read Dr.Sears and about the subject.

Pfft. People.

 

I know what you mean - people like that drive me nuts too. The worst can be the military-type men, who I see all the time snapping at their kids (in fact, earlier today I noticed a guy at the store freaking out at his son because the kid addressed him as "dad" and not "sir" - WTF?)

I just feel bad for their poor kids...

It can also suck, being that I'm NOT a mother, but have worked in the childcare field before, and been around kids my whole life - people never take my two cents seriously. I myself was raised in an AP family, and I've done MUCH research on it (much of it thanks to the beautiful mamas on HF!), and even if I haven't DONE it all myself, I still know what I'm talking about. I get so sick of hearing that same tired excuse - "Oh, you just don't know yet - wait till you have kids, then you'll understand." Aggg! Why can't any of these people understand that the reason I DON'T have kids is because I'm not yet ready to do it in the way I know is right!?

Okay, I'm done with my own little rant now...

 

They have really spit their venom back at me.

I'd hate to see what these people do to vegans. They seem really opposed to anything alternative to what they view as normal.

One woman was like...."I'm not a bad mother because I don't allow my crying daughter to invade MY bath time or MY movie time...she'll get over it. My mother kicked me out of her bed when I was 3 and I turned out just fine...blah blah"

It's all "me me me....I I I..." over there.

Hopeless, utterly hopeless.


Though, I have to wonder...am I becoming a AP-nazi and Breastnazi? Oh Noes!

 

hey otter,

did you hear about that nut who is on strike (sleeping on a cot in his driveway) until his wife kicks the kids out of 'his' bed? i'll try to find a link. talk about selfish!

kathy

 

this bears repeating. That is exactly the point. They have been brainwashed by society to fear anything out of the norm. Public schools taught them that anything different is very very BAD. They are afraid to question authority, even the authority of their own parents, and they make the same mistakes their parents made raising them. They are afraid to think for themselves or to trust their intuition.


I like it here in my little bubble where all my kid's friends are being raised with respect and kindness instead of having authoritarian parents who frighten them into obeying every little command. I've found a whole sub-culture, even here in real life, that I never knew existed before. I choose to not hang out with people who would disparage me or the things I believe in very strongly. When it's people I cannot avoid, like relatives, I simply absolutely refuse to discuss certain topics with them.

 

Screw 9, I'm 19 and I still like to cuddle with my mom. She's my mom. Okay, so I don't sleep in her bed anymore, but I was older than 9 when I stopped. My mom never had a problem with it (I was a bed wetter when I was little, too. But that's a different story). I mean, is it so bad that this person's child wants to be affectionate?

 

Yeah, well I don't know if your friend received the memo, but that attitude is not normal. I don't know any parents who are that selfish- and I've met some pretty shitty parents in my time.

 

Sadily, it seems like more parents are like this than like the AP parents.
If I ever see a mama carrying/wearing her baby, I make a point to smile at her, as when I carry/wearing Leane, I usually get a lot of messed up looks. Doesn't stop me.....I like the looks sometimes, cuz I can just smile at them with this, "see, I love my daughter and I'm not afraid to do something that isn't 'normal'" look on my face.
My family is full of the "others," with the exception of my oma. When I went to pick up Leane when she started to fuss a bit, she actually said, "you're a good little mama." I was so shocked that someone in my family said something like that, I asked why. She said, "because you go to your baby when she needs you." That was a nice breath of fresh air. I'm really sick of having to defend my choice of parenting...

 

Aw, shucks. Thank you! I am glad I could help. Love ya, Otter.

As for those people. This is the main reason I do NOT post on Main Stream Status Quo sites like Baby Center or Parent Center or Parent Soup. ect.

Some people are just TOO attached to their "freedom" and don't even want to face the idea that what they are doing might just not be the best. The old "If it makes me happy, it will make my child happy." And we know this is not always true. I always use the analogy "What if smoking crack or shooting smack in front of my kids mad me "happy?" Would that be OK, and make my kids happy, too?" Status Quo parents usually go on an antidrug rant, ignoring my point. *sigh*

I like to model my parenting, when pressed by those who think I am "indulgent" (far from perfect, I tend to be a bit of a yeller, which is something I could work on, too.) and hope that when people see a child being respected, and my giving of myself making a difference will help. But, some people will only stay withing their comfy factor, and never stray from it, and refuse to learn anything new.

Otter, you can't change everyone. I feel for those kids who are left to CIO, I feel bad for the babies and small children who are hit again and again, and the children who are left for days on their own. I just try to let people know KIDS ARE HUMAN, they have emotions, what you do to them becomes INGRAINED in who they are and how they treat others. But, if someone doesn't care, there's nothing you, me or anyone else can do.

