Really my last dance with Mary Jane? (warning: long read, but please help if you can)

Again Im sorry about the long read, didnt plan on typing this much, but I figured best to give you all the info, if I want the best answers. Oh, and pardon the spelling.

So about a month and a half ago I did something I always thought I would never do. I was home alone and had the house to myself for the entire weekend. It had been a long week and about 2 months since I had smoked. My plan was to just stay in and bake all day. When I picked my bag up, my dealer also told me that he had some coke. "What the hell," I thought and bought two small lines. I had only done weed up to this point and always told my self that I would just stick to weed and probably try mushrooms eventually, but that was it.

Well the time had come I did the lines and smoked some of the grass. I dont remember to much early, just being really hyper and restless. Suddenly though I had a panic attack and, for what ever reasons, started reading online about how you do coke one and your hook and all these horror stories. This had disolved into a full blown anxiety attack which lasted for the entire length of the weekend. I didnt want to talk to anyone(mistake Im sure) and just tried to deal with it by my self. Oh, and this included, while I was still high, flushing the rest of the weed I had. Well finally the one of the longest weekends I have ever had ended, the house was full again, work week was back. I tried my best to just push it to the back of my mind and forget the whole thing.

Well the next week I was feeling a little bit better but still abit stressed with little bits of anxiety popping up here and there. Well here comes the next weekend and guess what? I got the house to myself again. "Okay, this time Ill do it right" So I pick up a bag from a different dealer, only weed this time. Now this wasnt the greatest weed I ever got, but I always had a fairly low tollerance even when I was smoking regularly.

Come that night I sparked a bowl, but this time it was a little different. Usually it hits me right away, not this time however. It was pretty harsh hitting and for a while felt like it wasnt doing anything. Finally it started to set in but it just wasnt the same as it had always been.

Its kind of hard to explain exactly how you feel when your high I suppose but Ill do my best. The "old days" when I would smoke I would relax and sort of sink back into the back of my mind. I could just sit back and feel like I was falling. Physically everything just felt comfortable, soft I suppose you could say. In terms of all the different smokers on Half Baked, I suppose I was "the enhancer" every thing just felt better, looked cooler, sounded, and tasted(munchies was always one of my favorite things about being high) better. Plus it had always acted as an aphrodesiac for me.

This time however, not. The best way to describe it was as though I was locked up in the very front part of my brain(almost right behind the eyes) and just couldnt get back to the cozy, free falling corner in the back of my head. It was almost painfully uncomfortable. Things didnt have any sort of cool or different look. My bed felt like a wood board, my blankets uncomfortable. Before it always felt like a depressant this time it felt more like a stimulant; I was restless and couldnt concentrate. The anxiety was back and to make things even worse, rather than an aphrodesiac effect it just seemed to kill my libido.

So, stupidly, I got online and stubled across one message board and someone having a similar experiance of anxiety after cocaine. At the bottom of the thread however there was a post saying, and Im paraphrasing here, "you had a bad trip. weed will never be the same again. sucks huh?". I remember quickly turning off my monitor and recoiling from the computer and back into bed, and basically just putting my cloudy, uncomfortable head under the covers and closed my eyes till I finally fell asleep.

The next day, thinking that that was just a fluke, I tried one more bowl, same thing however. Harsh hitting, locked up front in my head, anxiety, and just none of the pleasing feelings I use to feel from being high. I didnt flush the rest this time, I just put it away and just sort of waited and tried to nap through it till I sobered up.

Some of what I had been reading about was neurotransmitters and recptors and was thinking I had just spent up all my dopemine/endorphins/whathave you through the coke and extreme amount of stress I was putting my self through. So the rest of the weekend I took vitamins(trying to build those , worked out, cut the yard, cleaned my room, and tried to look on the bright side, hey at least the whole "hooked once on coke" thing wasnt true and trying to take my mind off things I got some work done(lawn/room).

I had been feeling pretty much back to normal for the next few weeks, libido was back though still not as much as before(again stress/anxiety had probably taken a huge hit to it). Not anxiety attacks. Feeling good.

Last night I had decided to try it again. This time however I tried to prepare my self to avoid the anxiety and tell my self not to worry if its not good, "there are worse things than not getting high". Well it was the same thing this time. Nothing pleasurable or relaxing about it; nothing stirring down stairs. The feelings of anxiety werent that bad, like I said I did try to prepare and actively tried to look at the good side, but they were there a bit.


