im so afraid to touch my own clit

ok this is stupid, well not to me but im terrified to get my own hands involved when we have sex, not on him, i love to give him hand jobs and bj's but i just cant touch my self!! ive never had an orgasm - hence the name, i dont/cant masterbate, i havent a clue as to what to do or what turns me on so i havent got a starting place, all i know is that very rarely when he touches me for a fleeting second i get a tiny bit of feeling there but then its gone, i have great difficulty in telling him what to do and where or when as i just dont know, the feeling i get some times is only similar to busting for a pee, not the tingly feeling that many people say never anything like tickling, is there something wrong? im 41 have i got the rest of my life like this?

im so frightened that if i use my hands what ever we are doing is just going to be for his benefit cause i turn my self totally off and then thats it, how many times have i got to try and do this and how long would any man be willing if this was to keep happening and i end up in this mess everytime, i feel so damm useless, i feel guilty that he does all the work, it really does end up hurting him because of the amount of time he keeps trying to get me there but never does, what can we do?

 

You need to relax.. Be more comfortable with yourself.. Spend some alone time exploring your body.. If you don't know what turns you on then how is a man going to be able to pleasure you??.. Communication in the bedroom is key and you need to be able to open yourself up to that.. Just take some time out and practice masturbating, touching yourself, pleasuring yourself.. In the privacy of your own home you can do things any way you want, don't be afraid to try something new.. Practice and I'm sure you'll hit that spot and then you and your SO can enjoy it together.

 

Have you thought about using a vibrator for clitoral stimulation?

 

Go to Sears or Home Depot mecanic tools section and buy a rachet extension and used that instead of your fingers.

 

ok ive tried with a vib, ive tried with my fingers - it does nothing other than for a tiny time feel like the pain from busting to have a pee and then it only lasts seconds and then gone. nothing else ever happens.

i have never masterbated and havent got a clue what turns me on, i dont even know if i get aroused, what ever that feels like? there isnt any particular lace on my body that does anything at all

been to a therapist, she got us to do sensate focus and after many times of telling her that it did nothing and held no particualr interest in me she continued to ignore that fact that i cant even touch myself, which hubby found to be odd that she never inquired as to why, i just feel that the only person to have any benefit is him, which would be ok if it didnt hit the off button in the process, which it does and i feel so dissapointed with myself as i have just wasted all his efforts to get to the point that we where at and then end up curled up crying

the thing is about masterbation is that i dont actually have any problem with other people doing it at all!!! and if i was you lot i would maybe suggest that they try it, even my hubby find this part of me strange as he has actually heard me talk with such openness about it so he really knows i dont have hang ups like that at all about it. i just cant do it myself!!!!

 

Don't focus on the O, put it aside for now. Instead aim for other pleasures so that u get some benefit. Sometimes I'll trade in an orgasm for this sweet pleasure just cos it to involves his effort, but what I sometimes request is he lick my back with his tongue, tracing with his tongue also the back of my arms and neck. Sometimes I'll have him trace with a wet finger, sometimes he’ll trace so lightly or trace but barely contacting the skin and I’ll indulge in the tantalizing sensations and let myself be mesmerized .

This can be any activity, like kissing your feet if that’s your cup of tea, or anything else. Just indulge and enjoy .

 

thats the point there isnt anything anywhere i feel dead sexually to touch

 

maybe try smoking some weed and relaxing for a few hours....then try for some sex? You never know. I think the main thing is you just need to take a deep breath and relax.....be comfortable. Its ok, your not weird or anything some people just take some more time than others. You have nothing to be ashamed of at all. It sounds like your bf is very understanding of you and im sure he will be willing to work with you if it can help you out. Just put yourself in a comfortable situation and relax. be safe and most importantly...have fun.

 

That is sexy

 

oh to relax its that easy eh? even in the bath i cant relax i just do whats neccessary and then get out, i have all day by myself, i just havent got a clue what it is to do nothing, to lie still, i have tried but i end up with alsorts going through my head and thinking can i get up now, have i stayed here long enough, what am i supposed to be doing/feeling so end up doing/feeling nothing except like ive had enough of waiting for something to happen

 

There’s a couple of things you could try, which do probably sound a bit stupid, but anything is worth a go I suppose so ill carry on.


-The first is what i call (and many other people) the '1 o’clock method', basically it involves your man getting you really horny (u don’t have to be wet or anything just want it). So sit down with you leg's open and your man in between so he's got open access to everything.

Get him to put a little lube on your clit and a little on the end of his index finger, now he's got the fined the 1oclock position on your clit (sounds ridiculous I know but even women who normally cant stand direct clitoral stimulation will find it a brilliantly pleasurable experience). Once he's got that, he need's to make vertical (up-down), light movements at first, you two can experiment even try moving round your clit see if it's any better anywhere else, but most women find they don’t need to.