Stay away from Baby Center, (although they do have some extended bf boards and soem attachment parenting boards, these boards are always attacked by the anti-attachment people, it just gets too labor intensive and frustrating to post there, except for an occasional comment) and other mainstream boards or any site which is Ezzo, Ferber, Tracey Hogg, Pearls, or Dr. Dobson freindly. (If you can call any of these parenting "tecniques" "FREINDLY.")

YOU know you are a good mom. (So do we.) Otter, don't let them get you down. You have had a hellish year, take it easy, and try to stay away from boards like that, which will only upset you. We love ya right here.

They always tell me "There isn't just one right way to parent." I agree! But, I tell them "The fact that there is more than one "right" way to parent does NOT mean that there are NO "wrong" ways to parent, or that anything one does as a parents is "the best you can do." " But, this usually falls on deaf ears.

To your own children be true. Be a good model. Kiss your kids in public. Talk about co sleeping, as if you KNOW the person you are talking to is also doing it. Normalize healthy attachment. That is the best WE can do. The best for our children. The best for the World.

Blessings

 

That's so beyond crappy. It makes me want to retch.

 

TY Maggie!

Because I can't resist..here are some choice quotes from the message board. I won't post names or anything. It's purely for viewing pleasure, so you can see what I have been battling.

here's the original post.

Here's my first reply which I guess is a little preachy but it goes pretty much ignored.

One woman suggests a reward system:

Here's the OPs reply to that.

My reply...which seemed logical at the time.LOL

Here's the quote from another poster that started the spoogefest:

I happily fuel the fire with this:

This was post from someone else that really caused the shit to hit:

There are a bunch of "I agree wholeheartedly" posts...Then I cannot resist the urge to preach again. I felt like, at the time, that the lazy comment was directed at people like me. So reply with what Intended to be my last post on that thread. I look back on it and I probably deserved the vitriolic replies I recieved.

Here's the first reply:

Second reply..good times..good times..

Here's another reply..again a poster trying to play the single mom card. I'm a single mom, myself...so I don't bite.

There are more posts harping on someone else's comment when they appeared to partially agree with me.

My final rant comes after someone suggests that the OP talk to her kid and find out what the deal is.. wtf? I suggested that 3 pages ago.lol. But I guess coming from her..it was a good suggestion..they just ignored it when it came from me. Here's my wanky final rant.


Was I out of line?

Here's a lovely post from some random person:

and another:

Most of these were made today. One poster claimed that all APers do is guilt trip everyone and create dependent and ineffectual adults.

Here's the cherry on the cake...Maggie you might love this woman(sarcasm) she claims to be an APer and a lactation consultant AND an L&D nurse. How convenient.

I don't know...maybe I was being bitchy..not a first(or last) for me but I have gotten really passionate about certain issues.

BTW, this thread on the board probably tossed me into e-social Siberia among all those people. Meh. I think I can handle their excommunication.

 

Hell, I'd WELCOME their ostracising. Why would you want to be a part of their little clique if they're going to be so....stupid...

 

Holy shit, those "women" pissed me off! First of all, both of my girls sleep with me part time-and sleep in their room as well. Neither of them whine, and I have so much more fun hanging out with them playing games, crafts, etc. than being a damn adult.

 

Okay, I know this is off topic, but it must be asked:

What kind of steroids is this 132 lb child on? I was the fat kid when I was 8, and I weighed maybe 80 lbs. Damn, and I though I ate too many Doritos.

 

bovine growth hormone would be my guess, from all the contaminated cow milk and animal flesh he consumes...

 

I didn't quote the post where the mother explains that her son is like 5'3", 135 at 8..mainly due to the fact that she's just shy of 6'1" and her husband is 6'6".

She says tall, large kids run in her family and become very tall adults.

The kid might have a lucritive career in pro-wrestling.LOL.

 

Damn!

 

wholy shit! I forgot for a sec that i was reading posts from another site...I went to go press reply! I really wanted to tell those women to go shove their thoughts about AP up their selfish, "time-out" loving, ferber fucking, judgemental asses...
so there.

 

WHY DO THESE PEOPLE EVEN HAVE KIDS!!!??? You know,if you don't want to be a parent then don't have kids. Way too many people are having kids for no real reason, breeding more thoughtless, selfish, violent jerks like themselves. Sorry to be so judgemental but I just get so very very angry. I love my kids. All kids should be loved.No child should have to live with parents who view him or her as an inconvienience!

 

All I know is that they took what I said and completely warped it as that my kids are glued to me and I don't even shower or do anything for myself...how can I cook with a kid slung to me? I cook, I bake.lol.

All I said was that I wait to do most personal things when they girls are sleeping.

I was never telling these people to give up everything about themselves...all I was saying was that you should make some sacrifices for your critters. It's not that dramatic or hard.

I ranted about childfreers on that same board and now it's 8 pages of some of the wildest splooge I have ever witnessed.

I win the internets for starting the most obnoxious threads!