Well now Im asking the experts. Did I just buy bad weed? Will it "never be the same again"? Have I danced my last dance with MJ? Like I said, there are worse things than not being able to get high; but damned if I dont miss it and feel like a bit of saddness Im saying good bye to a friend.

 

set and setting. i think your mindset is just wrong. do you think you might have expected a bad experience, so you induced a bad experience (multiple times)? it could also be the cannabis -- try smoking a bowl of a friend's bud, and try it when you're feeling comfortable and relaxed, and in a place where you can forget about your experience with the cocaine.

your next high will be great.

 

its hard to explain how to overcome this sort of thing. it could involve some introspection and emotional struggle.

however i think if you want the best answer, limit your question. you should smoke other weed before you make all these conclusions. because having conclusions like the high will never be teh same again (even if youre fine with that) is going to re-enforce the perception of a new high/loss of old high. as in, youve irrationally concluded a lot of things but you have not now gone back and just thought that its all wrong and that youre just imagining it.

everyone has a different capacity for rational overcoming of anxiety but everyone has the ability in the end.

the most common thing that effects a high in the way youre talking about is as novictim said, the set, setting, and mindset.
but when i say mindset im talking about logical/rational mindset, not emotional one. the emotions are the hard things to overcome but the rationality underlies triggers for emotions

 

I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I get so anxious and paranoid whenever I smoke now and it SUCKS! Last time I did it by myself and ended up thinking that I had lupus (because I was running a low-grade fever). I've decided to quit smoking until I figure out the root of the problem. I have found that I'm ok if i have a few beers before, but it still isn't the same. Good luck!

 

well i did coke and had a panic attack which triggerd a anxeity disorder, and i wasnt able tos moke weed anymore some time passed and i learned how to deal with my anxiety and problems and then i started smoking weed again and now i smoke all the time and im fine, i use to have panic attack when i smoked weed or i was paronid the whole time or felt like shit but it passed, for now you should quit and adresse your anxeity problems then try to smoke again. peronaly i realy dont think you wont ever be able to smoke weed again, you just need some time to clear your head

 

um just smoke and chill....is it that hard?

 

lol you really are an insecure bastard. weed doesnt have to make you anxious. dont try and make out that anyone who says otherwise is being blinded. the more probable situation anyway is that youre just an anxious person.

however at the same time, you are right in that having a break is gonna get you more stoned and the more stoned you are, the more LIKELY you are of having anxiety or paranoia. but if you get over the anxiety anyway then its not an issue.

 

try smoking with people, not just alone, and maybe they will bring you up

 

Thanks for all the replies and encouraging words. I think you all are right; I really just need to take a long while off (not just a few weeks) and just do it different next time, i.e mindset/setting/company/weed.

Deadonceagain, with your experience was it similar to how I described mine, in that the high actually felt different? When it did go back did it feel like it use to? How long did you step away from it before you were able to enjoy it again? I suppose one of the things that has concerned me is, is it possible that the cocaine it's self changed the way my brain reacts to THC? Is it an actual physical/chemical problem or just psycological? I dont know much about the stuff, I know long term use can do physical damage; but could the combination have had an effect?

earlyxsunsets, its different from feelings of paranoia. It is just a completely different feeling in general.

sunshine, good luck on your journey. Perhaps every one is right, and someday each of us will have all the right circumstances come together and it will be the best damned high we ever had.

Everyone else, thanks again.

 

Weed doesn't make you paranoid or anxious. Some people just become anxious when they get scared of being affected by it or busted.

Pot smokers also get less tolerant to it the more they smoke, unlike most other drugs. The first few times I smoked pot, I didn't even get high. And I smoked alot.

Agent Orange:
I don't beleive that cocaine would mess up your brain just from a couple of lines.
I've tried cocaine a few times too but I was never interested in any hard drugs and I didn't like it, but I had no problem to continue smoking pot. Of course, YMMV.

The different kinds of high that you described sounds like what you are usually accustomed to is a psychoactive high, which is most common. A cerebral high will be similar to what you described. It's much more of a 'buzz' in your head, rather than a total relaxation.

A suggestion would be to smoke with a friend, and not alone, where you will be dwelling on your own thoughts. An experienced friend can help to keep your anxiety in check and watch out for your safety.

