I don't know if this situation should go in the Love & sex forum but I also feel the need to post it in mental health since I feel it's a more apprioriate topic for this section & I am now seeing a counselor..... What would you say about someone that was in a PERFECT relationship,had all the love in the world to last a thousand lifetimes. Nothing could be better. Had a positive outlook on the future.......yet couldn't handle it & went to extreme measures to fuck it all up beyond belief,beyond repair because they never had something so beautiful,so perfect & was used to having tumultuous relationships where something was always damaging. By the way,I didn't cheat. Something far worse that makes cheating look tame.....If this is vague,please let me know if you need more info to go on. I guess I'm just looking for answers or for anyone who may have had the kind of problems with a perfect relationship also. Thank you.....
It's kind of hard to say... I mean this is what your therapist should be working with you to help figure out: why you do it and how to correct it. It takes time. Usually when people do things like this I think it's more of a defense mechanism... you're so used to getting hurt by the ones you care deeply for that even when it's good, your mind is telling you that it's not going to work so you begin pushing the ones you care about away before they can hurt you. It's the classic fear of abandonment scenario. It could be because of many other things though, that one's just really common.
Hmm,I wouldn't say abandonment issues. I mean,I have both of my parents in my life. They don't live nearby but still. I am a child of divorce & I suffered intensely throughout my teenage years because of it where I was literally forced right in the middle of it all. But I've also had other bad relationships in the past.
): I would see a therapist. I don't know i've never had a perfect serious relationship or anything close to it but if I had one I couldn't imagine messing it up. I'm sorry that you are going through that ):
Yeah,I actually just had my first session this past Wednesday. It's also not my first time seeing a therapist. *gulp* But I did let him know that was my main goal. To find out about why I did sucha thing to destroy something so perfect. Among other things....
therapists can be helpful... what would I say? well, one, "perfect" isn't real, it doesn't truly exist it's just an ideal. and two, it sounds like you destroy things for yourself, like you don't feel you're worthy of them and so you ruin things for yourself, destroy your chances to get ahead/grow/be happy/something. But, that's just my interpretation of the very few facts presented
The number one thing that can cause fear of abandonment is being a child whose parents are divorcing. On the flip side, being a child whose parents are divorcing can cause all types of other things too, especially if the child experienced PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome- when one parent does/says things to the child to influence them against the other parent) or abuse. Honestly, I can’t imagine anyone being able to tell you why you react going on just what you described in your original post. It would take a lot more in depth knowledge, mainly in what was going through your head as you did whatever you did to mess the relationship up. It takes a lot of time and honesty to rationalize this out, sometimes, and hopefully your therapist specializes in this type of therapy (if you haven’t made sure already, do so before wasting a lot of time) so that they can help you out.
Well,how about that. That's E-X-A-C-T-L-Y what I went through pretty much my whole teenage years. It was my dad pitting me against my mom & I was made resent her & I really did hate her at one point in time. And yes,in the first session,I did bring that up so that it could be addressed.
