My daughter and setting limits?!

My daughter is 13 now. She's at the age where she is growing and her clothes are shrinking! lol Im a very open minded parent and I think she should wear whatever she feels comfortable in. I've never wanted to be the kind of mom who told my daughter "NO, you CANT wear that". However fashion now adays doesnt always cover much. Any other parents out their dealing with this dilema?

Thanks!
K from Ohio

 

Mine's only 5, but I know already I don't want her dressing like a slut. Neither does my wife. Being a friend to your children is one thing we all want, but you are still the one who guides your child around mistakes you may have seen or even made yourself. As a former teenaged boy, I can tell you that when a girl dressed like a slut, we all went after her, or oggled her or fantasized about her. Is this what you want for your little girl? I see difficult times ahead for me on this issue so I sure don't envy you now. But teaching a daughter to have some class should be a priority.

Charles

 

I am raising my kids to have the self esteem and independence to pick out their own clothes, without any fear that trends or what people think about them will influence their choices. If my kids end up being oversexed teens, just like Mommy and Daddy were way back when, what they wear won't change (or hide) that.

 

And mamaboogie, your beautiful little ones are a wonderful example of how that method can work. A five-year-old who decides on her own that she wants dreads, for instance, is a very special little girl who thinks for herself!
I don't have kids, but I remember being one. When I was young and trying to follow all the latest trends, shop in stores, etc. I don't think I ever looked good. It was only when I started not only making, but DESIGNING my own clothing that I really settled into what I liked, and what looked good on me. I don't give a shit if it's what everyone else is wearing! (Of course, at a festy if I'm doing good, it IS what everyone else is wearig! )

 

my three and a half year old has hit the "I wanna wear a skirt/dress" stage right when winter has started to kick in. I have tried the "pants under a skirt/dress are cool but that isn't going down well, the fact that I live in jeans and pants seems to have spurred her on and am beginning to suspect that she wants to emulate the big girls behind us who wear skirts when I am rugged up and shivering. I have also tried the sparkles on the pants in a desperate attempt to appeal to this damn girly phase...what is it with princesses, ballerinas and fairies....*looks around for nana*. Anyhow before it gets cold enough to become a real problem does anyone have any ideas for this?

 

what about a corduroy skirt/dress, or warm stockings? Let her wear what she wants indoors, and then change clothes if you go out and about anywhere? Let her wear what she wants, and just bring a warm change of clothes when she gets cold and decides it wasn't such a great idea after all...

 

yeah, I think thats sort of what I have been trying to do...but you know I think she just gets cold and grumpy but doesn't connect the grumpy thing with being cold...I don't know. I am mostly concerned as it is that real change of seasons time and her nose is a bit runny now and then and I would hate her to get a cold because I hadn't tried harder.


I like the idea of the warm dresses and have got about two of them (it is aus after all and warm weather is more the norm!!) so I might have a bit of an op shop next week with that in mind, however stockings are proving a bit of a problem for her to get up and down in time for the toilet.
thanks for the ideas
stephanie

 

What about stretch pants? I went through the exact same stage when I was a little girl, and I used to wear stretch pants under my dresses. They were close enough to stockings and they're not as annoying to put on.

 

Yeah that. Or wool leggings or heavy tights under the long skirts. Corduroy skirts or flannel petticoats under the long skirt can be warmer than pants. I actually wore skirts a lot this last winter and was very warm.

Kathi

 

So far my kids haven't tried to wear anything that I wouldn't be okay with. I keep looking at some of those teeny tiny outfits though, and holding my breath. My 6yo daughter is very conscious of how she looks, and adores trying new fashions so I'm sure it's a matter of time before we run into something like this.

There is a girl in our church who wears very short skirts. She wears them with tights &/or a matching pair of (just slightly shorter) shorts underneath, so that she is always covered. I thought that was a wonderful way to allow her to wear what she wants, but still keep her parents from screaming in terror.

As for skirts in cold weather - I have not worn pants for 5 years, and my daughter has been going through a "phase" of wanting to wear mostly dresses herself for about the last 18 months. Since we live in Minnesota, keeping warm during the winter is a huge issue. We wear a lot of flannel dresses & heavy denim or wool-blend skirts, along with thick heavy tights and flannel petticoats. Until getting the tights down in time isn't an issue anymore, I'd highly recommend a couple pretty petticoats My daughter runs around in hers all summer long as nightgowns or play dresses so they REALLY get worn a lot!
love,
mom

 

petticoats rock!

 

oh I definitely agree on that. I personally never dressed "like a slut", but I did like to dress very cute and sometimes a little bit sexy more in a classy way. My parents never told me what to wear or not wear. my parents never really told me anything, but that's a differen't story. Although trends now I see are getting "sexier" towards younger ages, I don't really see it being that big of a problem. I guess I just don't see any part of the body as being "bad" so clothing doesn't automatically come at me as showing "too much" or too little. usually I just see whether I think it's cute or not. People who worry about their kids having sex sometimes think clothing is the deciding factor, but really your kids opinion on whether or not they want to have sex comes down to how they feel about it. I started having sex at an age where I was dressing more like a "skater": big pants, skateboarder shirts.

yep, same story here.

I'm thinking about making a jean and flannel quilted skirt for me this winter.

 

when i was younger I went through a rather rebellious phase and started wearing things which were considered a bit 'out there'. My parents wouldn't say anything to me when I went out like that but later would just quietly mention that they didn't really like what I had been wearing and thought it was a bit slutty/worn out/weird/didn't suit me for various reasons. If their comments actually made sense, then I'd listen. if they didn't, I wouldn't... they let me make up my own mind but still let me know what they thought and gave me some guidance.

 

I so agree but the pants under skirts look is just a no go in her book....think I may have to find a couple of very funky ballerinas!!

 

now that is an idea I hadn't thought of but being totally girly I think it might be a winner with her in this situation!! Thanks for that! I will let you know how we go...so far the cold hasn't been so bad, in fact today was t-shirt weather, but worse is to come so better forearmed!

 

I think it's more how the person wearing the clothes acts while in them.
My cousin (Who is also 13) dresses in 'questionable' clothing. I think she's cute. She does it becaue she likes the clothes, and she's comfortable in them. She doesn't act slutty or anything....and if she did I'd say something to her about it (She says she'll listen to anything I tell her because I'm cool. ). Her mother dresses about the same, but she is slutty about it.
So, if your daughter feels comfortable in those kinds of clothes, I'd say let her go for it. If she starts acting in a questionable manner....you'll just have to be the mom that says NO you can't wear that.