I would also discourage anybody from experimenting by themselves, because of bad trips, like your experience, and also because you don't know how you will react to a new drug or if you are actually using it correctly. Even if you know the drug is relatively safe, like marijuana, you could have an allergy.

Good luck Agent Orange. I'm sure you can get passed this bump. Just stay positive.

 

I had a similar experience, except not with coke, but with LSD. For a few months after the trip, I couldn't really smoke pot without having a string of really intense bad thoughts going through my head until I fell asleep. Even without smoking (I decided to stop for a while) I would have anxiety attacks every so often. Slowly things started to come together and I've been able to smoke again and have a good time.

I think that part of the problem may be something subconscious that's being brought almost to the surface when you smoke. There's something you need to do differently in your life, some thought process that you need to change. Figure out what that is and you'll be golden.

 

i dont think it could possibly changed they way your brain reacts to THC. after that the high did feel different i was alot more nervous and it was not fun, or i felt depressed and almost torn apart mentaly. i stop doing all drugs but drinking for 8 months and went to therapy for about 4 or 5. then last june my firend had some weed so i smoked a littile and i was fine after that i smoke pretty much daily, it just sounds like you triggerd a panic or anxiety disorder,ive done cocaine 4 times sence i got over my anxiety disorder and it never triggerd anything again. two line of cocaine will not totaly change your brain chemistry. you sound very worry about somthing that i have never heard happening in the history of cocain use, you definitly have some anxeity problems to adresse with a cousiler or doctor if you are having panic attacks and other problem assocsated with them. as far as i can tell the same thing happend to you as me the use of a powerful stimulant triggered a panic/anxeity disorder

 

First of all coming from a person who bugs out on occasion from weed I know where this kid is coming from. Lets start from the top, when you bug out you bug out period theres no turning back and theres no way to stop it until the effect wears off. You can try to chill out and not think about it but the whole point is when you get high a lot you bug out a lot, and it sucks but you have to deal with it or stop smoking.

 

Interesting, encouraging stuff. Like I said my knowledge about cocaine is minimal at best. So my whole "change the way the brain reacts to thc" thought is at the most on shaky ground, if not completely baseless. I have read that it can effect neurotransmitters, with heavy longterm use, and somehow I got it in my head that it changes the way the chemicals in your brain work. I was very wrongly assuming, or at least had the idea in my mind that this one time bad decision screwed me over for ever. Good to hear its not true, now I just have to somehow get that through to my subconscious. I think alot of the anxiety came from putting myself putting negitive thoughts in my own head. Not to mention, I always watch COPS and have told my self I would never do anything more than weed ,and maybe shrooms, after seeing what some of those folks have done to themselves. In addition to that, I think experimenting with the stuff by myself(I knew that rule, dont know why I didnt think to follow it), and when thinking back it was probably not even the best time in my life to experiment with something new like that, I think that I can understand what brought about the anxiety attack. Plus, with the weed, if I expect one sort of high, thats likely the one Im going to get, even if its not the one I want.

I guess its true though, self diagnosis(I should note that alot of the horror stories, and negitive effects of coke I was reading, plus I stumbled across "ego death" and dispersonalization stuff, was while I was still high) can do a shit load more harm than good.

Thinking about this last time smoking that prompted this thread: waiting only a few weeks, while all this stuff was, no longer right on the top, but still very fresh in my mind, smoking the same (not very good) stash, in the same place, by my self. Im sure even the most inexperienced user could have told me that that would not be wise and probably would not be the best time. Actually writting this all this down, I can see that I really didnt even give myself a chance to enjoy it.

Incidently, I have no intention of doing coke again. For one Im not really into the stimulant effect, but mainly that drip shit, when you can feel it going from your nasal canal down the back of your throat, has to be one of worst/grossest physical feelings Ive had. Yuck.

Again I would like to thank you all, for the good words, and also for helping to disspell the worries and thoughts that I had about what happened.


One more question; I was a regular, daily smoker, but still was never that knowledgeable about marijuana. I always thought pot was pot as it always seemed to give me the psychoactive high, as Nicklebag mentioned. Could it be however that part of the problem is the pot that I bought is also bringing on the "cerebral" high, and it very well could be the same feeling had none of this happened only I wouldnt be so paniced about it? Or is pot simply pot and the different high is being brought upon by myself?

