Friends just dropped off their 2 year old for me to watch. And he's not his normal self. They informed me that they've been weaning him from the breast the last couple of weeks. And yesterday he "lost" his pacifier. He's got nothing right now. Like a boozer without... And this little boy, I KNOW just doesn't want to wean himself from the breast. He still asks for a nurse right before he's ready to sleep in the afternoon. Is there a better way to wean a child than cold-turkey? This just seems cruel!
Slowly with love. And when the child is ready. Cold Turkey weaning should only be done on two occasions 1) Mama is going into the hospital tomorrow to have a cancer removed 2) Mama has died I'm serious. There is no reason for Cold Turkey Weaning. And to do the Paci and the Breast at the same time, it's just awful. WHERE is his mama? Made me sad. Hug him, Freek. If you can get out, get him a new paci.
I would get him a new paci, but I don't want to make waves with his momma. She's very defensive of her parenting methods (even when she's clearly wrong). So I'm doing what I can with "nursing" him. I just cuddle him very closely to me and we'll look at his books together. And when he starts to whimper, I cuddle him closer. His mother, while having the best of intentions, is burning herself out in her parenting/relationship/housewife methods. Every evening, she cooks three different dinners because her oldest child refuses to eat anything with actual nutrition, her youngest is learning from that, and they learned it from their dad, who will not eat anything really. And they will never eat the same thing as what anyone else is eating. And instead of making hubby make his own dinner, and teaching the children to eat what's given, she just gives in. Every night. Then, there's how she works and comes home. She used to work the overnight shift at Starbucks. She'd go to work at 10pm, come home at 4.30 am, and be up at 7 am to see her oldest off to work and keep her youngest on a decent schedule. In essence, killing herself. Her husband, who got up at 6.30 and had plenty of time to get the oldest together for school, and who got home early enough to make sure dinner was done or the house straightened, never does either. She does all the housework, the childrearing, and works odd hours. And whenever I say something about doing something for herself, or trying to find a better schedule, she says "You'll learn soon enough". Like every mother gives up their entire person, their mental and physical well-being for the comfort of their family. I'm sorry, but if Brian's not willing to give 50/50, I'd have something to say...loudly. If my child were learning bad eating habits, I'd find out from where, and curb it instead of giving in. And if I'm working midnights, I'm sure as hell not getting up at 7 am to maintain normality if it's within my husband's range to help out! This weaning thing is the first time she's ever done something in reference to her children that is purely in her own interest. And I think if she opened her eyes to how her little boy is changing, she'd probably think differently. Sheesh.
Oh do I ever know what that's like, and boy, am I glad that I finally said that was enough and that we were all going to eat the same thing. I used to be so exhausted fixing separate meals for everybody, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Now we all eat the same thing. Granted, sometimes the kids might pick at their food or fuss, but they do try it now, and have actually expanded the list of foods that they will eat dramatically. It's definitely been a good thing. It was a hard habit for me to break, but thank goodness I was finally able to do it.
This womyn is stressed. Too bad she can't be as "disciplined" with her dh as she is with her weaning. She may see the weaning as the ONLY thing in her life she has control over. Sad that the only person in her house who doesn't have a say in what happens to him gets the worst of it. Damn, if she's working that much, she needs to either tell her dh to get his ass in gear and bring home some more bread, or start getting take out, or just make ONE meal and people have to eat what they can from that. In our house, we have 6 people. One is a vegetarian, and Sage has some Sensory Integration Issues and is the only picky eater. Guess what? I only make ONE meal, and people have to get what they can get from that. If Moon (my veggie) wants no meat, she can either just eat side dishes, or make herself a TVP patty to go with them. Making three meals is insane. What a mess, that poor little guy.
Sheesh, one can maintain one's integrity as a person while being a mother. This womyn is trying to do TOO much, that's the problem, not that she has kids, but that she is trying to do EVERYTHING. When things got stressful, when I had little ones, the JOB was the FIRST thing to go. Bear could either do something to make more money, or he could worry about my putting food and medicine ect on a credit card and deal with it later. He learned to deal with it. I had the kids to worry about, without losing myself, either. My kids and myself are higher in priotity than some job. I became self employed, because trying to be in the workforce, when you have small children, the way it is done in the US, is just Toxic to families. I know some people have NO choice, but if this womyn has two kids in daycare, she is probably buying lunch at work, as well as cofee ect, GAS which is now a major expence, work clothes ect. I'll bet working less, or not at all would be MUCH less stressful on her and her children........
Oh, their spending habits amaze me.... They can't afford many things, but they can afford to go out clubbing at least once a month. The cover charges, plus the insane amount they spend on drinks. Plus, they both smoke cigarettes. And she's a coffee junkie. He's a soda fiend. And she goes shopping a couple of times a month for clothing and other non-essentials. And yet, sometimes they can't afford groceries. They take out cash-check loans and are overdrawn in three bank accounts. It's ridiculous. Brian and I are living pay-check to pay-check, but I'm doing my best to keep us on a strict budget so that we can save a bit of money. And so that I don't have to work outside the home. Like you say, Maggie, me and this baby come first. And it would just kill me to think I'd have to leave her in the care of anyone else. Plus, in my firm opinion, no one can care for my family like I can. And as long as we're fed, clothed, and warm, we should be happy. Brian and I have our little pleasures, but we don't spend insane amounts on anything. I just can't see myself being in that sort of position. Ever. I have my shit-limit. And while I can take shit from some people, I'm not taking it from my family! Brian's supportive of whatever is best for the family. Including my staying home and eventually going back to school, as well as a lot of other decisions I've made and explained. *sigh* I've tried to show our friend that she can be good to herself as well as her family. But...It's like she doesnt want to see another way. Shes happy with this, it seems...
That is so freekin sad. I just went back to work, and I work 6pm to 2:30am, but I don't feel like I am killing myself (of course, I barely cook one dinner about half the week, R cooks the rest, and I am loud and clear about the need for him to do shit) and weaning C, who's 2 yr 3 mo is the LAST thing on my mind. First of all, if she cooks ONE dinner it will be less expensive and hey, when people including children get hungry, they will eat, and they will heat the healthy food in front of them. They aren't going to die from one or even two missed meals. Could you suggest trying that to her? And, I just have to say that she is really doing herself a disservice not to mention her poor babe. The reason I am able to go to bed at 3:30 am and be sane is that I can "plug C in" in the mornings and naptimes and eake out a few more hours of sleep. Plus it reassures him now that momma is gone for the first time in his life. And for her school aged child, maybe she could tell her/him to "go ask Daddy to help you" and pointedly tell her H that she is going to stay asleep. Hell, she could even lay out clothes and breakfast the night before. Kudos to you for taking care of that poor babe. Everybody needs a "nannan"-for some it's a breast, for some it's a favorite T shirt, coffee, cigarettes, or booze. My nannan might be my daily two cups of coffee! Hang in there an I am sending good karma your way for loving that baby! Tiffany
Some people's priorities and what they feel are "essensial" and what they "can't afford" is ridiculous. When I did day care, most people balked at paying. Like I was there to just take their kids out of charity, while they drove brand new cars, had nice clothes, ate expensive take out food, went out to lunch EVERY DAY, partied on the weekends ect. While Bear and I were barely getting by, and the people whose kids I watched lived about 10 rungs up the ladder from us, and complained about day care prices, yet paid more for their freaking car payments in a month than they wanted to in day care. Priorities. It is astounding what people think they are entitled to. I got so freaking resentful of these people (not the kids, the parents) that I eventually had to stop doing day care. But, it did pay the bills for a number of years, while I was still studying.