-And the second thing involves something called the 'Deep spot technique',

(this next bit's an explanation for your husband, if he has problems getting his finger deep enough inside of you this might be hard to do but give it a go).

(technical bit)

The Anterior Fornix of the vagina is located on the front wall of the vagina just below the cervix. It is about 3/4 of an inch to 1 1/2 inches long. Its borders are not well defined. The texture is smooth, unlike the G-Spot. If you place the tip of your finger over the cervix, and move it down a bit, staying on the front wall, your fingertip will be on the anterior fornix. Stimulate in a circular motion. If you move down too far, you will feel the texture change. That will mean that your finger tip is no longer in the right place.

This is the front of "the deep spot.", the deep spot is sensitive all the way around, and, it should be stroked by bending the tip of the finger in a "come hither" fashion while at the same time pulling down.

But the most powerful way to stimulate the vagina is at the back of the deep spot. Get the tip of your middle finger way in deep along the back of the vagina. Stroke against the back of the vagina in a 'come hither' manner. When she gets really excited, the deep back of the vagina will begin to pocket. Press the tip of your middle finger against the back of the pocket, and with the pad of your finger, press down on the PC muscle, which will be contracting so hard that it will feel like it is going to break your finger. But drive on hard. It will drive her crazy.

This is as good an image as i could muster atm -



I hope this helps in some way, the only other thing i can think of is getting counseling from a decent sex councilor, someone who will even physically show you what to do and get a why you feel the way you do, u might also want to try hypnotic regression to fined out what happened to make you feel like this and then get a hypnotist that specializes in sex to try and help reprogram all of the this crap out of you.

You might try looking into the PUA ommunity (Pick up artist) aswell, there'll be some one there able to help.

 

LIBERTINE: Personal Clit Toucher. Free of Charge.

 

shenanigans

 

what the hell are you on?

 

Any luck or have you not had the time? and might I also suggest if I haven’t already getting some of that stay hard cream for guy's and putting it on you instead, they really just increase blood flow, and low blood flow might be a contributing factor to your problems (I've also herd that some of the Viagra tripe products on the market might help some women, and there developing some along those lines for women anyway, haven’t looked into it allot myself but ill keep my eye out).

 

well we had another failed attempt last night!!! i thought those creams for guys where to desensitize not increase blood flow. i take some pills already ginko biloba, damiana and L-arginine,was thinking about trying some kamagra

 

Some of them are indeed, but there are a few i've seen about to help increase blood flow, they might not be on the market anymore i supose it's been a while since i've looked.
Yeah those should help, anything that increases oxygen intake is good. There are obveousely some more extreem thing's you could try-

Drugs (LSD or marijuana anything liek that).

See if your actually into any kind of kink (dogging/exhibitionist, bdsm/bondage, dressing up, domination/sub, cfnm/cmnf, or maby add another woman into the mix, there is also strangulation which obveousely involves a hell of alot of trust but can bring good results, with most people ending up in a euphoric state if not actually cuming, there are the obveouse dangers though).

Somethimes there are things that we dont want to even admit to ourselves that we might like, or not like (has it allways been the same on just now with you husband, even thought you might not have been with any1 else it's still something to think about). you might also fined the game the 'CUBE' healpfull you can get the book off amazon for a few quid, and even if it dosent help at first it's fun to play, and isnt sexual, well unless you make it so but even so it isnt physical still it is what you make of it.

And the final thing is back to the hypnosis like i said befor, just make sure it's some1 reputable and your husbands there.

Thats me out for now if i come up with anything new ill throw it your way, there are a whole list of other things but i dont know wether you'd be willing to try them .

 

i have thought seriously about the hypnosis but i dont think that i would hubby in the same room, i think it would work against me somehow

lsd and stuff, no i couldnt take that, i have 3 kids to think about same goes for the strangulation think obvious really that one. i have tried to get some weed but up here in the north east its hard to get at the moment, i have done it before just when i was at work though not with hubby for these purposes.

dont want to even think about the idea of someone else either on a 2 basis or 3

as for the other ideas well try you might be surprised at how open i am!!!!

 

He mentioned viagra. You could try that. It increases blood flow to the genitals so may be just the thing you need to 'feel your clit'. It's worked on other women, ask lynsey. It may be hard to get but may be the most effective solution at this point so try obtaining some. IMO they're likely to be more effective than the alternative medicines you mentions, ginko biloba.

 

well i ordered the kamagra, whic is the same as viagra yesterday, so i should be here today or tomorrow, i will let you know if or what effect it has. i thought it best to go through the low level routes first to see if that could improve things which to be honest it hasnt really made any difference, but for the sake of a tenner i thougt i would try this stuff aswell