 

first of all alot of people do over self diagnoses and say some pretty fucked up shit, one girl told me when smoking with her friend had a sezier from smoking to much, and now marijuana wont react to his brain anymore, ahahah all that realy happend was a kid had a panic attack, also most of the time when people do feel somthing wrong whne they are high they are having a panic attack or a bad feeling when they are high. ive experimented alot of things by myself, most of the pills i took i did alone, and ive done a good amount of many kinds all good experences, i dont do pills anymore, once in a while ill do a low dose of viks and watch a movie, but being with people realy didnt change it, ive done DXM with someone and alone, both times it sucked and ill never do it again, but if its a drug you have a problem taking it realy wont matter in the end, most of the time when your that paronid you react totaly differnt so people being there realy doesnt help, setting might be somthing to change when you feel ready to smoke again, setting has been linked to different tolerence/reaction of the drug in cases of heroin use. so changing where you smoke what you smoke out of and the type of weed you smoked might make a difference when you feel your ready to smoke again. i dont have any idea what you mean in that last paragraph

 

Agent Orange:

There is two kinds of high you can get from pot.
If pot is picked a little bit early, or not cured properly, the psychoactive effects don't get a chance to develop in the buds.
If it's picked too late, the psychoactive effects will be very strong, but the cerebral effects will have started to die off.

The cerebral high is the airy *buzz* that makes yer head feel light and it comes from the THC.
The psychoactive high is the *stoned* 'wheelchair' effect, and the introspection and it comes from Cannibinols.

Usually you want a good mix of both. Too much of the psychoactive and the weed just makes you tired.

Normally when you smoke a good bud, you will start to feel the buzz within a few minutes, and it lasts for about an hour. Right about the time the buzz starts to peak, the stone will kick in, and you start to get a bit tired, and the munchies, and just wanna chillax and it lasts alot longer usually. In my experience at least.

Basically, it sounds like the buds you bought weren't quite ripe yet. Could just be the strain too.

 

This has been a really good thread! I didn't know about the cerebral effects before. I also realized that I did go from smoking everyday to smoking about once every two weeks or so. Also, I smoked different bud the times when I got a good high. Thanks everybody!

 

To the people who still think that weed doesnt make you bug out you couldnt be more wrong. The book on weed is you get a high but with that high comes a paranoia and anxiety and the whole heart beats faster and blood pressure is higher. For the people who dont have anxiety issues and have clear heads will not get paranoid or not that much, but for the people who have issues with anxiety chances are likely they will get paranoid most of the time. So I keep my arguement that some people were not meant to get high, they cant handle the effects.

 

I hear you Sunshine, this has been a good thread. Ive learned somethings about myself, or rather, I learned somethings I might have thought about myself weren't true.

Aside from the (self inflicted)anxiety, I think I might have also learned the key to why I am not enjoying it lately. The buds. I had not a clue about any of what Nickle just posted. A few notes about the weed I have thats given me the trouble, which I should also note is the only weed I have smoked since that shitty experiance with the coke; it doesnt quite taste right(sorry I cant explain better than that, never really was a fan of the taste in the first place), it hits ALOT harsher than usual, slower reacting, really leafy, dark green, little to none of the little crystals (are those the Cannibinols?). Plus the different high. I suppose light headed would be a good description, it comes with that head ache behind my eyes sort of like Im working with paint/glue/markers. Does this sound like this is accurate of the buds being picked to early and likely the root of the problem? Will the batch get (significantly)better with time or it a bust?

I am kind of anxious to try some different buds, or at least Im actually looking forward to smoking again. Though I still think I should(and will) take the other advice as well, time off with different mindset/setting/company/etc...

Zeppelin kid, see the thing is I always could handle the high, the only paranoia I ever got, aside from just worrying that certain people could tell I was high, would be that I would think we were being to loud. I seem to be able to hear better when high(or at least the psychoactive high), example: sober, the volume on my tv is typicaly about 1/2-2/3's of the way up; when stoned however, I can have it only a few notches above off and could hear it clear as day. See my panic came from the fact that my last few times have been different, which I thought(wrongly) was due to the coke/bad trip changing the way my neurotransmitters/receptors react; when really it seems(as of now, at least) that I unluckily bought a bad bag, and at the worst possible time to do it.

 

cokes bad karma