family situation is bad

my family has been through a lot in the past year or 2... first it started with my mom's drinking problem becoming really obvious and impossible to ignore, then we lost our house, and right after that my mom's drinking got waaayy worse which i didnt think was possible, but i swear she was drunk for almost the entire month of december, with maybe 3 random days that she only had like 3 glasses of wine rather than the whole box... so as she drank even more, my dad became as bad as she was before for a while, hes not as bad now... but it got to a point where my mother would drink the hard stuff and become really mean towards me and only me, calling me a **** saying the whole family hates me etc, and then she'd start fighting me... as this started happening more often i thought that although i could easily get through the next few years until i graduate and move, but then i thought that i should do something about it because my sister is only 2 and i figured things would be way worse by the time she got old enough to start taking the punches and i wouldn't be around anymore... so i went to the school.. they pretty much gave my parents a warning.. and you'd think this would make things a little better at least for a few weeks, but the tension it caused made things worse. My dad, who never hit us before began to smack me and my brother around whenever he felt like it, saying if he was going to be accused of it then he should do it... and my mom is still an idiot. She's sober tonight after a 3 day tequila binge along with the pills that the dentist gave her.. idk why the dentist still gives her pills after 4 years... he must know whats going on by now...
basically its just too much tension b/c one parent doesn't make enough money and the other drinks too much so the fights are endless.

so thats the background story. heres where i need advice:
1. how do i talk to my mom about asking her to go to rehab??
2. what do i do when i walk down the stairs and she comes at me swinging but i cant understand what she's saying b/c shes slurring so badly?
3. what do i do when my dad drinks with her which is like every few weeks and they begin to beat the crap out of each other?? don't say call the cops im looking for real advice here.
4. What do i say to my 12 year old brother when he witnesses my mom burn my dad wiht a cigarrette or when he sees my dad punch my mom in the head??

 

http://www.couns.uiuc.edu/brochures/adult.htm
http://www.adultchildren.org/
There are a couple links for adult children of alcoholics.
I really feel for you. My mother is an alcoholic too. I told her once, I got hit, & she didn't speak to me for two weeks.
So, unfortunately, I have almost no advice. :/

Does she black out much?

 

I hope that doesn't sound trite. It isn't meant to be..That was when I was seven, she still drinks today...While on blood pressure meds. Talk about scary.
Over the years I've found that you can appeal to your loved ones, but you can't save them. They have to want to save themselves.
(((((((hugs))))))))
Maybe, if you move out someday, you can take your little brother..?

 

First off, kudos to you for speaking out and seeking help... so many don't and their lives are dramatically affected by it in ways they may not even be aware of. You need to constantly be aware of the fact that this is not your fault, that your parent's problems are not your responsibility. It's good that you're trying to help them, but if they're determined not to get help, there's not much you can do to change that. That said, don't think that it's futile to try, and don't think that you shouldn't be protecting both yourself and others in your house who can't or won't protect themselves! There's so much work you can do on you so that their behavior and actions don't take such a heavy or negative toll on you. Are there any relatives that live close by you, or any that you could possibly talk to that would take you and your siblings in? It's an awfully big and tough decision, but if you had another safe place to say, that is the most powerful sign you could give your parents to get their act together. When they sober up, they can get you guys back.

In addition to the sites that were posted above, you should seriously consider talking to Alanon/Alateen... http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/S20web.html

If you ever feel like you or anyone in the house is in danger and you do want to get out, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-888-799-SAFE) to get help. If it's really, really urgent; call 911. I realize that you don't consider that this is real advice, but getting in the middle of them fighting is most likely going to get their anger turned on you, and if things take a turn for the worse and one of them takes it too far, wouldn't you rather someone get in trouble and be forced to get help rather than taking the chance that someone gets seriously hurt or killed?

 

Good post, fulmah.

 

ok.. i'm not going to the cops, the state, and I can't live with any relatives. I have a lot of reasons. My mom cannot be forced into rehab. I can only ask her and ask her and ask her and pray that one day she sees how good she has it and smartens up... my family is too scared to do anything about it but yes they all know. I've gone to my guidance counselor but it only made things worse. I know that the state can come take us and my parents can get us back when they go to rehab, but thats not what I want to do. That makes things very very complicated and its very expensive also. And after I went I was constantly threatened and thats when my dad started hitting us even tho he never did before.
It is possible that my mom is going to be just like her father and drink to the last drop. Till it kills her. I'm praying that this isn't the case. I need advice about things I can say to her to try to get her to go, and what to say to my brother to make him feel better.

 

SunshineDaydreamer75,
You're asking us how to make your brother feel better? I doubt anyone here would know any better than you would. You know him.

You two need out of there. Without help from someone outside the situation...If you don't get out, you're both simply going to have to be really strong.
Try to not let these experiences affect you for the rest of your lives. This isn't your fault, it isn't your brothers fault. It isn't about whether or not your folks love you. I'm sure they do love you guys, but probably don't know how to functionally demonstrate that.

As for Mom...Maybe you can find some answers here..
http://www.freevibe.com/talking/
http://www.freevibe.com/drug_facts/why_drugs.asp
You probably won't like what they have to say.
People that use anything tend to do it until they want to stop. Period. Sorry.
I felt the same way you do when I was in your shoes. Nobody had any magic answers. I left town when I was seventeen.
I hope you fare better than that. Good luck.

 

well when the state began to get involved my mom started screaming at me one night.. and my brother says.. Mom you need to calm down.. it really wouldn't be so bad if you went to rehab.. and she goes "Okay Trevor fine you want me to to go rehab? I'll go but I'm not going to take any of it in. I'll go with headphones on if I have to. You'd like that wouldn't you, me going to rehab and meeting other drug addicts and then I can start doing drugs. I'm over 21 that means I can drink how much I want whenever I want it's legal they can't tell me not to."
so i guess I should forget about trying to convince her...
it's ridiculous. It does suck that the only way to solve it is to get out because I just can't do it. Maybe I'm not as strong as I thought I was, because I just don't think I could handle going through the process of getting someone involved after all the stress I've been going through in the past few months... but you guys are helping, its nice to know that somebody cares... I need to figure out how to teach him to be strong like I am... When my parents do something dumb i say things like "Well you know what trev, we're better than them. At least we know right from wrong"; "Don't listen to her, they're idiots and I'm glad you can recognize that" ; "Don't be scared just come into my room and I promise you you'll be safe up here" ; "Trev, I know this is screwed up, but it's only making you stronger. Come on bud we've been through worse than this"; "Don't worry you know that if you just stay away from them then everything will be fine in the morning and mom will be kissing our asses because she feels guilty that she blacked out"; hmm wat else have i said to him... "I know it's hard not to fight because they're idiots but you need to realize that you can't win with them right now. Just stay out of it you're only going to make it worse" (that is referring to when he gets in the middle of things).... "Things are going to get better I promise, you just need to be strong and try to stay positive."
are these good things to say or not? I know he looks up to me I just dont want him to feel as lost and scared as I used to.
This site is helpful, its nice to know somebody cares. Whenever a bad night happens I'm going to post it, it always makes me feel better to tell somebody even if they don't have any advice for me. It's refreshing.